


Lists

by Trick_Fantasy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Manipulation, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Praise Kink, Sexual Content, Teen Angst, ereri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-01-01 14:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 72,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trick_Fantasy/pseuds/Trick_Fantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Levi ("Why bother trying to make friends when you can learn to control people instead?") and Eren ("Because you can control people better when they think that they're your friends. They don't even know they're being manipulated.") coping with social interaction at college in their own different ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have Mikasa be the "sister" in this chapter, but then I realised exactly how difficult it would be to write the rest of the story without her. So, I apologise in advance for any confusion - but for the sake of the backstory, Eren once had a sister who wasn't Mikasa. She only appears in this chapter so hopefully that won't throw anyone off too much.
> 
> More pairings will be added later, but the main focus is Levi and Eren.
> 
>  
> 
> 'Kay I'm done rambling, enjoy~

It started with a fight and ended with a crash.

Voices were raised, doors were slammed.

A key in the ignition, a long drive and a freight train smashing into a Honda Civic at a level crossing – the twisted, flaming remains ripping the life from Eren’s mother and stealing all shreds of normalcy from his own.

 

_You know she drove onto those train tracks and waited, Eren._

Grisha’s strained voice.

_I-I don’t....Mom...Why would she...?_

Broken sobs from a broken child.

_Why couldn’t you have made life easier for her, Eren? You’re so difficult. You’re **impossible**. That’s why she did it._

 

The whispers started, and they didn’t stop.

_Drove his own mother to suicide._

It didn’t take long at all for the news to spread around a small community like Shiganshina.

Eren Jaeger was the boy no one liked. The boy who was too arrogant to back down from a fight, refused help when he was offered it, never apologised to anyone. His mother, drowning in despair, had killed herself – and his father didn’t stick around much longer after that.

 

Eren was standing barefoot on the doorstep as Grisha loaded his belongings into the car. 

“Dad, why are you leaving me too?”

Cold eyes. Lips twisted into a cruel sneer.

“Aren’t you seeing a pattern here yet, Eren? You’re toxic and nobody wants to be around you. I’ll be sending money for you and your sister to live on, but the second you turn eighteen, you’re on your own. And I expect you will be, in the figurative sense too.”

 

And that was how Eren lived for the next five years. He buried his guilt and anxieties, never getting close to anyone. Not that anyone wanted to be close to him, but they saw his barriers as defiance. Arrogance. The boy with the most difficult personality. 

His sister grew apart from him too. Naturally she found a boyfriend and stopped coming home most nights. Eren hadn't seen her in a week when one night, he was filling out his college application form when she came into his room holding a suitcase. Everything clicked into place and his eyes widened.

“Eren, I’m moving out. I figured now would be the best time, since you just have to get through this summer and then you’ll be leaving for College. Mom had enough money stashed away to get you through the first two years, but that’s it. You should get a job as soon as you get there and save the money to last you through the final years. I don’t know what you’re planning on studying, but make sure it’s worth it because-“

Her words just became a buzz in the background. Eren’s eyes started burning, chest constricting. His breath came out in short puffs,

“Wait. Wait, please. You can’t leave me too, you’re all I have left...”

His sister regarded him, an exasperated look on her face. Eren was trembling, tears threatening to fall.

“I-I don’t have anyone else...”

She sighed.

“Eren, why do you think you’re alone? Why do you think nobody likes you?”

A tear made its way down Eren’s cheek. His voice cracked.

“I....I don’t....everyone just-“

“No. You can’t try to blame this one everyone else. This is what you’ve been doing since you were born, Eren. Since before Mom died and Dad left. You’re impossible! You’re always angry, always shouting, always getting into fights. You have this disgusting sense of self-righteousness! Would it kill you to try and get along with others?”

“But everyone else-“

“Stop it! Please, think it through. If _everyone_ hates you, surely _everyone_ can’t be to blame? All of those people can’t be wrong. Obviously the problem lies somewhere in you. You need to get your shit together because the only wrong in this situation is yourself!”

And with that, she was gone.

 

Eren sat, trembling, staring at his shaking hands with blurry eyes.

She had to have a point. Surely everyone can’t be wrong.

 _Everyone hates me. Everyone has left me._ He thought.

_I have no one left, and I only have myself to blame. I can’t help the way I am, right? Everyone goes on about how you should stand up for what you believe in and be true to yourself but in the end if no one agrees with you, you’re the odd one out. You have to change.... **I** have to change. _

 

Eren took a deep breath and slowly wiped the tear tracks from his face. He steadily turned back to his college application and picked up his abandoned pen.

Field of Study: Human Psychology; with secondary classes in Sociology and Communication and Culture.

 _Fuck this_ , he thought. _Fuck them. I’ll make it so no one ever leaves me again. I’ll go to college, and I won’t be hated. I’ll make them love me. I’ll make them need me._

 

_I’ll control everyone._

 

The clock struck midnight, and Eren Jaeger turned eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had ideas for this fic buzzing around in my head for ages, but I only bothered writing them down in a notebook today. I managed to get some form of a structure to them, but there are a few kinks still (=__=)
> 
>  
> 
> I also don't have a beta, so any glaring mistakes = plz let me kno k thnx


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I can’t control them if I don’t understand them. I want to worm my way right into their minds, know what makes them tick and make sure I’m the centre of their universe.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so so much the people who left Kudos and comments on the first chapter. It makes me ridiculously happy that my little pet project has sparked a few people's interest
> 
> Okay, onwards~

Eren made sure to start every morning with a list.

It was July, so that meant two months until Fresher’s Week at college started. He had chosen one of the furthest schools from Shiganshina; Sina University.

Eren rolled out of bed and ran a hand through his hair, picking out the tangles. He looked outside and saw blue skies. Sweet.

Stumbling over to the desk, (legs aren’t awake yet, damn it) he flopped down into his ridiculously uncomfortable chair and opened up his notebook. Flicking through the first couple of pages, he landed on a blank one and-

“7th of July”

Under the date Eren made 10 bullet points.

The first section was things to do today for physical improvement.

Number one was ‘Go for a two mile morning run.’ Just like every morning since he made the decision to change himself. Coupling that with the sit-ups and push-ups he’d been doing, his body was filling out pretty nicely. Plus, running under the sun for all that time had changed his skin from pasty sickly white to a healthy looking gold.  _If I’m gonna do this, I need to look the part._

 

Eren quickly jotted down his other physical goals for the day:

2) Sit-ups

3)Push-ups

4)Squats (Gotta work the butt)

‘Oh Christ’ Thought Eren. ‘Since pretty much forever, I’ve been wearing the same t-shirt and jeans... If I want to look the part, I’ve got to dress it too. I mean, having no friends or family, where am I supposed to get fashion advice from?’

So that made the next point:

5)Clothing research.

 ‘It’s decided, when I’m done exercising, I’m going to look on the internet at the styles at the moment and then go shopping. I’ve been saving my money for long enough, I can afford to splash out on some clothes, I guess.

I might not be naturally athletic, or intelligent or fashionable – but I won’t lose to anyone on determination.’

The last five bullet points were social goals.

Eren never knew the first thing about social interaction; it just never came easily to him. Whereas other people seemed to just coast through life, Eren had to put a ridiculous amount of thought and effort into everything.

‘But I can’t let that happen again,’ He thought, ‘I need to own it.’

‘I need to own everyone.’

Making friends, keeping friends – such a complex art that Eren never understood. He’d never understood people; why they do all the weird things they do. Why can’t everyone just say what they mean? There are all these bullshit unspoken rules and norms that appeared to come so naturally to everyone around him, but never to him. 

‘So I study.’ Determination washed over him. ‘So I make a conscious effort to abide by these laws, so everyone will like me. So they’ll never leave me.’

So the Social Interaction Study Goals went a bit like this:

1)   Conversation starting. Thank god for the internet and all those people out there who write articles on this shit.

2)   Listen to all the music in the Top 40 Charts. You bond with people easier if you share the same music taste. You can become instant best friends with someone you’ve just met through mutual love of a specific band. 

3)   Watch a few episodes of popular ongoing Tv Dramas. Same reason as above, plus Breaking Bad is damn interesting.

4)   Do some background reading on some of the topics that’ll come up in classes. Not too much, I don’t want to sound like a smartass – but it’ll come in handy, right?

 

The reason Eren was taking Psychology was so that he could understand people better. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, fidgeting in the chair. The chair groaned under his weight.

‘I can’t control them if I don’t understand them. I want to worm my way right into their minds, know what makes them tick and make sure I’m the centre of their universe.’

Communication and Culture classes covered social norms, and why humans abide by them - so that was perfect for him

Eren sighed. He couldn’t think of number five for his list so he thought he’d come back to it later after his morning run.

His knees cracked as he stood up and he popped his neck left and right, stretching his arms into the air. Eren’s back gave a satisfying click and he made his way to the bathroom for a quick piss.

Within five minutes he was out on the street in a vest and sweatpants, Top 40 Chart Hits playing from his ipod.

‘Killing two birds with one stone.’

The air was crisp and easy to breathe and took in a refreshing deep breath. Thank god the suffocating heat wouldn't kick in until about mid-august, when even taking a stroll outside feels like walking into soup. Eren began to run down the familiar streets, feeling his muscles loosen up as he moved.

Over the years, it’d gotten steadily easier and easier to ignore the cold glares he got from everyone around him. It was particularly worse with the elderly who had been friends with his mother, but then it was also pretty bad with children who had deicided to hate him purely because their parents hated him.

He turned a corner and ran straight into the icy disapproving gaze of an old lady sitting on her front porch. He physically shivered.

_Gulp._

‘Ignore it, Eren. In fact, smile at her. You’re gonna have to do a lot of smiling where you’re going. Start now. Ignore the negativity. You’re not that person anymore. You’re going to rule these people.’

Eren swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled softly at her as he jogged past. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the shocked expression on her wrinkled face. Triumph bubbled up inside him and he forced his legs to move faster.

‘Do and say what you want. I’m above all of you. I’ll  _own_  all of you.’

   

 

* * *

 

It was midday by the time Eren was done with his physical exercise and his body was glistening with sweat.

‘Definitely time for a shower.’ He crossed the completed items off of his list and peeled his vest off as he walked towards the bathroom. He glanced at the steadily developing definition in his abs and allowed a small smile to grace his lips. His arms were shaping out nicely too, he noted, as he undressed fully and stepped into the shower.

 The next few hours were spent on the internet – researching conversation skills, various “how to make friends” articles (He ignored the steps that said “Be yourself” because clearly that wasn’t going to be happening) and doing some background reading into the bands he’d listened to today.

Any new things he’d learnt were written in his notebook.

Eren sighed and put his pen down. He hadn't bothered to properly dry his hair, choosing instead to keep the towel around his neck to catch the drips. That probably wasn't a step in the right direction concerning fashion. He frowned to himself.

‘This is way harder than I thought it’d be but...I have to do this’ He chewed his lip in thought and opened a new tab on his web browser.

Fashion.

Oh God, where to start.

Okay, maybe an apparel store’s websites?

‘But what style would even look good on me? Why are there so many styles? I’m so confused, fuck...‘

Eren let his head tip backwards and stared at the ceiling, a whirlwind of thoughts running through his mind.

Then all of a sudden an idea clicked and a grin spread across Eren’s face.

Go to the shopping mall just outside of town, where the chances of people knowing him are slim, and practice some of the skills he’d learnt on unwitting shop staff.

Just thinking about social interaction made Eren’s palms sweat a little bit. It was one thing studying it, but then actually putting it into practice was a different matter entirely. But it had to be done. No wars were fought and won without practical training.

Eren made up his mind.

 

 

Half an hour later, Eren found himself on the train to Trost, incredibly grating pop music channelled into his ears through cheap plastic earphones.  His eyes darted around the train carriage, taking in the surroundings and hungrily watching the conversing people around him. Body language; the way the guy on the other side of the carriage leans forward in interest to what another boy is saying. Smiling with his eyes, his stance open and inviting.

Compare that with the grumpy looking black-haired girl standing with her back to the doors, head down, and arms folded. She clearly wanted to be left alone. Eren scribbled everything down in his notebook.

The guy on the opposite seat brushes his hand lightly over the pretty brunette girl next to him’s leg. She squirms a little, an embarrassed pink lightening up her cheeks.

‘Do people really not realise they’re doing these things?’ Eren pondered to himself, ‘Now I’ve studied this kind of stuff, I’m seeing it everywhere.’

The automated voice announced that they had arrived at Trost, so Eren stowed his notebook in his satchel, stood up (His knees clicked again, seriously!?) and made his way over to the doors. They opened with an unhealthy groan and the crowd of rushed passengers pushed out onto the platform – Eren getting washed along with it.

_Oh?_

Eren noticed a petite blonde girl get caught in the mass of people and trip over, spilling the contents of her bag onto the platform. She looked so pathetic, it was almost endearing.

‘Now’s a good chance’ Eren thought to himself. He took a deep breath and wiped his all-of-a-sudden sweaty palms on his jeans. Eren weaved in and out of the bustling people (‘They’re like cattle. Disgusting.’) and bent down to help her.

_Speak. Soft voice._

“Are you okay? Let me help you.”

The girl started and looked up, relief clear in her bright blue eyes. Passengers moved around them, not sparing a second glance for the two teenagers on the ground.

“Thank you so much, I’m sorry to trouble you.” She squeaked, a little out of breath.

_Smile._

Eren smiled.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Eren rescued a few scattered notebooks and a stick of lip balm from being trampled by the surrounding people. His eyes quickly danced over the cover of one of the notebooks. He recognised the design...

An album cover! One of the bands he’d listened to today.

Jackpot.

_Make eye contact._

“Imagine Dragons, huh?”

The girl seemed to take a while to register what he was saying. Her eyes flicked to Eren, then down to the notebook and she suddenly broke out into a grin.

_Smile back._

“Yeah, I really like them! Do you?”

_Look sheepish. Scratch back of head._

“I’ve only gotten into them recently.” Not a complete lie.  _Smile_. “Heard a couple of songs. Got any recommendations?”

‘Good job.’ He thought slyly to himself. ‘Address something the other party is passionate about. Take an interest.’

It clearly worked, the girl launched into an explanation of different songs that were either “good” “really good” or “oh my god you have no idea how amazing no seriously take my word for it” as she packed her belongings back into her bag.

_Lean forward to show interest._

_Smile._

_Laugh._

‘So far, so good.’ They’d only just met and this stranger was displaying open body language and chatting animatedly, an easy smile decorating her features. Eren collected one last piece of paper from the floor and stood up.

_Brush hand over hers when giving back belongings._

A shy smile and soft blush spread across delicate face.

‘Perfect’

The girl stood up too, patting away the dust that'd found its way onto her baby pink skirt. Thankfully, the rush of passengers had almost completely died down, only a small trickle of people coming down the stairs to the platform to wait for the next train.

The girl looked up at Eren. She was really quite short.

“Thank you so much, um.....”

_Tell her your name. Smile._

“Eren”

“Eren! I’m Christa.”

_Keep on fucking smiling._

“Nice to meet you, I hope you didn’t get hurt when you tripped?”

_Look concerned. Lean forward._

The girl – ‘Christa’- blushed again.

‘Too easy.’

“Oh no, I’m fine. Thank you for helping me out, you’re such a nice guy!”

_Heh, aren't I just._

“I’m late to meet my friend though, so I’d better get going. Maybe see you around?”

_Smile. My face aches, constant smiling is tough work, fuck._

_Nod._

“Yeah, maybe. Enjoy your day, and be careful!”

Eren waved to her as Christa walked away. As soon as she was out of sight, he backed up against the wall behind him, breathing heavily. His heart was going a mile a minute and his throat was dry.

‘Calm down. Calm down, you’re fine. That went really, really well. Breathe.’

No one around him paid any attention as he wiped his hands on his jeans again.

‘Okay. Shopping.’

His legs were shaking.

‘This is just the beginning.’

Eren forced himself to calm down and exited the train station.

‘Just the beginning.’

 

 

* * *

 

The shopping centre was packed, noisy and full of study material. Groups of teenagers that provided endless supplies of body language and communication skills that ended up in Eren’s notebook.

_Walk calmly but confidently. You own this place._

Eren scanned the different stores until he came to a stop in front of one that caught his eye, and ventured inside. He weaved around a few immaculately dressed mannequins and browsed some hoodies hung up on railings, finding a few that  _he_  thought looked good but...

“I know nothing about fashion...” He muttered to himself, sliding a green zip-up jacket along the railing to look at the black one behind it.

A voice came from behind him.

“Do you need any help, sir?”

_Holy fucking shit._

Eren jumped and spun around.

_No. Wait. Calm down. Laugh it off._

His laugh came out a little forced and breathy.

_Fuck._

He was faced with a very concerned looking blonde boy with-  _really?_

‘What the fuck is with blondes with blue eyes today, seriously. These kids could’ve been siblings.’

“Ahaha, you made me jump...”

Eren’s voice came out croaky.

_Clear your throat. Smile._

The blonde looked up at him. (‘This one’s short too, what even-‘)

“I’m sorry; I guess I kinda snuck up on you. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Eren took a deep breath. This is what you came here for, he told himself. Get it together. Smile, look a little embarrassed.

He looked at the blonde’s name-tag.

‘Armin.’

 _Eye contact_.

“I’m starting college soon and I need a new wardrobe.”  _Laugh._

That one came out better, much more natural.

_Ask for help._

“I’ve never really been good with choosing clothes, could you help me?”

_Look hopeful. Smile._

Armin smiled sweetly up at him.

“That’s what I’m here for. If you’d come with me, I bet I can find you something perfect.”

‘Alright, here we go.’

Eren wiped his hands on his jeans again. This was more difficult than it looked, but it was going well. All according to plan.

 

Armin led him all around the store, picking out t-shirts, dress shirts, jackets, hoodies, jeans and even accessories. Eren followed him, making conscious efforts to contribute to the conversation, compliment Armin’s choices and smile. Keep smiling. Keep fucking smiling.

Eren was led to the changing rooms and a huge pile of clothes were dumped on him. With one last grin at Armin, he closed the door on the small booth and set to changing into the first set of clothes.

‘God, I hope I can afford this.’

 

The outfit Armin had picked out was simple, but stylish. Black t-shirt with a silver design underneath black and silver zip up jacket. Dark blue tight-fitting jeans and his own sneakers – which went really well with the whole thing,  _thankfully._ Armin had guessed his size like an expert; Eren wondered how long he’d been doing this job. He wiped his hands on his own jeans that were hanging up and took a deep breath.

Eren opened the door slowly.

_Act a little shy._

“Armin?”

The blonde boy jumped, probably surprised at being called by name.

‘Damn it, I forgot he never introduced himself. Is it weird to call someone by the name you read off of their name tag? But surely it’s normal, it’s a fucking shop...if it wasn’t okay, they wouldn’t _have_ name tags-‘

Eren spoke again, banishing the thoughts from his mind.

“I’m coming out now.”

He stepped out of the cubicle, paying extra attention to his body language.

_Look a little bit uncomfortable._

Armin’s eyes glued themselves to him, raking over his body and taking in his whole appearance. Confidence bubbled up inside him, and Eren suppressed a self-satisfied smirk when Armin’s gaze lingered on his arm muscles - defined well by the form-fitting fabric.

“You look good.” The compliment came out in a throaty voice, and Armin audibly swallowed.

_Make eye contact. Hold the gaze._

Armin’s cheeks flushed slightly, eyes flittering away for a second.

“You think so?” Came Eren’s teasing voice. He brought his hand up and raked it through his hair, grinning when Armin’s blue eyes followed the movement.

“I’m thinking of growing my hair out a little bit.” A completely pointless bit of information, not exactly truth either. “What do you think?”

Armin gulped, gaze still fixed on Eren’s fingertips playing with some loose strands of chocolate-brown hair.

“I think that would suit the whole look very well.” He said, softly.

Eren grinned. It was almost too easy.

_Compliment him._

“You have a very good eye for these things, Armin.”

Armin fidgeted with his hands and Eren smiled. He didn’t even have to command himself to do it that time, the whole process feeling more and more natural to him as he went along.

‘This is getting easier.’ He thought, triumphantly.

“Thank you for all your help Armin, I think I’ll take it.” Eren fingered the hem of the t-shirt appriciatively. 

Armin gasped and broke into a disbelieving grin.

“Really!?”

Eren chuckled at the elated look on the boy in front of him's face.

“Yeah. And the other stuff you picked out too. I trust your judgement.”

At that, Armin’s ears went pink and Eren mentally high-fived himself.

“Th-thank you...”

This kid was adorable.

“I’ll go change back now, okay?”

And with that, Eren turned and sauntered back into the changing cubicle.

He didn’t even have to wipe his hands, they weren’t sweating at all this time.

Progress was sweet.

 

Eren had a quick look over the price tags and heaved out a huge sigh of relief that everything was surprisingly cheap. He changed back into his own clothes, extremely satisfied with his progress.

Carrying the pile of new clothes (They were  _all_  pretty damn nice, Armin you wizard) he walked calmly to the checkouts where Armin was waiting for him.

Eren dumped the pile on the counter and gave Armin a big grin, which Armin replied to with a smaller, shyer smile.

“Oh,” Murmured Armin, suddenly, “You said you were starting college? So am I. Which one are you going to?”

Eren smiled, watching him scan through all the items.

“Sina.” He replied, simply.

The blonde’s face split into a wide smile.

“No way! So am I! I got in on the specialist Physics Program.”

Eren didn’t even have to feign interest, this was awesome. Having one acquaintance at uni before even starting. Damn, today was a good day. He let out a completely genuine laugh.

“Wow, you must be amazing.”

Armin blushed.

Cute.

Eren carried on.

“I’m doing Psychology.”

Silence, punctuated by the soft “beep” of Armin ringing up his clothes. Eren’s hands started sweating.

_Fuck, damn it, I should’ve elaborated, now the conversation’s stopped-_

Armin looked up at him, eyes hopeful.

“Would it be okay if we maybe hung out some time when we get to college?” He let the question trail off, eyes skittering back down to the clothes he was scanning,

Eren’s eyes widened. ‘Yes.’ He thought. Armin had offered him the final say in the situation. He could have just said “Let’s hang out” or something, but no, he asked  _Eren_. He put the ball in Eren’s court. That made Eren the leader in the conversation, the leader in their forthcoming “friendship.” Fuck.Yes. He'd given him control.

Eren grinned a big, toothy smile at the smaller male.

“Of course, I look forward to it! My name’s Eren by the way.”

Armin looked ecstatic. He was practically sparkling and he scanned the last shirt and put it in to the bag. He glanced back to Eren.

“That’ll be one-hundred twenty-five, Eren.” Armin beamed up at him.

Eren fished in his satchel for his wallet and brought it out. Opening it up, he suddenly got an idea. He slid out a fifty and a twenty, and laid them down on the counter top. Completely ignoring the other notes in his wallet, he started rummaging around in the coin part. He placed five coins on the counter and then went back to feeling around in his satchel, a slightly worried look forced onto his face.

Armin regarded him carefully, you could almost see the cogs turning in his mind as he assessed the situation.

“Eren...” He started.

Eren looked up.

_Did it...work?_

_Put more emotion into your eyes._

“I’m going to un-scan 4 of these items, and then put them in the bag for you. Then we’re both going to pretend it didn’t happen, okay? Call it a good luck at uni present?”

_Jackpot._

Eren twisted his face into a mixture of shame and gratitude.

“Is that...really okay, Armin?”

_Make eye contact. Look away in shame. Bite lip._

Armin’s eyes flickered down to his lips and Eren had to suppress a smirk.

“Of course it is.” Chirped Armin, a warm smile plastered on his face.

_Fuckin’ A._

_Thank him. Make it seem like it was all his idea, and I’m amazingly grateful. Don’t let him think for a second that it was actually me that put the thought in his mind._

Eren leaned forward and beamed at the shorter blonde. He lowered his voice an octave and looked Armin straight in the eye.

“Thank you so much, it really means a lot.” He dragged out the “really;” rolled it around on his tongue and regarded Armin as the boy struggled to fight down the blush creeping onto his cheeks. "No one's ever done something so nice for me before." 

And it wasn't untrue. No one ever had - but the main goal was to make the blonde boy feel special. If you make people feel special and wanted, they'll keep coming back to you in search of that feeling. They start believing that you value them, they think you're thankful for their existence. They have no idea that you're manipulating them to have these thoughts- they have absolutely no clue that this is a hold that you have over them.

But then, the adorable flush lighting up that pale face was almost enough to make Eren feel bad about what he was doing.

Almost.

“It’s nothing. I’ll see you at Sina?” That hopeful voice again.

Eren took the bag and gave Armin one last warm grin.

“See you at Sina.”

Eren left with a considerably full wallet.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Eren got home and flopped on his bed. He rolled on to his back and pumped his fist in the air in victory.

“Fuck yeah!”

‘I did it. Perfect social interaction,  _and_  I managed to get Blondie to take fifty off of my shopping. Fifty! Oh man...

This is perfect...

But it’s gonna be more difficult at Sina. I’m not going to have cute, blushing blondes surrounding me, I’ll need to manipulate a lot more people. I can’t stop studying.

This is just the first step.’

 

Eren remembered back back to Armin’s hopeful expression as he basically  _asked permission_  to be around Eren, surrendering absolute control to him. He visualised the boy's cerulean eyes positively sparkling with hope to be included in Eren's life.

‘Just the first step.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully there aren't any massive mistakes in this, I've read it like 5 times but I could have missed something....
> 
> Anyway, I hope it was okay


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "‘I wonder how far I could take this.’ Eren wondered. ‘If I were to tell him to do something, I wonder how far he’d go...’"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi appears.  
> I'm sorry this chapter is so long, I hope you don't get bored....

The rest of the summer passed in a blur. As the sun smouldered and temperatures rose to ridiculous heights, Eren spent his time sorting out his college accommodation and studying human behaviour. With a week left before he moved to Sina, the electricity in the house had already been cut off which meant Eren was computer-less and phone-less but otherwise okay.

Eren lay on his bed in his boxers (way too hot for clothes) and let his mind wander – touching on his anxieties concerning university. There would be so many different people, so many different thought patterns to analyse. So many individuals to completely monopolise and make his own. So many different ways in which to accomplish that.

A droplet of sweat steadily coasted its way down the side of Eren’s face and he brought a hand up to wipe it away. Why was it so hot today? Eren let out a sigh.

He rolled over to the side of his bed and felt around on the floor beside him, looking for his notebook.

Everything was in that notebook. All his notes on different things ranging from how to interpret body language to which football team were favoured to win the Premiere League. He had tried to broaden his interests and learn a little bit about anything. A shared interest with someone could make all the difference to their relationship.

Eren flicked through the book, sweaty fingers leaving feint marks on the pages. Near to the back on the notebook was the (currently) smallest section; one entitled “People.”

There was only one entry written down and that was

“Armin (Last name unknown)”

The night of their meeting, Eren had scribbled down any of his findings concerning the other boy. The blonde was like an open book, just begging to be analysed.

“Seems shy, and judging by the blushing and fidgeting has low self esteem too. Should be treated with compliments and gentle, kind words. Must be incredibly intelligent academically since he got into Sina on the Physics Programme, but doesn’t seem to look too deeply into social interactions.

Gave me a huge discount on shopping, and didn’t even suspect that I was acting at all.

Looked happy that he was helping me. This could correlate to low self esteem, maybe?”

This section of the notebook would be the most important to update when Eren was at college. He’d need to keep tabs on everyone, learn what made them tick. And only then could he make sure that their entire lives revolved around him.

He made a new list concerning college, and wrote "Find Armin" as the first point.

“I’ll control everyone...”

Eren murmured to himself, the stifling heat making him dizzy. His eyes slipped closed and he felt himself drift off. An afternoon nap wasn’t a bad idea...

  

* * *

 Sina was huge. The city itself was gigantic, air thrumming with the energy of the inhabitants. Everyone always seemed to be busy, hustling and bustling down the cobbled streets.

The university had a lot of history behind it, too. It used to be a huge manor owned by the local Lord, but was converted into a school a hundred years or so ago. Much of the original structure was intact, most impressive of all was the giant wall that surrounded it. About fifty meters in height, the top of the wall had been converted into a sky rail that stopped at the University, the dorms and Sina’s town centre. No one could deny that it was perfect, especially for lazy students who couldn’t be bothered to walk that gruelling twenty minute trek to the nearest Starbucks when the college cafeteria’s half-assed coffee just wasn’t cutting it.

There were three main student apartment complexes on campus. The most expensive and luxurious was nicknamed the “Military” building, the one that was half furnished and had hot water _most_ days of the week was called the “Garrison” building, and the run-down piece of shit Eren was about to call home for the next four years was referred to as the “Recon Corps.”

‘Home sweet home, I guess’ Thought Eren sardonically. A tile dislodged itself from the roof and plummeted to the ground in front of his feet in greeting. Eren sighed and stepped over the shards on the ground.

The entrance hall couldn’t exactly be called welcoming, and as Eren let his eyes scan his surroundings he noted frayed carpet, stained walls and _ah_ , a large notice board on the far left side. He wheeled his suitcase over to it and raked his gaze over the pinned pieces of A4 until he found the room allocation sheet.

‘Room 104, Eren Jaeger.’

Well at least it was only on the first floor since there was no way in hell Eren was going to trust the elevators in this dump. Also, counting his blessings, although the rooms were tiny and probably freezing in winter – at least no one was forced to share with each other. No roommates, but a shared kitchen and three shared bathrooms on each floor.

Quickly checking the incredibly vague map pinned to the notice board, he abandoned his suitcase briefly to pick up his room key from the small reception desk outside the main entrance.

Eren hauled his suitcase up the stairs with surprising ease. Hell yes, thank you muscles for your great service. He located his room easily enough. Right next to a bathroom, but the opposite end of the corridor from the kitchen – which didn’t matter all that much since Eren couldn’t cook for shit.

Unlocking the door, he swung it open and rolled his suitcase in after him. The door creaked shut. There was a mildly unnerving crack down one of the walls, a desk, a lamp, a chair, a mini wardrobe and a bed. No sheets on the bed though, Eren noted. It could be a lot worse, but it was definitely inhabitable.

He turned the suitcase on its side, unzipped it and laid out his clothes for the morning on the small desk. Eren kicked off his shoes and collapsed on the bed with a loud “whump.”

He needed to go out and buy some bed linens and maybe a pot noodle or seven, but a short nap beforehand was probably a good idea. Smiling and making small talk with shop assistants as he bought things came incredibly naturally to him these days, but the constant smiling and bright facade was still exhausting to keep up with.

Eren threw an arm over his face and closed his eyes.

University was going to be exhausting.

 --

 

After buying the cheapest sheets and duvet covers available in Sina, and swinging by the local corner shop to purchase pretty much the entire stock of instant noodles, Eren had trudged back to his room. Due to it being the evening of the day before classes officially started, he passed quite a lot of students – wondering absent-mindedly if any of them would end up in his classes. He offered friendly smiles for all who looked in his direction and was pleased at the ones he received in return. Although Eren would prefer for people to offer him their undying love and support without any effort on his part, alas, that was not to be. He had to put the effort in if he was going to get anything out.

Which brings us to the next day. Official day one of college, and Eren had collected his timetable and was wondering the halls ten minutes early. His expert eyes flittered around the students littering the corridor before settling on a group of girls. Girls were the easiest. He approached them, making sure to keep his stance open and inviting.

He smiled, without needing to consciously command himself to.

“Hey, excuse me?” His voice came out smooth and easy. The group stopped their conversation and turned to regard him, faces relaxed and friendly.  

“Yeah?” The second-tallest girl with brown hair scraped back into a pony-tail answered him with a smile.

Eren let his fingers play with the hem of his shirt in an attempt to look sheepish.

“I’m looking for room B-15, could any of you possibly point me in the right direction?” He chuckled lightly, “I swear I’ve been looking for it for like forty years now.”

The trio burst out into giggles.

“Forty years, huh?” Teased Pony-tail.

 Eren laughed along with them, bringing his hand up to rake through his hair.

“Yup. I’m not even exaggerating! This place is a labyrinth...”

The three girls all nodded sympathetically.

“We feel you, man – we were the same in our first year. Room B-15 is just down that corridor and then turn right.” The one who answered this time was the tallest girl, her sharp face dotted with freckles and a mischievous glint in her dark eyes.

‘You’re wrong.’ Thought Eren. ‘It’s on the left not the right.’ He’d already looked on the campus map, he knew perfectly where everything was. He just needed to scout out potential _“friends.”_ He smiled all the same and thanked the girls before walking away with a “see you around.”

Pony-tail grinned at him, saying if he was ever lost around there in the future, they’d help him out. Eren thanked her again, goal accomplished. His list for the day had included things like "Make conversation with at least four strangers" and "scope out a potential friend group" - but his main objective was to make sure people knew him; to plant the seed of friendship and then leave it to the other people to cultivate it. Hopefully the next time they passed each other in the hallway, one of these girls would recognise him, maybe have a chat with him. Then from there it would be so simple to worm his way into their lives without them noticing a thing.

Eren turned left and arrived at his classroom five minutes early, and opened the door. For the first week only, Psychology Theory classes would be held in this room as the basics were explained. Then starting from next week, it would be taking place in the science lecture hall.

Eren made sure to exude a relaxed kind of confidence as he entered the room, casting his eyes around the people already seated inside. The teacher was stood behind the desk, shuffling papers and welcomed him into the room, inviting him to take a seat wherever there was one.

This part was critical. Eren scanned the faces of the students in front of him and settled on the trio sat at the back. It was always easier to introduce yourself into a group of three, he thought, remembering the tips he’d read on various websites. Joining a couple might feel like he was imposing himself on them, whereas three people would generally welcome an extra person to their group.

Walking over to them, he decided to pick the seat one away from the group of guys he chose. He pulled out the chair, laid his bag on the table and sat down, sending an easy smile across to the trio.

“Hey, what’s up guys?” Generic and simple.

The three looked over to him, grinning in return. Eren let his eyes take in all the aspects of their appearances, making mental notes that he’d probably have to write in his notebook later.

The one with the most welcoming smile and loudest voice was short and had a buzz-cut. He looked like the sporty type. Maybe Eren should drop hints about different teams and coax out some more information...

The next guy had a long face and a weird-ass hairstyle. He must have a load of guts to actually dye his hair like that. Maybe Eren should compliment him on his hairstyle choice later? That would definitely make him like Eren instantly - this guy looked like he absorbed compliments directly into his ego.

Then the third was tall with dark hair and a kind, freckled face. Looked a little less outgoing than the first two. Would probably be easy to manipulate – the quieter, friendlier ones usually were.

Mr buzz-cut spoke up first.

“Hey, welcome to Psychology Theory, my man.” The stupid grin didn’t leave his face for a second. Maybe it was permanent. Maybe he was born with it.

Spurred on by buzz-cut, Mr Equally-as-adventurous-fashion-choices responded next.

“’Sup bro.” Oh god, he was one of _those_. “I’m Jean and this is Marco.” He gestured to Freckles, who smiled shyly.

Eren waved his hand in greeting.

“I’m Eren. Nice to meet you guys.”

“I’m Connie.” Buzz-cut chipped in. Stupid name, stupid face. ‘I could grow to like this guy.’ Thought Eren, smirking inwardly.

Connie reached over and pulled Eren’s bag so it slid over towards him.

“Why you sat so far away, man? Come sit over here.”

Eren laughed, getting up and switching seats to the one next to Connie. Perfect, perfect, perfect. He wiped his hands on his jeans and unzipped his bag to fish out a pen and his books as the trio made small talk.

“Where are you from?”

“Pretty far away huh?”

“What other classes you taking?”

“Your eyes are like... _really green_ , bro.”

Conversation with these guy was easy, although Marco didn’t contribute all that much. Eren had a feeling that Marco and Jean knew each other previously, as the freckled boy only seemed to actively take part in the conversation if Jean was speaking. Everything he said was like the counterpart to what Jean had said. Eren made a mental note to look more into their relationship later.

At the front of the class, the teacher stood up, commanding the attention of the class to the front of the room.

“Hello everyone – my name is Nile Dawk and I’ll be teaching you for this first week. After that, the lectures will be held by Professor Pixis in the lecture halls. Now firstly; do you all have your ‘Understanding Psychology’ books?”

Nods from all students. Nile continued,

“Good, I’ll need you to turn to page-“

The class went on for an hour without anything notable happening. It didn’t seem like they’d be getting into much of the good stuff subject-wise for another term, instead concentrating on case studies completely unrelated to what Eren was really interested in. Still, it could all be of some use at some point.

While writing notes and highlighting important parts of his textbook, Eren made sure to keep tabs on the trio next to him – participating in their banter every now and again.

Connie let out a long sigh next to him and poked him in the ribs.

“Yo Eren, this guy seriously talks too fast. What even is Altruism again?”

Eren glanced over Connie’s notes. The guy had barely written anything at all. Nile wasn’t even talking about Altruism anymore...

“It’s unselfish concern for the wellbeing of others.”

A blank look. Eren tried again.

“Y’know...helping other people even though there’s no personal gain?”

Understanding washed over Connie’s face.

“Oh, I see. Basically a quality that Jean will never possess?” He glanced teasingly over to Jean, who flipped him the bird and proceeded to abandon writing notes in favour of drawing an incredibly crude penis on Connie’s textbook.

Eren laughed out loud.

“Jean, you asshole!” Connie screeched.

“You started it, you fucking cretin!”

“Is there a problem at the back?” Nile’s voice rang out, slicing through the squabble. Eren noticed that everyone in the class had turned round to see what was going on. He offered an apologetic smile, but everyone looked more amused than annoyed. ‘Thankfully.’

 Eren looked over at Marco who was sighing in exasperation and caught his eye. They shared a knowing look, and turned away with a smile.

‘Maybe he’s like Jean’s mother figure?” Eren thought to himself, reminding himself to write this down in his notebook later.

 

Soon enough, the class was over without any other interruptions (other than Connie and Jean playfully kicking each other under the table, and Eren and Marco sniggering behind their hands) and Jean turned to Eren as they were packing up their books.

“Eren, do you have another class after this?”

Eren looked up from what he was doing.

“Nope, I’m free ‘til afternoon. Why?”

He zipped up his bag and turned to face Jean fully. He couldn’t believe how well this was going.

“We’re gonna go grab a Starbucks, wanna come?”

Eren mentally fist-pumped the air. Invited out after just one class! This was perfect... Eren had already decided that he didn’t want to have to be the one to chase other people to hang out with him – he wanted to be the one asked by others. This was the best scenario but...

It wasn’t enough. Eren subtly wiped his hands on his jeans and slowly focussed his eyes on the floor. He brought his hand up to scratch at the back of his head and gave Jean a guilty smile.

“Well, I would but...”

_Bite your lip._

_Laugh a little bit uncomfortably._

“I didn’t really bring enough money to go anywhere special today...” He trailed off in what he hoped sounded pitiable.

He jumped when Connie slapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey don’t worry about it, I can buy you a coffee! Plus, you helped me about with the Altruism thing back there so it’s only fair, right?” Eren smirked inwardly as Connie threw an arm around his shoulders. “I can tell I’m gonna be depending on you a lot in the future.”

_‘Oh you have no idea.’_

_Look hopeful but uncertain._

“Really? I mean, if that’s cool with you...?”

Marco stood up, swung his backpack over one shoulder and stepped towards them.

“It’s no problem Eren, it’s just a coffee.” He said, beaming. “Oh Jean, you dropped one of your books on the floor!” As Marco bent down to retrieve Jean’s book, Eren’s mind was racing. It wasn’t just a coffee. It was more the idea that these people wanted Eren in their company enough to spend money on him. Of course Eren had plenty of money for a £3 Latte, but the notion that he could still get people to offer him things by practically _batting his fucking eyelashes at them_ -

Eren was broken out of his thoughts by Marco, who had finished chastising Jean for being so forgetful;

“Do you want to walk there or take the skyrail?”

The answer was unanimous and ten minutes later, they were sat on a small train coasting along a fifty metre wall. Eren looked out of the window. The view was amazing. Eren thought it was probably one of the most beautiful sights he’d ever seen.

That is, until he got off of the skyrail and crashed into a stranger getting ready to board. It was mostly Eren’s fault since he was fake-laughing at a terrible joke Jean had just told, but that didn’t even matter anymore because as the stranger stumbled backwards and landed on his ass with a thump, Eren swore he’d never seen anything so perfect.

‘When the fuck did my life become a crappy chick flick?’ He thought to himself.

“Watch where you’re fucking going, you little shit!”

Scratch that, characters in chick flicks generally didn’t use that much profanity in the same sentence.

Eren’s eyes dragged across the form of the male on the floor, and the parts of his brain capable of forming coherent speech promptly packed their bags and left.

How was it even humanly possible to have such nice cheekbones? Eren took in the black hair neatly styled, sharp features and perfectly shaped eyebrows that were narrowed in absolute fury at being suddenly pushed to the ground. The stranger regarded Eren with an icy glare, eyes practically burning with hate as he slowly picked himself up from the floor.

‘ _Fuck, I should have helped him up_.’

Eren’s senses suddenly came back to him in a rush.

 _Apologise quick_.

He mustered the most apologetic smile possible.

“I’m so sorry! It’s totally my fault, I wasn’t paying attention-“

“You’re damn fucking right you weren’t!” The stranger – oh wow he was short – cut him off mid sentence.

It really threw Eren off. That wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. Eren was supposed to apologise with a smile, the stranger would forgive him and then they’d go on their merry way. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t what he’d studied.

‘This guy is dangerous.’

_Smile._

The stranger regarded him carefully, eyes narrowing – not in anger but something else.

It was unnerving.

_Keep smiling._

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that... And I’m also so sorry that you just missed your train.” _Lean forward._ “You’re not going to be late for class or anything are you?”

_Look guilty._

Eren wiped his hands on his jeans. There was something about this guy... It wasn’t just that he was mad at him, there was something else. He looked...intrigued. His eyes were almost smouldering with it.

The shorter male pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer from his pocket and squirted some on his palm.

“Fucking disgusting...” He muttered to himself. “I didn’t get a goddamn Scholarship to be knocked over by shitty brats who aren’t even-“

“Hey, don’t be such a dick.” Jean. Eren had forgotten all other people on the platform even existed.

Jean stepped forward.

“It was an accident and Eren apologised. Would it kill you to just let it go?”

A perfect eyebrow raised in amusement.

“Oh? Well maybe _Eren_ should pay more attention to his surroundings.”  The way his name rolled off that tongue shouldn’t have been nearly as erotic as it was. Eren gulped. This wasn’t going according to plan at all. What was wrong with this guy? He’d imagined that there would be assholes at college, but he thought that with all the studying and preparation, he could at least get along with them. This wasn’t right. He should be controlling this guy by now.

Jean turned to Eren.

“Come on Eren, let’s go. You tried to be nice to him but some people are just...” He let the sentence trail off and started to walk in the direction of the exit. Marco offered Eren a supportive smile too.

“It was really good of you to continue being so polite even after being yelled at like that. You’re such a nice guy, Eren.”

A small victory. While this event was a little worrying, at least everyone in the vicinity knew Eren had the moral high-ground. This would definitely work out well for him in the future, after all - who wouldn’t want to hang out with such a “nice guy?”

Eren was broken out of his triumphant musings by a deep chuckle from the man in front of him, hand sanitizer safely pocketed away. Why was he laughing? What could he possibly have found funny?

‘This guy is a fucking cretin.....Ignore it...’ Eren thought to himself, furiously fighting down the glare that threatened to creep into his expression. 

 _Smile and politely excuse yourself._ He painfully twisted his face back into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes like it was meant to.

“I’m sorry again, I hope you have a good day.” The man’s eyes narrowed, amused glint not fading once, a smirk spread across his angular features. Anger bubbled up inside Eren.

‘What is this guy’s problem?’ He just wanted to punch the shorter man in his infuriatingly gorgeous face.

_Smile._

Eren smiled.

“If you see me around campus, I hope you’ll allow me to make it up to you?” Desperate measures.

Eren turned, waved and lightly jogged off to catch up with Jean and Marco – Connie close behind him.

“Man, what a dick.” Chirped Connie. “You didn’t have to go that far to apologise to him, Eren. He was the one being out of line.”

Eren made a non-committal noise of agreement as he felt the gaze of the stranger bore into the back of his head as he jogged away. At least he managed to keep up the facade in front of everyone else, but it didn’t seem to get through to that guy at all.

 

\--

 

They literally spent the next two and a half hours hogging the comfiest chairs in Starbucks. Connie had treated Eren to an iced Chai Tea Latte and they had all sat around talking about their lives before college and the classes they were taking.

Eren found out that Marco and Jean were childhood best friends who were living in an apartment off campus together.

“I’d be useless without Marco, seriously” Laughed Jean as Marco smiled fondly into his cappuccino.

More often than not, Eren noticed that most of the conversation topics were revolving around him. Then, when they talked about other things, the trio of boys would always ask for Eren’s opinion first. It was like they were offering him the lead in their conversation and while it was a tiny, tiny gesture; Eren felt a rush of power.

As it turned out, they all had a lecture in the forth hour – albeit different classes. Connie took a long slurp of his pretty much melted frappuccino and faced Eren.

“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” Eren looked thoughtful for a moment, drink long finished.

“After my Communication and Culture class I’ll probably grab some lunch then hit the library to write up my notes properly and maybe get some studying done.”

The notes he was talking about weren’t class notes. He had to make sure to copy all of his findings down in his notebook; everyone needed their own page of details. Especially the dark-haired stranger from earlier.

Marco let out an incredibly un-manly giggle and Jean shot the freckled teen a warm sidelong glance.

“Wow, that’s really commendable Eren – studying so hard even so we’ve only just started.” He sighed and gave Jean’s shoulder a playful shove. “If only Jean would take his studies as seriously.”

“Hey, I’m serious enough!” Jean was indignant but everyone just laughed. Marco patted Jean’s leg in what looked to be normal friendliness, but he didn’t remove his hand.

“Of course you are.” He turned to Eren who snapped out of his thoughts quickly. “So, could we join you for lunch?”

Just the idea of people asking permission to be with him sent thrills through Eren’s chest.

“Sure, no problem. I was planning on just eating in the college cafeteria though.”

“Sounds good to me, we could meet you at the south entrance?” Eren nodded.

“That’d be fine, yeah. Should we get going now?”

The group of boys cleared up the mess they left on the table (“Really, Jean? Six packets of sugar for one latte?”) and went to deposit it in the bin before making their way back to the skyrail station.

 

\--

 

So Communication and Culture was taught by Professor Hanji, who was incredibly passionate about the subject and upset that not many people appreciated it like she did.

“It’s awesome!” She had shouted, barely ten minutes into the lesson. “Not only do we point out weird-ass social things humans do, but we also address WHY we abide by them!”

Eren agreed whole-heartedly with her, he just wasn’t ridiculously openly enthusiastic about it. He was also the only male in the class.

“It’s like this every year.” Hanji explained. “Barely any guys take this class, they favour subjects like sociology instead. There are a bunch of reasons, but we’ll get to those when we study gender norms. It’d gonna be a great year, everyone!”

Eren decided he liked her, but in small doses.

As it turned out, one of the girls who had helped him out this morning was in this class. Sasha Braus was a second year student, but she needed to pick up an extra class so she’d chosen Comms. She’d recognised Eren as soon as he’d entered the classroom and called him over to sit with her and a taciturn girl with long black hair called Mikasa. Personality-wise, they were absolute opposites – Sasha being loud and spontaneous (and getting along incredibly well with Hanji) and Mikasa only participating in the conversation when it was absolutely necessary. Eren decided that he liked them both though, and decided that he wanted to add them to his collection of friends.

As the class came to an end and Hanji set them some background reading to do between classes, Sasha tugged on Eren’s jacket.

“Where you off to from here, Eren?” Eren smiled as he closed his books.

“Gonna go grab lunch in the cafeteria.” He replied.

Sasha’s eyes legitimately lit up.

“Lunch! That’s such a good idea! That’s actually the best idea! Mikasa, let’s go get lunch with Eren.”

Mikasa watched the brown haired girl bounce up and down, eyes dancing with happiness, with a bored expression. She caught Eren’s eye and gave a soft smile.

“Okay then.”

\--

As they were walking towards the cafeteria, Sasha chatting away about the day’s lunch specials, Eren caught something out of the corner of his eye. Bright blonde hair, baggy sweater-vest, dull jeans and an unconfident stride. Eren called out,

“Armin!”

The boy jumped a mile in the air and almost dropped the book he was carrying. As soon as he recognised Eren, a warm look of relief washed over his face. He crossed the corridor,

“Eren! It’s good to see you again, I was wondering if I’d run into you today.” He offered an uncertain smile to Mikasa and Sasha. Eren took the oversized book from Armin.

“Let me carry that for you.” He noted Sasha and Mikasa’s soft smiles at this. “We’re just going to go get some lunch, want to come with?”

Although Eren hated being the one to ask, judging by the nervous glances he kept throwing at the two girls, he doubted Armin would ask to be included in front of other people. Armin started fiddling with the hem of his sweater.

“Are you sure that’s okay?”

He looked so unsure.

_Smile._

_Make him feel included._

“Of course, Armin. Let’s go, I’ll introduce you to everyone else when we get there.”

 

It was only another five minutes walk until they met up with Jean, Connie and Marco and after a brief introduction and exchanged pleasantries, they were all sat on a table in the cafeteria. Eren made sure to sit next to Armin since he looked so uncomfortable around all the new people but within a few minutes he’d become friendly with Marco and Jean. Eren smiled to himself, pleased with the outcome. Connie and Sasha seemed to have a lot of shared interests too, and Eren didn’t miss the fleeting glances Jean kept sending to Mikasa, who was munching on a sandwich produced from her bag.

And judging by the way he kept looking between Jean and Mikasa and huffing, it seemed that Marco hadn’t missed the glances either.

‘Maybe because they’ve been friends for so long, he’s worried about being replaced?’ Thought Eren, adding another point to the list of things he’d need to write in his notebook. ‘But then...if they go back so far, shouldn’t he be more comfortable in their friendship?’ Eren sighed to himself and watched Marco chat animatedly to Armin who was smiling shyly but clearly enjoying himself.

‘The main problem is that I told Jean and the others that I didn’t bring much money. Now how do I buy lunch...’

Eren looked at the ceiling in contemplation and frowned slightly. Jean must have noticed,

“What is it, Eren?” Eren snapped back to reality.

“Just hungry...” He wasn’t lying. “I’m just wondering what I could afford...”

Realisation clicked in Connie, Jean and Marco but surprisingly it was Mikasa that spoke.

“I need to go buy a drink. Come with me.” Eren nodded and they both stood up, weaving in between the tables to join the queue at the front of the cafeteria. They waited behind a tall guy with an undercut and stood in relative silence until Mikasa spoke up again.

“Armin seems like a really nice kid.” Eren nodded, smiling, wondering where exactly she was going with this. Mikasa continued,

“I saw him earlier today being pushed around by some older students. It’s a really good thing that you invited him to sit with us – I don’t think he would have managed to make his own friends otherwise.” Mikasa smiled softly up at him and Eren replied with a grin of his own.

“It’s nothing big. I invited him to sit with us because I want all my friends to get along together – not because of any ulterior motive or anything.” _Lies._ “Let’s look after him from now on then, okay?” Mikasa nodded briefly.

Eren laughed but stopped suddenly as all the oxygen simultaneously left his body. The midget from before was currently sauntering up to the line, that had grown considerably longer since Eren and Mikasa had joined it. Eren watched the way his hips rolled as he walked, and wished it didn’t bother him as much as it did. His heart was practically beating out of his mouth when the shorter male came to a halt right in front of him.

But he paid Eren no mind at all, focussing instead on the guy with the undercut in front of him.

Shorty cleared his throat and the other guy jumped. Now Eren took the time to notice, they had the same haircut. Awkward...It looked so _so_ much better on the darker haired male.

The smaller male spoke, words slipping out from between his lips like smooth cream.

“Auruo, I’m hungry.” Such a simple phrase, but it seemed to hold volumes. The man known as Auruo flinched again, his voice coming out breathy,

“A-ah, Levi!”

Levi. His name was Levi. The name burned itself permanently into Eren’s memory. Levi spoke again, his face showing nothing but disinterest for the man in front of him.

“The pasta today looks good.” He mumured quietly. The words were like a magic spell, the effect instantaneous. Auruo's hands darted to his wallet.

“Should I buy it for you, Levi?” Levi regarded his perfectly manicured fingernails absentmindedly, flicking some imaginary dirt from them. He looked up at Auruo through thick eyelashes, a glint of amusement present in his eyes but otherwise no emotion in his face to show what he was thinking.

Eren watched on, dumbfounded.

“Auruo...” The way Levi rolled his ‘r’s was sinful. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Eren choked on his own saliva, startling Mikasa and catching the attention of the two undercut-ed males in front of him. A spark of recognition lit up Levi’s steely eyes as he regarded a coughing Eren with mild distaste.

This guy was good. His command over Auruo was perfect and flawless... How had he achieved it? But then, a man like Levi simply demanded respect. For someone so short, he had an established ‘dont-fuck-with-me’ aura. Eren caught himself and gave Mikasa an apologetic smile.

Levi didn’t spare him a second glance as he walked over to the wall, pulling out an iPhone and waiting, presumably for his pasta.

Mikasa bought Eren a chicken sandwich and got a bottle of water for herself, but all Eren could see was Auruo bringing Levi his pasta.

Levi looked up from his phone with a ghost of a smirk adorning his lips. He took the pasta and fork offered to him and put his phone away. He fixed his cold glare on Auruo and Eren could almost see the way Auruo shrunk under his gaze. Levi raised an eyebrow.

“You can go now.”

And with that, Auruo was dismissed. As he scurried away, Levi glanced at Eren – lips twisted into a sneer. Eren felt his face heat up.

Mikasa looked between the two of them and sliced at the building tension.

“Eren, do you know that midget?”

Eren tore his eyes away from the cold, grey ones boring into his and gratefully accepted the packaged sandwich from Mikasa. He shook his head, giving what he hoped was his most innocent look.

“No.”

 'Find out more about Levi' was soon to be written on his list in **bold.**

\--

 

Back at the table, Eren chewed thoughtfully on his sandwich. Levi was a manipulator, that was for sure. He was clearly skilled at getting what he wanted, possibly more skilled than Eren. He needed to get to the library where he could record his findings for the day, there was so much information buzzing around in his head.

Eren stood up,

“I’m going to go to the library to study, okay?”

He got a sick jolt of pleasure from the lost looks on everyone’s faces. Eren was the one that introduced them all, and this still being the first meeting, if he were to leave, it could get awkward for everyone. Eren grinned. He was off to such a good start; he already had these people hanging on his every word, looking like lost puppies without him.

“I’ll catch you guys tomorrow, yeah?” He beamed at them.

‘Better help them along a little bit.’

“Hey Sasha,” The brunette looked up, mouth stuffed with pasta. “Ask Marco to tell you about Jean’s awkward high school life.”

Ignoring Jean’s squawk of protest he laughed and got up from the table. That should give them a decent conversation topic to last while he was gone.

Eren picked up his bag and excused himself with a wave and a grin. He didn’t notice Armin follow him.

As soon as he got out into the corridor he let out a long breath, feeling all the tension from pretending leave his body. His eyebrows knitted together and a frown adorned his face as he made his way to the library.

“Eren!”

Armin’s voice rang out in the quiet hallway. Eren jumped and quickly fixed his face.

_Smile._

“Hey Armin, what’s up?”

Armin caught up with him and smiled warmly.

“Thank you for letting me sit with you and your friends.” Eren beamed back at him. “I’m bad at making friends, you see... If it weren’t for you, I’d be alone.” Armin fidgeted with the sleeves of his shirt.

He looked Eren in the eye and a wide smile graced his features.

“Thanks.”

Eren let his face split into a grin and he put his arm around Armin’s narrow shoulders.

“It’s nothing, really! You’re welcome to sit with us whenever you feel like it.” He withdrew his arm. “I’ve really got to go and get some research done, okay? You go back and hang out with the others.”

Armin smiled and nodded, and Eren got another small jolt of gratification that Armin had obeyed him without question. The blonde was so far the easiest to control and the most loyal.

‘I wonder how far I could take this.’ Eren wondered. ‘If I were to tell him to do something, I wonder how far he’d go...’

Eren chuckled to himself as Armin waved and turned to walk back to the cafeteria. He made a mental note to test his group’s loyalty after training them all a little more.

He walked leisurely in the direction of the library, remembering how naturally Levi had commanded others.

Two could play at that game, but Eren didn’t want to do it so coldly. It was so much more satisfying when the people you control don’t know they’re being controlled - if they think they’re acting on their _own_ whims.

Eren couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face.

‘No one will ever leave me again. Not unless I tell them to.’

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me more trouble than it was worth.  
> I know it might be a little odd that Eren gets off on such tiny things like people doing what he says, but I hope you can understand that it's a big deal for him
> 
> Again, thank you so much to everyone who's left Kudos and comments! I can't believe people actually like this, like...wow..... warm fuzzy feeling...


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Levi seems to be a master of sexual manipulation.”  
> And Eren could understand how. He was all unattainable perfection, full of icy glares, filthy smirks and a sensual kind of confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit a road-block writing this chapter, so I split it into two. This is the first half, and the Sexy Ereri Confrontational Goodness will happen in the next chapter, I promise~

It took a few weeks, but Eren settled in nicely to university life.

At first, balancing studies, assignments and keeping tabs on all of his friends was a little overwhelming, but he got the hang of it quickly.

Eren had managed to land himself a part-time job at a diner a little ways off-campus and made quick work of winning all the customers over with calculated smiles and devious words. All it took was a wink, a grin – or even a ruthlessly cute yawn; _“oh I’m just a little sleepy from college”_ and tips found their merry way to his back pocket. The managers weren’t safe either, not from the way Eren’s shirt rode up ever so slightly when he stretched and yawned, slyly mentioning that he was _up all night studying for a test_ and he was _so tired_ – and they were simply falling over themselves; “Oh Eren, sweetie, why don’t you take the rest of the night off?” A conniving, unseen smirk. Wide, innocent green eyes.

“But...I can’t-“

“Don’t worry, we’ll pay you until the end of your shift. You just go home and get some sleep – you work so hard!”

An exhausted but immensely grateful smile that disappeared the second he was out the door.

The crazed, triumphant glint in his eye was seen by none.

He was now the clear, undisputed leader of his group, too. No one did anything without his knowledge, no one strayed from the pack, and no one even got a hair cut without asking Eren his opinion first. He was getting pretty well-known around campus too. Everyone had heard of Eren Jaeger, the first year student with the ocean in his eyes and a smile for everyone; kept his best friends close and could be found at the end of classes fastidiously writing notes in the library. There was never a lack of students eager to join his group and get into Eren’s good books, and this filled his chest with a sick kind of joy.

It was exhausting though, mentally and physically. Inwardly crushing his true thoughts and feelings, never letting them show through his face, body language or eyes. Eren could barely get enough sleep. The mental fatigue made him slightly more irritable – which meant he had to try even harder to keep any anger under wraps. It all went unnoticed, though. The marks in his palm where he’d dug his nails into them to physically restrain himself from punching someone. The occasional toothaches he’d get from the times when he’d gritted his teeth in an attempt to hold back cutting words and scathing remarks just _dying_ to be released. Headaches from stress, from over thinking...

But it was worth it. He was exactly where he wanted to be. No one would ever leave him.

Except...

 

 

“Hey man, I don’t feel like going to Psychology today. Skip with me?” Eren was all mischievous green eyes and hidden intentions.

Jean looked a little hesitant at first, but it disappeared in a split second as he nodded and followed Eren in the direction of the field. It was a crisp October morning and quite a few students were making the most of the last dregs of sunshine – some lying on the field with their friends, some sat on benches hunched over books. Eren marched briskly towards a patch of grass a considerable distance away from the other students.

“Connie and Marco can deal without us for one lesson.”

Eren sat down and motioned for Jean to do the same. There was a crunch of dry leaves as Jean plopped down next to him. Jean was obviously wondering why Eren had brought him here.

 

Jean Kirstein was infatuated with Mikasa Ackerman. It was obvious from the beginning, especially to someone like Eren who had poured over books on body language – but it stepped up to a worrying level recently. He had made a list about it already - points including finding out more about these feelings, and working out how to combat them.

Eren grinned at his friend,

“So...Mikasa.” His smile widened as Jean suddenly choked on air. Eren let out a deep chuckle as Jean tried to compose himself by hiding his face in his hands. After a few seconds he peeked up at Eren from between his fingers and sighed.

“She’s so beautiful, Eren. It’s the hair. It’s so long and perfect...I want to run my fingers through it, I want to kiss it – is that weird?” _Yeah, that’s pretty weird._

“No.” _Smile._

“I don’t know what to do, I just want to take her out some place nice and-“

And then it suddenly hit Eren in a way it had never occured to him until now. He didn’t even need to listen to anymore, his panic already kicking into overdrive. His mind was like a nuclear explosion behind the iron facade of “supportive best friend” that was plastered on his face.

Jean was serious about Mikasa. He wanted to date her, and take her places, and maybe everything would go perfectly, and they’d move in together. They’d spend beautiful, lazy nights in front of the television, have candle-lit dinners and love and cherish each other _more than they could possibly love and cherish Eren._ They’d leave him.

_They’d leave him._

Oh, fuck no.

Jean’s babbling trailed off and he lay back on the crisp grass, arm covering his face.

“Her hair is so perfect.” He murmured, voice croaky.

_Smile._

_Smile like you fucking mean it._

_Spout out some supportive friend bullshit._

Eren’s nails cut into the palm of his hand.

Encouraging words slipped meaninglessly from his lips, and Jean hung onto the end of every one of them.

“But are you sure she’s even into guys though?” Eren asked suddenly, an idea forming in his head. “I’ve never seen her interested be in any guys at all, but she does hang out with that Annie girl quite a lot?”

Eren should know, he had used Mikasa to recruit Annie into their group. The two girls did kickboxing together after classes on Wednesdays; Mikasa had even asked Eren’s fucking _permission-_

Jean’s face fell and it actually pained Eren to see it. The sudden tightening of guilt in his chest was foreign, unwelcome and disgusting. He never meant to hurt Jean but in these kinds of situations it was inevitable.

‘There’s no way in hell I’m letting you leave me.’ Eren thought to himself.

Eren’s gaze was suddenly caught by an incredibly tall brown haired boy walking near them with a nervous look on his face. Eren knew him as Bertholt Fubar, a third year student who was friends with Annie. He occasionally joined them at their table in the cafeteria but he never had much to say.

Eren followed him with his eyes until he saw where he was headed.

Sat under a tree not too far from them, with an oversized blazer draped over his shoulders was Levi. It looked like he was sleeping, but he stirred and opened his eyes as the noise of Bertholt’s footsteps grew nearer. His usual indifferent expression settled on his face, but his eyes carried a devious glint to them as he regarded the nervous boy walking towards him.

Jean was suddenly ignored as Eren’s full attention focussed on the two men. Eren had seen Levi around campus quite a few times, his eyes automatically seeking him in a crowd more times than he liked to admit. When they passed in the corridors Eren always made sure to offer him a warm smile, but all he received was an icy stare in return. A few times, he’d caught Levi watching him interact with his friends, amusement lighting up his eyes. It was frustrating. So far, Levi was the only person in the whole of goddamn Sina that didn’t seem to like him and it irked Eren to no end.

Bertholt had stopped in front of Levi and pulled out a folder from his bag. He handed it to Levi with a shaking hand and Eren craned his ears to hear the exchange.

“-did the whole assignment for you. References and everything are already written in...” Bertholt was sweating anxiously, a deep blush spreading rapidly up his neck.

He’d done Levi’s assignment for him? Why?

Levi took the folder from him and flicked through some of the pages absentmindedly, seemingly ignoring the boy in front of him, who was becoming increasingly uneasy. Levi looked up and Eren could see Bertholt almost jump at the direct eye contact, his fingers bunching up the hem of his shirt.

Levi was smirking, eyes hooded; and it looked filthy _-perfect-_ on his face.

Bertholt was stuttering, gaze fixated on the ground and Eren almost felt sorry for him.

When Levi spoke his voice was like rich velvet; artful words slipping out from those sinful lips.

“Not bad.” He positively _purred_ the words. “I’ll make it up to you properly later.”

The promise had Bertholt shaking, nodding, stammering a response and fleeing back in the direction of the main college building on quivering legs.

What?

What could he possibly...?

_Oh._

It suddenly occurred to Eren what “making it up” to him might entail. Everything made sense. Eren’s face suddenly heated up, mind working in overdrive, conjuring up all sorts of possible scenarios. Indecent scenarios.

Levi was...he was.....Eren couldn’t even put it into words. _That_ was one of the ways Levi had the whole student body (and oh _god_ , half of the teachers) wrapped around his little finger. And that blazer that was draped so casually over his lithe shoulders...it was way too big for him, it couldn’t possibly be his own. What if it was...it was probably...

‘Oh my god.’

Eren’s heartbeat sped up and it took Jean’s large hand shaking his shoulder to break him out of his fantasies.

“Are you okay, bro?”

_Bro._

_Bro._

_Bro._

Eren’s eye twitched.

He banished the thoughts from his mind and nodded, still a little dazed, face still uncomfortably warm.

“Yeah...yeah...But anyway, Mikasa?”

Eren’s mind settled down a little as he listened to Jean go on about her gorgeous long hair for the billionth time.

The hair.

The hair, hm?

 Eren made a mental note to add this to his list. 

* * *

  

“Your hair’s getting pretty long, huh?”

Eren and Mikasa were walking back to the dorms together after saying goodbye to the rest of the group at Starbucks.

Mikasa brought a hand up to play with a loose strand of her dark tresses.

“Yeah, I guess...” She let the sentence trail off.

Eren pushed forward.

“Does it not get in the way of kick-boxing? It looks like a hassle.”

He shouldn’t have felt so good about how Mikasa’s face suddenly shifted to looking pensive as he twirled her hair around her fingers.

“You think so?” Her voice was so delicate, completely the opposite of the way she fought. “Maybe it is a little too long...”

She frowned slightly, more to herself than Eren. She looked up at him; face a canvas of an inward turmoil,

“Do you think I should cut it short?” She sounded unsure. Most girls were very particular about their hair, but Eren wouldn’t have pegged Mikasa for the type. Eren smiled, more because he was happy that Mikasa was asking him for advice on something he was planning on telling her to do anyway, than in reassurance.

“If that’s what you think is right.” He offered, patting her shoulder. It was always good to let them think they were making their own decisions.

“But...” Mikasa trailed off again, looking at the sky. “It’ll be winter soon...My neck will get cold.”

Eren almost laughed.

“I’ll buy you a scarf.”

 

 

When Eren got home, he crashed out on his bed immediately. He was so tired. So tired and so stressed.

He fished around in his bag for his notebook and found today’s page – quickly crossing various points from his lists,

‘Get somene to skip class with me.’

And

'Figure out a way to kill Jean's feelings for Mikasa.'

He quickly wrote a separate ‘Mikasa’s going to cut her hair because I told her to.’ on his achievements section. He smiled softly to himself.

He turned to the back of the notebook where he had the names of his acquaintances and their attributes, and cast his mind back to the Levi incident. The pen suddenly became harder to hold as he wrote down his new finding...one of the ways that Levi used to manipulate people.

Eren felt his face heat up again.

“Levi seems to be a master of sexual manipulation.”

And Eren could understand how. He was all unattainable perfection, full of icy glares, filthy smirks and a sensual kind of confidence. And he had every reason to be confident - he was five feet of beautiful. But Eren couldn’t help but wonder if Levi had actively studied sexual manipulation, or if it just came naturally to him. Like, what if he just woke up one morning, realised that he was gorgeous and decided that no one in the world was deserving of his attention unless they gave him something first? Or that he could use his body to get what he wanted?

Eren groaned and threw an arm over his flushed face. At least he could cross 'Find out more about Levi' off of his list but...

Just watching Levi in action was disturbingly exciting, he couldn’t imagine being on the receiving end...

 

When Eren fell asleep, his dreams were all teasing smirks, promises of “making it up to him” and Levi, Levi, Levi.

 --

 The next day, Eren entered the cafeteria to see that Mikasa had cut her hair into a short bob and he made sure to compliment her on it – a warped sense of joy burning in his stomach.

The morning of the next day saw Eren wrapping a long red scarf around Mikasa's neck, coiling it around and around her like a loving cobra.

The day after that, Eren patted Jean on the shoulder, eyes overflowing with calculated sympathy as the two-toned male sobbed into the crisp autumn grass.

“I don’t get why this hurts so much” _Yeah, neither do I._

“Why am I even fuckin’ crying?” _No seriously, why are you_.

“Man, this is embarrassing.” _Fuck, you’re telling me..._

But still, watching his friend in such pain made his chest constrict in the most repulsive way.

Eren buried the feeling and let sweet, comforting nothings tumble from his lips – conveniently forgetting that it was 100% his fault that Jean was like this.

Jean didn’t need to value anyone more than he valued Eren. No one did.

Eren made sure to check up on Jean every day; and when he invited him over to his room to watch a marathon of Come Dine With Me, Jean slung an arm around his shoulder, gave him a lopsided grin and thanked Eren for being such a good friend.

Eren let out a breath that he never realised he was holding.

 

* * *

 

 

Sasha was generally the one to disturb the peace at lunch, and today was one of those days.

“Ymir’s throwing a house party for Halloween!”

Everyone looked up from their food. Connie was the first one to speak,

“Yeah, I got invited on Facebook. I’m not going though, me and Ymir don’t really talk enough for me to feel comfortable in her house, y’know?”

There were nods all around. Marco spoke up next,

“There’s actually a late night art exhibition I wanted to check out on that night, so I wasn’t planning on going anyway.”

“Marco, you’re such a nerd.” Jean laughed, playfully punching his friend on the shoulder. “I was debating whether to go or not, but...” His eyes flicked nervously to Eren.

“What do you think, Eren?”

Eren was deep in his own thoughts. He’d been invited to the event on Facebook too, Ymir was a girl that he _sorta_ got along with – but the main thing was that

A)  Ymir was a third year. Levi was a third year.

B)  Ymir hung out with Bertholt Fubar and Reiner Braun. Both of which Eren knew to be doing various _things_ for Levi. They’d definitely be there.

C)  Aruo Bossard and Petral Ral, two third years that Eren had seen with Levi more than a few times, were listed as attending on Facebook.

The conclusion was that there was a (small but still there) chance of Levi being at this party – and Eren hated the desperation with which he wanted to be at this party too.

He looked up. Everyone was watching him, everyone was waiting for his answer.

He noticed that not just his table, but a few of the tables around him had stopped what they were doing and were waiting to hear whether he was going or not. Pleasure wracked through him like a tidal wave.

“I want to go.” As soon as the words left Eren’s lips, the area around their table exploded into hushed chatter.

_“Eren Jaeger is going to Ymir’s Halloween Party!”_

_“I wonder what costume he’ll wear?”_

_“I’ve always wanted to talk to him.”_

_“I’ve never seen him off campus before, I’m definitely going now!”_

Eren fought back a smirk as he looked around his own table. Connie and Marco looked uneasy, and another jolt of pleasure shot through Eren’s stomach.

Connie broke the silence,

“You know, actually, I think I will go after all!”

Eren grinned at him, a twisted kind of delight settling in his chest.

“Awesome!” All eyes were on Marco now, who was fidgeting slightly in his chair.

_Just another little push._

Eren beamed at everyone on the table, purposefully neglecting to make eye-contact with Marco.

“It’d be way more fun if we all went together, _right_?”

The last part was clearly directed at the fidgeting freckled boy.

Marco let out an awkward, nervous laugh.

“Yeah, haha...You’re right, Eren. I’ll come to the party too, the exhibition might come back again...I mean, I could always find pictures of it on the internet so...” He trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable.

Eren grinned with joy, reaching across Jean to slap Marco’s shoulder.

“That’s great, Marco, I’m so glad you’re gonna come too! Thanks!” Eren’s insides churned in elation. “But that exhibition wasn’t important to you, was it?”

He made sure to make sure his eyes were wide and sparkling with concern. Marco smiled, and Eren noticed with triumph that it was a completely genuine smile. 

“Oh no, not really! I’d rather hang out with you anyway, Eren.”

Marco smiled brightly again, and everyone murmured in agreement.

And Eren inwardly jumped for fucking joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was so boring, sob sob......Stay tuned for the compulsory party drama chapter coming up next!  
> I'll make it up to you all, I swear *winks*
> 
> Also again: Thank you soo much to people leaving comments and kudos on my little baby experiment fic  
> I haven't written fanfiction in about 5 years, and I never thought I was all that amazing at it anyway - but just the fact that people are reading this and LIKING this and then liking it enough to take time out of their day and write a comment?
> 
> Wow.  
> Thank youu （　´∀｀）☆
> 
> Like, I'm so happy and I get so excited and I want to tell someone, but then I remember that nobody around me actually cares so I just kinda sit in front of my computer like (o´ω｀o)


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I watch you sometimes, you know, ordering your little friends around. It’s almost adorable how you control people. They really don’t see through you, do they?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, um. I tried. This chapter is a teeny bit more adult.  
> Here is the obligatory college party chapter!  
>  
> 
> Also before I start: Again, I just need to thank the people who took the time to leave Kudos or even a comment on this story.  
> Like, wow.  
> Very thank.
> 
> No but seriously, you have no idea how warm and fuzzy I feel......it's wonderful.  
> Thank you.
> 
> Oh, and Eren's costume? Blood Dupre from Heart no kuni no Alice.

On the night of Ymir’s Halloween party, pre-drinks were held at Jean and Marco’s apartment, mostly because it was within drunk-walking distance to Ymir’s house – but also so the group could make fun of each other’s Halloween costumes, and of Jean’s DVD collection.

“Dude, you have way too much Disney.” Connie was dressed in quite possibly the cheapest, tackiest Dracula costume known to man – complete with ridiculous-looking fake blood oozing from one corner of his mouth.

Jean, who was wearing a black morph suit and a horse head mask, viciously slapped Connie on the back of his head.

“There is no such thing as too much Disney.” Sasha, who was half-assing it by wearing a pumpkin onsie, tried to agree with him through a mouth of chips only to succeed in spraying them all over the floor.

Connie sighed.

“You need to understand that it’s not cool for a grown-ass man to enjoy Cinderella.”

“And you need to bippity-boppity back the fuck up out of my life.”

Marco was the one to break them up, swatting them both gently on the arms with his riding crop. He was dressed as a jockey, as a counterpart to Jean’s horse. It was funny, until Connie asked if they realised exactly how deep the gay connotations were.

Then it was _hilarious._

Marco’s face had promptly turned an impressive scarlet, and Sasha and Connie had actually been reduced to rolling on the floor, clutching their stomachs as they laughed. Wiping a tear from his eye, Connie clapped Jean on the back, commenting,

“Well you know, Marco’s ass does look pretty sweet in those pants. No one’s judging you here, Jean.”

Marco choked on air, and Eren found himself wondering if the poor boy’s freckled face would ever revert back to its normal colour. But then, Eren also agreed that the pants made Marco’s ass look good so he couldn’t spare much sympathy.

Halloween wasn’t ever really celebrated in Sina. Children didn’t dress up and go door to door begging for candy, and it was generally treated as just another day. It was merely an excuse to dress up and get wasted, though not many people even made an actual effort with their costumes – it was mostly just a pretext for a party. And a reason for Pumpkin Spice Lattes to exist, and no one was ever going to be complaining about that.

Mikasa was dressed as the Queen of Hearts. Eren had suggested after he’d watched her sparring. Mikasa had floored partner after partner-

“You were just like ‘Off with their heads,’ and roundhouse kicked them – Mikasa, you’re like the Queen of that place.”

Mikasa had decided it was a good idea, and although she didn’t voice it – Eren could tell she was happy that the red scarf Eren bought her matched perfectly with her dress. It made Eren swell with pride. Sasha had helped Mikasa with her makeup, smearing layer after layer of concealer over her lips until they were invisible, and then painting a bright red heart in their stead. It contrasted beautifully with her pale skin and black hair – and while Eren did notice Jean stare at her for longer than necessary, his gaze didn’t seem to carry as much longing as it used to...

Armin was Alice, and the blush hadn’t left his face from the second the frilly blue bow settled on top of his blonde hair. Jean had been the one to offer the idea when he heard what Mikasa was going to be dressed as. He’d originally meant it as a joke, but as soon as Eren voiced that he thought it would be awesome, that was that. Eren’s word was law. Everyone agreed that he looked utterly adorable, and Mikasa had nominated herself as his bodyguard for the party, just in case something untoward were to happen.

Eren had decided that the safest bet was to join in with Mikasa and Armin’s Alice in Wonderland theme. He didn’t want to go over the top, but then he also didn’t want to look like he hadn’t bothered at all. There were going to be a lot of different people at this party – a lot of different people to impress. And a nagging little voice in Eren’s head kept reminding him of the tiny chance that he’d run into Levi – and it pained him to admit how much he cared about what the shorter male thought of him. If Levi was there, tonight would be the night Eren would make him like him.

Eren was dressed as the Mad Hatter. A long white coat with tails, accentuated with hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades covered a buttoned up white waistcoat. A dark green tie adorned his neck, and perched atop his head was a large top hat, decorated with roses and cards. Tight-fitting black jeans clung to his legs and disappeared into clunky black biker boots.

After Eren had exited the bathroom after changing, Connie had whistled and shouted that he was ‘giving Marco’s ass a run for his money.’

Marco’s flush deepened, and Sasha claiming that the ‘butt game’ was ‘too strong tonight’ really wasn’t helping.

It was about ten thirty by the time the teens exited Jean and Marco’s apartment complex and headed down the road – already intoxicated and incredibly noisy. They passed a few other groups of dressed-up party-goers, some on their way to and from nightclubs and bars in the area. Eren made sure to spare a grin and a wink for every group they saw – feeling a rush of excitement seep through his body at the flirty or flustered reactions he was rewarded with.

He could happily admit that he looked damn good; dark hair styled precisely under the top hat, kohl-rimmed eyes burning with in a confident intensity.

Was this how Levi felt every day? Did he feel the heated gaze of everyone around him, and use it for his own personal gain? Did he simply bathe in other people’s desire, or was every one of his moves and glances so calculated that people didn’t know they wanted him until they’d accidentally made eye contact? Eren frowned. Levi hadn’t done anything to him. Sure, he’d seen him use his charms on other people, but the most Levi had ever done was berate him; spitting words like poison at him. But Eren was still hooked, and it was so fucking _frustrating-_

“Well, I’d imagine this is it...”

Eren looked up at the sound of Sasha’s voice.

They didn’t even have to look at the address to know they were at the right place; they could practically feel the baseline pumping through the ground where they stood, and the amount of costumed teens milling around the front garden and hanging out of illuminated windows was enough of a clue.

Sasha squealed,

“Woohoo, let’s get our party on!” and began running up the path to the front door, hurling it open and disappearing inside without a glance back.

Connie shrugged and chased after her, plastic black cape whipping out behind him.

By now a few of the party-goers had recognised Eren’s group, and Eren felt the heat of their stares like never before. He made a conscious effort to roll his hips slightly as he walked, trying to mimic how he’d seen Levi do it. Hooding his eyes and offering easy grins and waves to familiar faces, and made his way inside. The first plan of action was to find Ymir and spout some obligatory _great party, thanks for inviting us blah blah_ bullshit – and then it was on to the main reason he was here:

Levi.

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours into the party and Eren was exhausted. Constantly moving around cradling a half-drunk bottle of beer and keeping tabs on his friends was tiring enough, but no, he was mentally shattered.

The pure effort Eren put into socialising; the smiles, the waves, the friendly punches, fake laughing at terrible jokes, putting up with drunken idiots, girls who were trying to get all over him, desperately scouring his memory for someone’s name, forcing his eyebrows to not knit themselves together in a scowl...

Why was this so easy for other people? How could people like Jean and Connie just waltz into a place like this as if they owned it, while Eren was trapped, forced to consciously command himself to smile and laugh and do all those things that _normal fucking human beings_ do...

But it was working, he had to remind himself. He might be tired, but he was way more popular than Jean or Marco, or anyone, for that matter. He glanced around at the people surrounding him, hanging on to his every word, changing their body language to match and compliment his. There were small things too, things other people would never pick up. For instance, the way that some of his friends wouldn’t laugh at something unless Eren had laughed, or the way that a few individuals would even unwittingly change their speech to slightly match Eren’s. The way that if Eren dropped the word “asshat” or “fucktruck” into his speech, he’d soon notice the people around him begin to use those words - even when they hadn’t used them once before. Fuck, Eren could probably use the word YOLO seriously in a sentence and it would be totally acceptable.

Eren was sure that he was the only one that noticed these tiny, tiny details, but they made him feel alive. He was the leader. Everyone around him were just following him without question, doing as he said, _loving_ him – and it was perfect, perfect, perfect.

Eren stifled a yawn.

The base pounding through his ears was making him feel a little dizzy, so he excused himself from the group to go outside for some fresh air. He passed groups of drunk girls, circles of students sitting on the floor playing drinking games and politely declined a few offers to go dance in the living room – which was apparently the ‘rave room,’ as Ymir had stated earlier:

“You wanna dance, you go to the living room. Likewise, if you’re in the living room and you’re not dancing, get the fuck out. No glass bottles in there either, duh.”

The front door was already half open, so Eren merely passed through it and let the cool (albeit slightly smoky) outside air wash over him. He let out a deep sigh as some of the tension from constantly acting left his body.

“Eren!”

And his body tightened up again.

He turned his head to see a blonde upperclassman with a ponytail and a goatee cheerfully waving him over. The face wandered merrily across his mind, looking for a name to connect with. Eren squinted his eyes in thought, and then mentally berated himself for it. What if the guy saw and took it as hostility? Idiot.

He forced a smile to light up his face as he walked over to the group, still searching for a name in his head...

Eld! Eld Jinn!

He worked at the Starbucks on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons, and was friends with Petra and Auruo. _And Levi._

“Hey, Eld! How you been, didn’t expect to see you here.” He lied, effortlessly. All his friends were going to be coming, of fucking course he’d be here too.

Eld grinned back and made to offer Eren a beer – to which Eren silently declined by holding up his still half-full bottle.

“Yeah man, gotta have some fun sometimes, right? Have you met Petra, by the way?” He gestured to the short ginger girl sat on a plastic garden chair next to him – and Eren finally took the time to look properly at the group Eld was with.

Sat on another plastic garden chair a little ways behind Petra, with his legs crossed and a glower on his face was Levi.

_Son of a-_

Eren beamed at Petra,

“We’ve never been properly introduced, but I’ve seen her around campus sometimes.” He turned to her fully. “You’re in the science block quite a lot, are you taking a science-based subject?”

He made sure to keep his voice and body language inviting – tonight was the night he’d get Levi to like him, somehow.

Petra gave him a warm smile and made to answer him, but Levi cut her off – voice dripping with sarcasm.

“No, she’s just walking the corridors of the science block, carrying her science textbooks because it seemed like a fun fucking thing to do.”

On second thoughts, maybe he could just punch him in the face.

Eren’s eye twitched.

_Ignore it. Ignore him. You’re above this._

He silently sucked air in through his teeth to calm himself down and mentally prepared to reply but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Just ignore Levi, he can be a bit of a dick sometimes.” Eld offered him an apologetic smile.

Eren laughed it off,

“Oh no, don’t worry. I guess it kinda was an obvious question.” He took a sip of his beer, willing his heartbeat to return to a normal pace.

Eren distantly registered Petra replying, telling him that she majored in Chemistry, but really he was too busy trying to convince himself that Levi’s gaze wasn’t boring into him, that the corners of Levi’s lips didn’t twitch upwards as Eren struggled to compose himself, that the attention wasn’t exciting him.

Suddenly Eld was speaking, and looking at Eren and fuck, he was speaking _to_ Eren – oh Jesus dicking Christ he hadn’t listened to a word he’d said, and now he was looking at him questioningly. This had never happened before, Eren had never lost control over himself like this before. Panic began to rise in his chest and his breath began to come out in short puffs. Fuck. How could he let his guard down like this, Eld was going to think that Eren was an asshole, and then he’d tell other people – and then people would stop loving him, and everyone would leave him; and fuck, he couldn’t _breathe-_

There was a hand on his arm and he flinched away, his attention violently ripped back to the current situation.

It was Levi – his face unreadable as ever. Levi turned to Eld,

“Looks like the brat’s had too much to drink, just look at him space out.”

Eld and Petra nodded at him sympathetically, seemingly no damage done. Eren’s breathing evened out and he offered an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, sorry...” His voice came out breathy and he felt Levi’s fingers twitch around their hold on his jacket. “I’m gonna go back inside and find somewhere to sit down and take it easy for a while.” Eld and Petra waved him off cheerily, reassuring him that it was fine. Levi, however, tugged him in the direction of the house.

“I’ll escort the idiot, make sure he doesn’t maim himself.”

And with that, Eren found himself being dragged back into Ymir’s house, upstairs, down a corridor and into an empty bedroom. Levi must have been here before. Eren felt his body heat raise as he thought of what reason Levi could possibly have had to know where the _bedrooms_ of all places were in Ymir’s house.

Eren forced himself to look Levi in the eye and plastered his smile back onto his face.

“Thank you, Levi.” He could have sworn he just saw Levi’s eye twitch. What the-?

“You’re such a little shit.” Levi’s voice came out in a growl, and Eren couldn’t understand why he’s being so hostile – didn’t he just help him?

_Come on, Eren, you can tolerate this. Just put up with him. Smile._

“I’m sorry for taking you away from the party, but I’m sure I’ll be okay once I just sit down-“

Levi cut him off with a fierce glare, steely grey eyes slicing into him like swords.

“Brat, you clearly haven’t been _okay_ in a while.”

Alright fuck this.

Eren let his fake smile drop off his face in a split second, face twisting into a glare that he hadn’t let out in public for a long time. It felt right on his face. No more pretending with this asshole,

“What,” He started, voice coming out aggressive and rough – nothing like the voice he was accustomed to using around people, “the _fuck_ is your problem?” Venom practically dripped from the words, and Levi’s eyes flashed in a dangerous kind of amusement.

Levi took a step towards him, his chunky boots making sharp clunking noises on the wooden floor. His lips twisted into a smirk and Eren was so fucking confused-

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Levi was virtually purring at him, the sound reverberating in Eren’s ears.

Another step closer.

“The real Eren comes out to play.”

Levi let the words hang in the air, eyes dancing mischievously.

He knew. He knew the whole time. The only person to ever see through Eren’s act, and it had to be this guy. Eren’s eyes narrowed even more, eyebrows furrowing in anger. Levi continued, his voice barely more than a throaty whisper,

“I watch you sometimes, you know, ordering your little friends around. It’s almost adorable how you control people. They really don’t see through you, do they?” Eren glowered at him defiantly,

“Of course they don’t.” Levi’s smirk simply widened.

“Of course they don’t...” A playful lilt saturated his sinful voice, and Eren should have found it as erotic as he did, _fuck-_

“But Eren, look at you.” Levi stepped forward again, completely invading Eren’s personal space. They weren’t touching, but it was so maddeningly close that he had to bite his lip and try to desperately subdue the feint trembles that threatened to shake his body out of arousal. Levi noticed, oh of course he had noticed – his eyes were glittering with amusement. He licked his lips (Eren’s gaze followed the pink muscle until it disappeared back behind perfect white teeth) and continued,

“How tiring it must be, keeping up this facade. Yes, you’re manipulating everyone for whatever reason it is that you have – I really don’t give a fuck – but look at the cost. Keeping tabs on your friends, going out of your way to make them like you and put them under your control. It’s like they’re controlling _you._ And you’re exhausted.”

Eren snarled, baring his teeth, eliciting another filthy smirk from the shorter man.

“Oh yeah?” Fuck this midget. Fuck him for making Eren reveal his true self, and fuck him _sideways_ for how good it felt. For how free Eren felt, trapped between Levi and the door – the polished doorknob pressing painfully into his back. “And you’re one to talk about exhaustion, aren’t you the one fucking half of the third year students at Sina?”

Levi raised an eyebrow, seemingly not caring at all about the accusation.

“Oh, you noticed?” Eren regarded him incredulously, heart still beating way too fast for his liking. “I’m sure it’s been more than half, and I’m in no way limited to third years...or students, for that matter – but who needs details?”

Eren couldn’t believe Levi was saying this so casually, as if he was talking about something normal like the weather. And the way Levi had fixed his intense gaze on him; Eren had never felt such a personal connection with a rabbit in the sights of a ravenous wolf.

Levi dragged a cool fingertip up the centre of Eren’s chest, his eyes not leaving Eren’s for a second – sinful smirk still fixed on his face. An involuntary shudder wracked his body, and Eren’s heartbeat suddenly sounded ten thousand times louder in his own ears. What was he doing? Why was he doing this, Eren had nothing to offer him – so what reason could Levi possibly have to-?

As he felt Levi’s deft fingers slowly tugging his tie undone, Eren decided that maybe he didn’t much care, as his breathing became more and more ragged. Levi let out a deep chuckle, and Eren could almost feel the sound seep through his pores and shake his body. Levi had barely even touched him, this was fucking ridiculous.

Levi scratched a trail from Eren’s collarbone to his ear with short, blunt nails and Eren felt his dick twitch in the confines of his pants. He sucked a breath in through his teeth, struggling to remember words. Levi simply let out a low hum of amusement and dragged his nails back down Eren’s neck – tearing a strangled whimper from the younger boy. He leaned forward even more to whisper hotly in his ear – and _fuck_ , Eren didn’t know his ears were sensitive until now, god _damn_

“We’re similar Eren, but not by much. I use people, and then I throw them away.” Eren felt the artful words trickle through his whole being, arousal from the sinful voice in his ear contrasting with the anger that flared up inside him at what he was actually saying. He wrenched his eyes open (when had he closed them?) and glared down at the dark haired male.

“Really?” He felt a cold hand wander up beneath his waistcoat, palming at the skin of his stomach, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine. He tried to ignore them, “Because the way I see it, people want you for sex, and then they get it. Surely they’re using _you?_ ”

A finger scratched delicately beneath the waistband of his boxers, _so close_ , teasing the trembling skin and Eren wondered why he was so turned on by scratching – _oh god, am I a pervert?_ The small twisted grin didn’t leave Levi’s face for a second – that wasn’t the exactly the reaction Eren was aiming for.

Levi laughed quietly, the sound dark and rich and ghosting over Eren’s earlobe. He bit his lip and didn’t miss how Levi’s eyes darted up to it, gaze smouldering.

“Well, what does it really matter – if we both end up getting what we want?” came the rugged reply, coupled with a series of short scratches to the sensitive skin around his pelvis.

Levi brought his lips closer to Eren’s ear, hot breath coming out in puffs over the responsive skin. His voice came out in a filthy whisper,

“I bet I can tell what it is that _you_ want, Eren.” Oh god, the way the man rolled his r’s and hissed his s’s should not have been so exciting. Eren felt his stomach burn with arousal and his pants get steadily tighter. Fuck, he felt so hot. His body was just about trembling with need. He managed to gasp out;

“I don’t want anything from you.” His voice came out in a strained whisper, sounding foreign to his own ears. He had never been so out of control of himself, and while it was terrifying, feeling bare and naked even though he was fully clothed, it was almost...thrilling. Nearly every fibre of his being screamed to just give up, to submit to the older man. After exhausting himself with manipulating other people, the idea of yielding, of giving up control to Levi was almost liberating. Exhilarating. Free.

Levi frowned up at his flushed face and oh God, Eren’s body _ached_ for him.

“Come on Eren, and I thought we weren’t going to lie to each other. After all, aren’t I the only one who doesn’t fall for your bullshit?”

His lips twisted back into a smirk and his fingers began to trace maddening swirly patterns beneath his underwear – the touch incinerating his skin. An almost in-audibly soft, desperate moan slipped out from Eren’s lips. Levi continued his torture,

“I could bend you over right here, Eren.”

Eren gasped at the words, his face flushing even hotter. Fuck, he wanted it. He felt Levi’s fingers probing dangerously close to his cock.

“I could take you apart.” Levi crooned into his ear.

Eren let his eyes slip shut and tried to concentrate on breathing, taking in ragged breaths through his mouth. He was burning up, his mind was foggy; everything was just Levi, Levi, Levi, _Levi-_

He suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his jeans pocket – treacherously close to his erection. Eren opened his eyes and felt like a spell had been broken. He pushed Levi away from him like the man was diseased, one hand flying to his phone in his pocket.

Levi didn’t even look phased, simply regarding Eren with mild amusement. Eren took his phone out and glanced at the caller ID. Armin.

He turned his glare back to Levi.

“Fuck you.” He spat. Levi’s lips curled back into a smirk.

“Oh yes, I much prefer you like this.”

Eren desperately tried to fight the flush rising up his neck, to fight the yearning for the man’s touch that his traitorous body was feeling. He spun around, arranging his top hat and tie, adjusting his erection up into the band of his boxers so it was invisible until it decided to go away of its own accord.

He could feel Levi’s interested stare burning into him, and he was seven hundred percent sure Levi was checking out his ass. Eren turned around. He was. The words came out again, laced with venom.

“Fuck you.”

And with that, Eren flung the door open and marched out – slipping back into character as he did so.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I use italics too much?
> 
> I'm really sorry that I suck so much at writing sexual tension, ahh!!
> 
> ALSO, someone asked me if I've personally studied manipulation and the answer is "kinda." 
> 
> I originally studied social interaction because I have this thing (autismlol) where I can't understand social conversation, facial expressions, gestures, implied meanings, metaphors, sarcasm and pretty much anything to do with social norms and rules. (Like seriously, I had a special class every week where I'd be taught general things like how far away to stand when I'm talking to someone, or what was a rhetorical question and what wasn't. Pretty crap, but I'm a functioning human being now so whatever.)
> 
> It was only a short jump from there to studying how some people can control other people and then when I moved from an all-girls school to a mixed school and realised that there was no visible reason why I should buy my own lunch when I could have it bought for me just by batting my eyelashes....(I also worked in a Hostess Club in Tokyo for a year, and my job was pretty much manipulating men while keeping up the façade that they were in control.)
> 
> Well, anyway - now we've established that I was an absolute dick for about a quarter of my life, I like to think I grew out of that phase, and now it's just something fun to write about. 
> 
> And now you all know my life story.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Levi wasn’t nice to people, so why would he be won over with Eren’s bullshit kindness act?  
> Maybe he should fight fire with fire. Fight dirty. Fight like Levi does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me ages to get written, wow. I'm sorry if it seems rushed because it kinda was - I just wanted to get this chapter out so I can move on to the frick-frackling that's gonna go down in the next chapter. #noshame

Eren had left Ymir’s party with a bunch more connections, friends who were _‘glad they went after all, thanks Eren’_ and his mask and persona still intact. Of course, beneath his demeanour he was frothing with hate.

He got home that night and wrote paragraph upon paragraph on the pages dedicated to Levi in his notebook.

‘Levi is a fucking twat’ had been instantly written out of rage, but then scribbled out again once he’d calmed down. But no matter how many deep breaths he took, Eren’s heart-rate just refused to go back to normal. He could feel it beating in his ears. _This is fucking ridiculous._

Levi was the only person Eren couldn’t control – the only person he couldn’t control _himself_ in front of. In fact, Levi seemed to get really pissed off when Eren presented him with his outside persona. He only started showing a- (Eren’s hand stilled on the paper, fingers momentarily clenching around the pen gripped between them) _personal interest_ in him once he’d let the real Eren out.

But Levi wasn’t a threat, per se. He didn’t seem to care that much about Eren’s life in general, and he didn’t appear to be the type of person to try to out him- (though who would even believe Levi over Eren, seriously?)

Eren sighed and put his pen down. As long as Levi wasn’t directly threatening him, he was safe. It was just ridiculously worrying to have someone completely out of Eren’s control roaming freely around the campus. And not just that, what if Eren couldn’t keep up his façade if he was confronted by Levi at college? What if he ended up letting his real self out around other people? Eren rubbed his forehead. A headache was definitely building up – he opened his desk drawer and started rummaging for aspirin.

But it felt so good, submitting to Levi like that. Being that out of control of a situation would normally send Eren into a violent panic attack. Not being able to predict the moves of the people surrounding him, people acting differently to how he’d intended – barely being in control of his own _body._ Usually just imagining these kinds of situations would shoot cold stabs of fear into Eren’s stomach but…then…what if?

Eren’s fingers located a packet of extra strength headache pills and popped the last two tablets out – discarding the empty carton in the rubbish bin by his desk. He got up, rolled his shoulders and began to make his way to the kitchen in search of a glass of water to take the pills with. (Dry-swallowing was a super-power that Eren didn’t yet possess, sadly.)

 _‘What if,’_ he thought, trudging down the hall to the kitchen area, ‘ _when I lose control of a situation, the way the scene pans out is left down to chance – and that’s the terrifying part of it. If I’m not personally manipulating the conditions, I’d have to rely on fate for the outcome. And fate is a fucking bitch.’_

_‘But maybe if instead of depending on luck or chance, I were to entrust the situation to someone just as skilled and calculating as I am…I would find it calming? I relax. That’s why I felt so…free, being controlled by Levi.’_

Eren filled up an only-slightly-dirty glass with water and chugged the tablets.

Even if that was the reason, he was still so shaken that Levi could control him so well – that he could bring all this out in him. When Eren controlled people, he did it in his best interests. He did it to satisfy his own needs. If he let Levi control him for Levi’s selfish reasons, who know what could end up happening? Eren’s head gave a vicious throb of pain. He sighed.

As he placed the glass near the kitchen sink (someone’ll have to wash it up at _some_ point, right?) he couldn’t help but think that it’d be much better if he could just control Levi himself.

Perhaps he was going about it the wrong way?

Levi wasn’t nice to people, so why would he be won over with Eren’s bullshit kindness act?

Maybe he should fight fire with fire. Fight _dirty_. Fight like Levi does.

As he teased with the idea his face heated up, abruptly remembering the way Levi’s breath had ghosted across his bare skin. He dragged his feet back to his room, mentally noting that learning sexual manipulation was going to be a pretty fucking difficult endeavour if his face started resembling a tomato at the first sign of lewd thoughts.

_‘Not just any lewd thoughts though, only ones about Levi.’_

As he finally lay back in bed, he started wondering that maybe it would be better to just avoid Levi altogether…

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later and avoiding Levi was proving to be absolutely fucking impossible. He was everywhere on campus, and if that wasn’t bad enough, he was on Eren’s mind constantly too. Of course he still managed to mask his thoughts from his friends, but Eren swore Armin and Mikasa were starting to notice that something was off with him.

Every time they passed in the corridors, Levi gave him this infuriating knowing look. Or he’d brush past him in the most tantalising way. He’d taunt him and taunt him until Eren was dying to just punch him or kick him or kiss him or _something._

And of course, Levi knew. He knew exactly what he was doing. Every move was perfectly calculated. Eren tried his damndest to not give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he affected him, but Levi could obviously tell. The fury that flashed so momentarily through Eren’s eyes went unseen by his friends.

Levi saw.

The way he grit his teeth or clenched his fists for a mere _second._

Levi noticed.

If Levi were to sweep by him in the corridor; let their shoulders slide together, allow their gazes to fleetingly meet – Levi would feel Eren’s body tense. He’d feel his frustration, his anger and his arousal. He’d feel the cracks in Eren’s resolve, and he’d search for the _real_ Eren’s split-second appearance. 

He got what he wanted every time.

The worst thing was that Levi was in the library ridiculously often. Eren used a quiet corner surrounded by high, barely used bookshelves to write his people notes in. He didn’t exactly need other students looking over his shoulder when he was picking apart every aspect of the way his “friends” acted in different social situations, so in between classes he concealed himself in this mostly abandoned corner. That part of the library was Eren’s campus sanctuary. (Although his room back in the dorms was his main refuge – his notes on various people and to-do lists concerning them were plastered all over his walls. No one was ever allowed into his room. Ever.)

Levi was always sitting with Petra Ral on a table near to the bookcase that Eren’s hiding place was located behind. Sometimes bits and pieces from their conversation drifted into Eren’s unwilling _(so willing)_ ears. Maybe it wasn’t even a recent thing; maybe it was more a case of Eren having only just noticed it. But that wasn’t the point at all – the point was that they were often forced to make some kind of contact. Be it eye contact, when they walked past each other coming and going, or when Levi wandered searching for a book. Or if Petra spotted him and called him over… Everything culminated in Levi’s gaze cutting through Eren’s very being, and rage and uncomfortable excitement boiling up from Eren’s stomach. It wasn’t fair.

Today was a godsend. Eren had greeted the librarian and waltzed to his spot without any trouble. His eyes flicked quickly down each aisle as he made his way to his desk, and there was no sign of Levi or Petra. He sat down and sighed contentedly. Eren pulled out his notebook and his newly acquired book on the theory of the ‘Looking-glass Self.’

His Communication and Culture classes had recently started discussing the topic, and Hanji had lent Eren the book within seconds of seeing the way his eyes lit up with enthusiasm when he asked more in-depth questions.

‘A person realizes how others see them. They realise what judgments the people surrounding them must be making about them - based on the way they see them and the things that they do. Then that person will begin to form their own identity based on these perceptions of themselves.’

“So, if that’s true – our perception of our own identities are just based on feedback from others?” Eren had asked in class. “If someone tells you that you’re a kind person, you’ll go through life thinking that you’re a kind person?”

Hanji had nodded.

“That’s how the theory goes, yeah. There are a bunch of studies, if you wanna do extra reading.”

Eren made note of this, and took a deep breath. He made sure to keep his voice even, so no one would suspect anything.

“But what if someone was faking? What if someone actually hated everybody, but was just pretending to be nice to them and tolerate them. They’d get complimented on their kindness all the time, but only they would know what kind of person they really were. What if someone was just manipulating everyone?”

Hanji had laughed, and the whole class had found it extremely funny.

Sasha had said that it would make an awesome plot for a movie, and Eren had grinned at her, suggesting they make one and get rich off of it.

“That would be interesting, Eren – there aren’t any studies yet, obviously. I’m sure those kinds of sociopaths exist though, there are probably a few of them in this university.”

Eren had fought down a smirk.

In this kind of society, there must be more than a few people like him. But then, it wasn’t like he truly hated everyone – he was actually growing really fond of his group. But it just so happened that if they knew what he was really like, they would definitely hate him. They’d leave him just like everyone else had.

The sound of shuffling feet and chairs being pulled out dragged Eren away from his musings. He leaned back slightly and squinted through the small gap between the top of some books and the shelf above. Eren inwardly groaned. Petra and Levi.

_Fuck my life._

Why were they so close anyway, like seriously? Levi treated her better than he treated anyone; the way they talked suggested that they’d been friends for a really long time. Eren turned the page and tried to ignore them. They obviously weren’t going to notice him, unless one of them went wandering, so he was safe as long as he was quiet.

Petra’s sweet voice soon seeped through the bookcase and into Eren’s ears though. He tried to ignore it, he truly did but-

“Levi, you seem really happy recently.”

Eren inwardly snorted and the same time Levi outwardly snorted. (No, his heart did not skip a beat at that, of course it didn’t.)

Petra corrected herself.

“Well, less than your usual disdain for life, you know?” She giggled lightly.

Eren didn’t realise he was straining his ears, or waiting for an answer until Levi spoke – his voice deep and rich as always.

“I guess I’ve found something really interesting of late.”

Eren abandoned the idea of reading his book in peace completely.

_What?_

Petra echoed Eren’s unspoken question, gently attempting to coax a more elaborate answer. Eren could barely hear the quiet, deep chuckle that Levi emitted – but it still managed to make the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end.

“Recently…” Eren heard the sound of a page being turned in a book. He was literally holding his breath, waiting for an answer. “There’s this brat I’ve been kinda playing with.”

It felt like the oxygen had left Eren’s lungs all at once. _‘He means me, he has to mean me…’_

Petra’s voice was disapproving.

“I can’t say I really like the sound of that. Have you…?” She let the sentence trail off uncomfortably. _‘Has he what?’_

“No, Petra – I haven’t _fucked_ him.” Eren almost choked on air, but caught himself at the last minute. Any noise at all could alert them to his eavesdropping. He heard his heart thumping in his chest, filthy images immediately springing to his mind. He tried to calm himself as Levi continued,

“Well, he _is_ cute. But more than that, the look in his eyes when he loses control is what gets me.”

 _Fucking. Asshole._ Eren fought down the furious urge to throw his entire body weight at the bookcase, topple it over and crush the little fuck – Petra be damned. He conveniently tried to ignore the cold, curdling feeling settling in his stomach at the implied meaning of Levi’s words and his brain played mental tennis:

_‘He’s just playing with me.’_

_‘Of course he’s just fucking playing with you, what did you expect?’_

_‘He thinks I’m cute…’_

_‘He thinks you’re cute when he’s **sabotaging** you.’_

_‘He’s a manipulative asshole.’_

_‘So are you.’_

Back and forth, dragging across his mind.

“What do you mean, ‘lose control’?” Petra sounded genuinely curious. “If you haven’t…I mean, if you aren’t…you know…”

This was when Levi would tell Petra everything. That Eren wasn’t really who he said he was, that his whole personality was a fabrication; all of his relationships with everyone based on lies. This was when he’d ruin everything with just a brief explanation. Eren felt panic wrench his guts; he suddenly needed to throw up.

Levi sighed.

Eren braced himself.

“It’s different.”

_What?_

Eren could hear his blood pumping in his ears, heart in his throat. He was still safe? For the time being at least but…

“It’s just fun. Nice, even.”

Levi’s tone made it clear that the conversation was over, and Eren felt his heart-rate slowly attempt to return to normal. _‘Nice?’_

It was still so dangerous though. Levi had to be controlled; his entire existence was treacherous to Eren’s social well-being. And he was just toying with him, like some kind of _pet_ – what the hell was with this asshole?

_‘He thinks I’m cute though’_

Eren painfully suppressed a groan at his own train of thought. That was not the point. That was far from the fucking point. He needed to do something. He needed to bring Levi under control somehow…

There was no other choice. He had to take a leaf out of Levi’s book and fight fire with fire.

But if Levi was the master of sexual manipulation, wouldn’t he see it coming from a mile off?

But...what other choices were there? Eren’s usual approach was useless – seeming only to aggravate the shorter man. Levi had already started something sexual between them, so if Eren reciprocated…maybe they could come to some kind of mutual understanding?

But no, that wasn’t good enough; Eren needed total control if he could ever have a hope of being safe. Of being happy.

There must be a way – and since what he was doing now wasn’t working, he may as well try another approach…

_‘Plus, he thinks I’m cute’_

“Oh, Levi – you are definitely coming to The Wall with us, aren’t you?”

Eren stopped plotting for a second and tried to listen – his mind working in overdrive.

“When was it again?” Why was Levi’s drawl so attractive, _fuck-_

“Not this Friday, but the one afterwards? You promised you’d at least show up…”

Eren could almost see the pout gracing Petra’s face.

The Wall was a bar in downtown Sina – made popular by the extensive shots menu, cheap student prices and the fact that whereas the ground floor had a laid-back, cool atmosphere that was perfect for kicking back with friends over a few drinks –if you went downstairs to the basement level, it was an all-night, teeth-shattering dubstep dance-fest. Eren had been once. It was crazy.

Levi sighed and reassured her that he’d definitely be going, but he’d probably only get there at about ten pm because he had other ‘business’ to take care of.

Eren made a valiant effort to not let that comment bother him- (what kind of business? Did he mean...?) and tried to focus on the main thing. He knew where Levi was going to be, and at what time. He wouldn’t be expecting anything. It was perfect.

Eren closed his long abandoned book and packed his belongings into his bag as quickly as he could – moving towards the fire exit in the back of the library as to not attract attention. He couldn’t give the game away, not now.

He needed to get to his laptop.

He had just under two weeks to study sexual manipulation.

It was time to beat Levi at his own game. Determination fizzed up inside him. There was no way in hell he was going to be played around with like a toy.

He marched out of the library and down the stairs. He’d send a quick text to his friends to let them know he wasn’t going to be in for the rest of the day – though he made a mental note to keep a closer watch on them after this was over. He couldn’t afford to have any of them stray from his group.

Eren exited the college campus, making a beeline for the sky rail station – insatiable hunger for manipulation stronger than ever. He hadn’t had a challenge like this in a long time - it was almost like the beginning when he’d first started studying. He wasn’t going to lose.

He took a seat on the small train for the short journey to the dorms.

_‘Levi thinks I’m cute…’_

* * *

 

By the end of the week, a good quarter of the wall by Eren’s bed was covered in Sexual Manipulation notes. After scouring the internet for regular “How to flirt” and “how to be sexy” (If anyone were to ever look through his browser history, Eren was 900% sure that they’d think a 16 year old girl owned the laptop) tutorials, summarising them and sticking them on his wall – Eren had even gone so far as to research male celebrities who were considered “sexy” and watch their videos on Youtube – breaking down every move they made, writing notes constantly.

Sultry looks, smouldering bedroom eyes, the telltale roll of the hips when walking, the tantalising sliver of tongue that darted out to wet inviting lips – basic things that Eren had even seen Levi do on occasion. He practiced them in front of his mirror, calculating and criticising each move until he deemed it good enough. Nothing short of perfect would win Levi over.

Did all this come naturally to Levi, though? Eren caught himself wondering while scrolling through a bunch of male pop-group’s videos, trying to mimic the erotic gazes they projected on stage. Eren could hardly imagine Levi at his desk, delving studiously into the topic like he was. Eren let out a long sigh, inwardly complaining for the fiftieth time that day that it wasn’t fair. Nothing came easily to him. He had no natural talents, and not even fucking regular human social interaction was straightforward to him. It was bullshit that some people could just coast through life with perfect conversation skills, not having to worry about their own fucking body-language.

But he wouldn’t let it ruin him again. Eren would be ready for everything.

He spent the next few hours listening intently to erotic voices and trying to adjust the feel of his own. Eren couldn’t help remembering the way Levi’s deep tones seemed to vibrate through his body, shaking his entire being. How he hissed words out, making everything sound filthier, more _inviting_ than it should be.

The main thing was practice. He needed to try these skills out on living test subjects. Obviously his college friends were out of the question – none of them could know what he was doing. Maybe he should go to a bar on his own? But there was always the risk of it working _too_ well – of someone thinking he was truly interested and trying to take him home. Whereas Levi could probably reduce people to a stuttering mess, and then kick their asses if they found the courage to get handsy with him – Eren wasn’t sure he could hold his own in a fight. He was the type to throw the first punch, but leave looking much worse off than whoever he was fighting with.

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose and took his headphones off.

He had to risk it, or else he wouldn’t be up to scratch by next Friday. As long as he was careful when he picked a victim, he should be okay.

He got up, felt his knees crack and dragged his feet to the bathroom for a shower. It was a rare Friday night that Eren wasn’t with his group, and there was no time like the present. He may as well get started straight away.

 ---

Two hours and a short bus ride later found Eren at a normal-looking gay bar on the outskirts of Sina. He couldn’t choose a popular student spot, and he didn’t want to go anywhere seedy as pretty much everyone there was going to be thirsty as hell. He needed a test, a challenge. And as he approached the bar, he found it in the form of a tanned guy, probably in his mid-twenties, sitting on a bar stool. There wasn’t anything disagreeable about his face, he was quite attractive. His hair was styled into a strange point at the back of his head though, which was odd.

Eren sauntered casually up to the stool one over from the one the man was occupying and pulled it out. It got his attention immediately and Eren felt the man’s gaze rake over his body appreciatively. Eren fought down a smirk as he slid into the seat, curving his body around the chair and under the bar counter a tiny bit more dramatically than he needed to – pushing his chest and ass out a little bit. As he contorted slightly to get his wallet out of his pocket, he let his eyes wander up the tanned male’s form, briefly meeting his eyes for a heated second and then turning away with a slight smirk. Eren noticed that the stranger hadn’t stopped looking at him, and he found himself wondering if it was always this easy.

He called the bartender over and let his eyes flicker over to the man next to him, allowing his tongue to peek out to wet his bottom lip slightly. As he dragged his eyes back to the approaching bartender, he noticed the tanned man lick his own lips and move to settle into the stool directly next to Eren. Eren smirked.

“Put your wallet away, I’ll buy whatever it is you’re drinking.”

Eren’s smirk widened and he stared coyly up at the man through thick eyelashes. He carefully schooled his voice into the sultry tone that he’d been practicing.

“Even if I fancied a bottle of Dom Perignon?”

Eren let his stare flit down to the man’s lips and slide back up to his eyes to fix him with a playful gaze. The man swallowed audibly and smiled wider.

“Keep looking at me with those eyes and I’ll buy you anything you want.”

Eren let his lips twist into a filthy smirk and hooded his eyes, letting his smouldering gaze bore into the older man.

“Well…” He let the word roll around on his tongue, mimicking the way he’d heard Levi do it. “Maybe we should just start off with something simple like rum and coke.”

The man turned to the bartender and ordered for him. The bartender nodded and asked,

“Any particular rum?”

Eren ignored the bartender in favour of grinning slyly at the older man,

“Morgan’s Spiced.”

He hissed his s’s just like Levi did and watched the effect it had on the man next to him. He noticed his breath hitch and the man’s gaze drop down to his lips again. Was Eren this obvious around Levi? How embarrassing…

The bartender returned with Eren’s drink and he took it with a smile.

“I’m Aaron.” It was close enough to his real name. The man grinned back at him,

“Gunter.” He offered his hand for Eren to shake - and he took it, sliding his fingers over his calloused palm as he brought his hand back. Eren could feel Gunter shiver at the action and his smirk widened.

They chatted about various things, Eren constantly making sure to keep his voice low and sultry; occasionally letting it take on a breathy tone, sometimes leaning closer and dropping it to a whisper. He took in every piece of feedback Gunter surrendered to him, drinking in his reactions and soaking in them.

He noted the way Gunter’s eyes focussed on his mouth when he teasingly bit his lip, the way his breath hitched when Eren slyly brushed their knees together under the bar counter. Eren had never been able to study this kind of body language of behaviour before; there was so much to write about when he got home.

Eren had just finished his second drink when he decided that it was time to politely excuse himself and deem the mission a success. He checked his phone, frowned slightly and leaned forward to trace a fingertip down the centre of Gunter’s chest, feeling the man’s heartbeat speed up under the skin as he did so.

“I’m gonna have to go now, baby, I’m sorry.” He crooned, a jolt of pleasure shooting through his stomach at the dejected look on Gunter’s face.

“You will be here again though, right?” The tanned man enquired.

He smiled up at him, green eyes dancing with mischief,

“Of course I will be.” He stood up, stretching languidly and catching Gunter staring at the sliver of skin that became visible between his shirt and his jeans. He smirked,

“I’ll see you soon, Gunter.”

Gunter licked his lips, forcing his eyes up to meet Eren’s.

“Bye Aaron.”

Eren rolled his hips as he walked out, glancing out of the corner of hooded eyes at everyone who watched him leave, desire clear in their faces.

He was definitely ready to take on Levi next week.

He walked home with a spring in his step and a smirk on his face.

  

* * *

 

The next week passed in a blur, and Eren found himself back in a bar environment, but this time on the lookout for a small, raven haired male.  He’d surprisingly only encountered him a few times on campus in the last few days, and he was itching to try his new skills out on the shorter man. Knowing that Levi had “business” until ten pm, Eren had arrived at ten thirty – but there was no sign of him on the top floor of The Wall yet. But then, Eren hadn’t seen Petra either, so maybe they were on the dance floor downstairs?

He sidled up to the bar and ordered himself a drink – hopefully it would help to calm his nerves a little bit. He couldn’t help craning his neck to look around the busy room, desperately searching for Levi. Eren had been borderline obsessive the last week, almost neglecting his friends to study more on sexual manipulation. He even found it slipping into his usual act at school – sometimes giving someone the bedroom eyes to get them to do what he wanted.

Eren looked up from his half empty glass (when had he even drunk it, how long had he been here for, fuck) to look for Levi again. This was fucking ridiculous, where was he? Eren downed the rest of his drink and decided to go to the bathroom to last-minute check his appearance. He’d worn a tight-fitting black button down shirt with enough buttons open to show off his sculpted chest, and dark blue jeans with a large belt buckle. He’d painstakingly lined his eyes subtly enough for it to be not overly noticeable, but it did bring out the colour nicely. He swung his hips slightly as he made his way to the toilets.

But that was when,

“Jaeger?”

That voice. Cold excitement shot through Eren’s abdomen. He swallowed his nerves and lowered his eyelids, turning around to regard the owner of that rich voice. Levi took in Eren’s appearance, his icy gaze devouring him in the most delicious way.

“What the hell are you doing here, brat?”

Eren smirked, taking one step towards him, noticing how Levi gave his body another once over.

“ _Levi…_ ” He positively purred he name out, watching as Levi’s breath hitched barely noticeably in his throat. The smaller man’s eyes widened fractionally, and Eren knew he was definitely moving in the right direction.

“You didn’t answer my question, you little shit.” Levi was smirking back at him, the sinful grin gracing his face more naturally than it ever could on Eren’s. He was almost jealous. “What are you doing here?”

Eren let his eyes roam over Levi’s small frame, moving back up to meet his stare. His voice took on a teasing quality,

“Oh, nothing really. Just chilling.”

He reached up to brush some hair out of his eyes, and then slyly wipe his suddenly-sweaty palms on his jeans. It seemed like it was going well but _fuck_ , Levi was gorgeous and the words just didn’t want to come _out-_

“Alone?” Levi spoke harshly. “Fucking loser.”

Anger flashed through Eren’s eyes momentarily and obviously didn’t go unnoticed by Levi, whose smirk widened. Fuck.

_Just a minor mistake though, don’t panic._

_Smirk back at him, damn it._

“Well, now you’re here I’m not alone.” A teasing lilt still saturated his voice and Eren regarded him with a coy stare.

“Buy me a drink?”

“You hilarious little fuck.” Levi’s voice wasn’t as harsh as it was earlier, amusement lighting up the tone. “Are you being serious with me? Fuck off, brat. You buy _me_ a drink.”

Eren tried so hard to not let the frustration show on his face but he had a sneaking feeling that Levi was just trying to coax a reaction out of him. He shrugged in what he hoped would pass for nonchalance.

“Whatever.” He smirked down at him. “Come sit on the bar with me then.”

Levi nodded, lips still twisted into a sinful smile, and followed Eren to the far corner of the bar counter. Eren sat down first and felt his heartbeat speed up as Levi brushed tantalisingly close as he went to perch on the bar stool next to him. Eren could feel the heat emanating off of him, and quickly steeled himself lest he be caught off guard. Levi was glaring up at him, filthy smirk ever-present on his lips.

“So what are you buying me?” Levi asked, licking his lips in such a sinful way that Eren found himself squirming in his seat, a bolt of arousal wracking through his body.

_‘Ugh, this is fucking infuriating!’_

Frustrated anger bubbled up inside him. There was nothing that could ever prepare him for the calculated erotic looks that Levi sent him, or the way the words tumbled out from his perfect lips. This act would probably work on anyone else in the world - just not Levi. Fucking bullshit. Eren gritted his teeth, ignoring the way Levi’s smile widened at his cracking resolve.

He schooled his face back into the sultry expression he’d practiced so many times, forcing his voice out, teasing and breathy.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, Levi.”

Levi narrowed his eyes and sucked air in suddenly through his teeth – probably wondering when in the hell Eren had learned to talk sounding so _dirty._ It seemed to definitely be a step in the right direction, reaction-wise. Eren fought back a grin of satisfaction. Until...

Levi shook his head and chuckled lightly, his words leaving his mouth in a silky whisper so that Eren had to lean forwards and crane his ears to be able to hear him properly,

“You’re good, brat.” The fuck? Eren’s face twisted into a frown before he could stop it, Levi looking delighted at the abrupt change. Levi leaned towards him, their thighs and sides pressing together in the most maddening way. He fixed him with a piercing stare that made Eren gulp.

 _‘Why can’t I control my reactions?’_ Eren wanted to punch something, and Levi slid closer.

“You’re real fucking good.” His voice was now nothing more than a whisper that licked hotly at the shell of Eren’s ear. He could feel himself coming apart; he clenched his fists on the bar top. Levi saw, he _must’ve_ seen, fuck, he began dragging a deft finger up Eren’s bare arm – leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

This wasn’t supposed to be how it goes. Eren was almost trembling, resolve infuriatingly close to breaking. Why, why, _why the fuck_ couldn’t he control himself? All he wanted was for Levi to touch him more, talk to him more in that fucking _filthy_ tone-

“W-what do you-“ Eren found himself stammering helplessly, completely different to how we was a mere two minutes ago – Levi finding the sudden transformation overwhelmingly sexy. At the sign of all pretences being dropped, the effect in Levi was instantaneous. Levi’s pupils suddenly dilated as lust surged through him, fierce eyes taking on a mischievous glint, dark and sensual with desire. His entire body seemed to relax, melting deliciously into Eren’s.

A dark laugh escaped the raven haired man’s lips.

“That’s what I’ve been waiting for.” His voice barely above a whisper. His finger made its way all the way up Eren’s shoulder and the hand snaked into his hair, yanking his head down to Levi’s level. Eren gasped at the immediate pain, rage suddenly boiling up inside of him.

“What the fuck, Levi!?” Their faces were mere centimetres apart, and Eren could see Levi’s eyes dancing with amusement; flashing with danger. Levi’s grin widened and his hand tightened in his hair – making Eren wince.

“This is what I wanted. You. Like this.” Levi leant in and licked the corner of Eren’s lips, sending jolts of fiery arousal through his abdomen. Levi continued in a whisper against his mouth,

“The real Eren is so much more fun. I told you before didn’t I? But I have to admit that what you pulled tonight was way better than that bullshit Saint Perfect act you try to put over everyone else.” Levi’s free hand began to rub circles on Eren’s inner thigh, slowly moving upwards to where Eren would fiercely deny that he wanted to feel him most (but kind of _did._ ) He bit his lip and cast his eyes downward, tremors running through his body. He’d failed. He’d failed, but instead of crushing disappointment, his mind was just a haze of lust. He needed Levi – he needed Levi so fucking much.

“You made me want you even more, Eren.” Levi crooned, his name rolling off his tongue in the best _(worst)_ kind of way.

 _‘No, you don’t get it – that’s not what I wanted.’_ Eren thought desperately, body temperature rising rapidly. _‘I want to control you, I want to use you. I didn’t just want to make you fuck me- but… oh god, I really want you to fuck me.’_

Nothing could have prepared him for the searing kiss that came next, Levi’s lips dominating his with brutal force and greedy demand. Eren found his anger dissipating, uncontrollable lust reaching up to take over. He gave a sharp gasp and a high pitched pleading whine against Levi’s lips, the shorter male’s skilful tongue working its way inside Eren’s mouth. A low growl stirred in Levi’s throat, coaxing out filthy carnal desires in Eren that he’d never felt before. By the time Levi broke the kiss and released his head, Eren was panting heavily, his eyes glazed over with lust.

Levi stood up and Eren gazed up at him helplessly, lust blown pupils boring into Levi’s own.

Levi groaned, taking in the sight of him. He pressed the palm of his hand tight against forehead, clenching his jaw and looking almost pained.

“You don’t fucking get it do you?” Levi groaned, voice sounding absolutely wrecked. Eren could only watch the older man try to compose himself, waiting for his own heart rate to go back to normal.

Levi gave a short laugh, rolling his eyes incredulously,

“You don’t. You seriously don’t.” He let his hand fall from his face, fixing Eren with an intense glare that did nothing for the twitching in his pants.

“You; like this, when you’re not pretending. You’re so fucking perfect, I can’t even-“

Eren’s eyes widened. What? No. He had to be lying to him. He was just saying things in order to sleep with him, to get him to do whatever the fuck it was that he wanted.

_‘Perfect?’_

He was the furthest possible thing.

 Levi clenched his eyes shut and when he opened them, all Eren could see were dark whirlpools of lust.

“Get up Eren.”

He didn't need to be told twice, willing his erection down in his pants.

“We’re fucking leaving.”

And with that, Levi dragged him out of the bar.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like how this chapter was all over the place, sorry sorry sorry....  
> I'll make it up to you all with a healthy amount smut and maybe some explanations in the next chapter. 
> 
> People who really wanted to see Eren successfully control Levi after all that hard work - I'm sorry...  
> It'll get better, I promise
> 
> Also, I don't know if any of you are interested, but I have a tumblr if you want to message me or just.....anything in general. It would be nice to hear from some of you sooooooo~  
> I'm trickfantasy over there too
> 
> Just a quick story before I go - I've been planning the smut chapter for a while now, and I write all my ideas in a notebook. I have to travel 2 hours to work everyday, and on the train last week there was this homeless guy and his dog who, in a completely empty train carriage, decided to sit next to me. (To be fair, the dog was awesome) I was scribbling down notes for the smut chapter, and the homeless guy seems to think its a fab idea to talk to me. So he's like  
> "Ahhhh so you're a writer?" He is actually swigging from a bottle of straight vodka, in public. I just kinda nod and he says  
> "Whatchya writing there?"  
> And I'm like  
> *sweats nervously*  
> gayporn.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get their frickle on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My baby reached 100 Kudos!! *violently krumps for a year* Thank you so much! 
> 
> *Is still in awe that people actually like this*
> 
> This will be the last chapter before Christmas - maybe before New Year, but I'm not sure. I don't have any family, so I doubt I'll be as busy as some. I might just surprise everyone and slip one in (ayyyyyy)
> 
> Oh, is that 2000 words of gay porn down there? My, my, my, I am so very sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> no seriously, I'm really sorry!

Where was Eren and how did he get here?

He vaguely remembered himself and Levi stumbling into the room, their lips instantly connecting and Levi dragging his tongue lewdly over his bottom lip.

He also had a hazy recollection of a strong, pale hand tangling itself in his chocolate brown locks, yanking his head backwards to bare this throat, followed by a hot, wet mouth attacking his exposed skin – sending fire through his veins.

When he’d been roughly pushed back against the door (they still hadn’t made it that far into the room,) sinful hands slipping up his shirt to splay across virgin skin – Eren recalled choking out breathy, desperate moans. His breathing got heavier and his eyes lidded, pleading Levi to stop and keep going at the same time – scratching at the wooden door behind him for some sort of purchase.

He’d been manhandled with a growl; manoeuvred in the direction of the bed, stumbling slightly as he tried to keep in constant contact with the shorter male.

And now this was where he was – pinned on his bed beneath Levi’s hard body, lust-blown eyes staring up into Levi’s with a desperate, imploring look that he didn’t even know his face was capable of making. Levi was sat upright, straddling his pelvis, drawing light spirals and trails down his stomach – inching closer and closer to the root of his desire. Eren writhed and whimpered softly under him, small shocks of pleasure coursing through his body. Levi leered down at him,

“Look at you, Eren…” There was a mad glint in his eye, “You’re almost trembling underneath me.” He punctuated the statement with a fluid movement of his hips – grinding their erections together through their clothes. Levi’s face lit up in a feral grin at how Eren’s toes curled and his breath hitched in a way it never had before.

Levi kept the motion up with his hips as he lent down to unbutton Eren’s shirt and push it to the side – taking in the smooth expanse of untainted skin. He dragged his fingers up Eren’s chest to mercilessly tweak his nipples, keeping up the constant friction to his cock – drawing it out, leaving him breathless.

To say Eren was hot would be an understatement. A ridiculous understatement – he was fucking burning up. His head was a haze, the only coherent thoughts of _yes. good. more. please._ bouncing off the inside of his skull. Eren breathed shakily through his nose as he bit his lip in a useless attempt to stifle the sounds that threatened to spill from his lips like a waterfall.

Eren let out a soft keening noise, his nerves lighting up as Levi grinded sensually against the hardness in his pants – thumbs still teasing his pink buds.

“You look so good like this…”

Levi’s husky voice struck a chord deep down inside him. He was mewling; he was a mess. He was squirming, breathless underneath the older man like a little slut. That voice, and those words. He knew he was moaning, he knew he was flushed all the way down his chest, but a wave of pleasure washed over him at the small praise.

Levi noticed.

“Do you have any idea how perfect you are like this, Eren?” He crooned; voice silky and fluid.

Eren should have been able to hold back the embarrassing noise that escaped him at those words – but it was impossible. His face was burning, his ears on fire – the heat shooting through him like a punch to the stomach. Levi’s smirk only widened as he shifted off of him to remove his own shirt, shoes and jeans. He folded his clothes and placed them to one side, turning back to kneel intimidatingly over a trembling, neglected Eren.

Eren’s eyes fixated on the prominent tent in Levi’s underwear and he couldn’t help but hazily think to himself,

‘I did that to him…’

He wasn’t trying, he wasn’t purposefully calculating and drawing a reaction – he was just lying back on that bed, letting his body and mouth do whatever naturally – and Levi was _praising_ him and-

“You’re so good, Eren.” Levi’s voice came out even lower, the gritty quality caressing Eren’s senses in a way that made his gut twist and a sharp whimper escape his lips.

Levi’s fingers were working the belt of Eren’s jeans open, sinful mouth put to work - pouring praise like a faucet.  

“I don’t see why you have to put on some act all the time – look at you now. You’re just being swept away by everything, and you’re fucking perfect like this.”

Eren’s dick twitched pathetically inside his pants, all the breath leaving his body at once. When Levi praised him, he just melted. Everything inside him turned boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time. He wasn’t acting – he _couldn’t_ act in front of Levi, but Levi was _praising_ him when no one else ever had. But it had to be lies, he had to be just playing with him – but oh my god, now was not the time to be getting sentimental. Not when Levi’s fingers were unzipping his jeans and slipping his boxers off with them – leaving him exposed beneath him and dragging a thumb up his throbbing cock and fuck, fuck, _fuck-_

“Levi!”

The name left his hot, wet lips in a desperate cry – a long, shameless moan following it as the older male wrapped his long fingers around his shaft and began pumping him slowly. Eren’s hands desperately clawed for purchase, tangling in his sheets as he shut his eyes tightly in a pathetic shield against the barrage of pleasure attacking his senses.  

Levi swiped his thumb over the head of his cock, smearing the precum and leaving Eren breathless.

“Look at you, you’re dripping.” _Oh god, please._ He couldn’t stop moaning.

“I bet you’re gonna sound real pretty being fucked.” Eren’s cock continued to twitch and leak.

“Oh fuck, _Levi-_ “ He couldn’t help the way he gasped Levi’s name out, small helpless sounds tumbling from his lips as Levi’s skilled fingers worked his cock.

Levi’s eyes darkened with lust, eyebrows suddenly knitting together,

“Fuck, I love the way you say that.” He jerked him harder, Eren’s stomach slowly tightening, the feeling threatening to burn him from the inside out. “You’re being so good for me, Eren.”

Eren’s cheeks flushed and his body arched, wave after wave of ecstasy attacking his senses – a powerful surge of excitement shooting straight to his cock at the praise.

Suddenly Levi pulled his hand away from his cock so fast that Eren almost sobbed. Eren stared up at him, eyes glazed over with lust – pupils so far blown that he looked high. Possessed. 

“Wait.”

Eren almost flinched at the commanding tone in his voice, eyes never leaving Levi’s form as he reached over to where his jeans were folded next to the bed and retrieved his wallet from the back pocket. Eren watched with growing apprehension as Levi slipped out a condom and a small plastic tube of lube from his wallet before replacing it. He placed the condom on the bed next to him and broke the seal on the tube. The shorter male slowly peeled himself out of his own boxers, leisurely rubbing his own dick while taking in the image of Eren, flushed beneath him – a light sheen of sweat making him glow.

Sudden nervousness flared up inside Eren. He’d never done anything like this before… Levi seemed to notice his abrupt uneasiness and his eyes softened,

“Don’t worry, trust me.”

Eren regarded him with conflicting emotions that all turned to mush as Levi’s skilled hand rediscovered his neglected cock and the fire in his abdomen reignited.

He needed to be fucked by Levi.

Slick fingers probed his entrance and Eren let out a sharp gasp of surprise. Levi looked up at him, soft smile barely visible in the dark,

“No one’s spoiled you here before, have they?” His voice was small, controlled – the exact opposite to how Eren was feeling at that moment, the exact opposite of the feral look in Levi’s eyes.

Eren’s breath came out harshly; face heating up even more than it already was, suddenly unable to meet Levi’s gaze.

“That’s okay, Eren. I’ll pry you open, make it good for you. Trust me.”

There they were, those words again. _Trust..._

Well, since they’d come this far – Eren supposed it wouldn’t kill him to trust him a little bit. Just for this…

The tip of Levi’s forefinger slipped inside him, and his whole body tensed up. It felt awkward. An intrusion. Eren willed himself to relax. Levi looked down at him, the predatory glint in his eyes threatening to devour him.

“You’ll fucking love this, I promise.” He declares, rubbing at his insides – the initial discomfort slowly ebbing away.

Levi took his time, working him open with one, two fingers – Eren sobbing beneath him all the while, hips rolling down helplessly. Levi lent down to pepper rough, wet kisses across his neck – drawing more filthy noises from the younger boy. Levi growled into Eren’s ear, the sound shooting straight to his cock,

“I bet I could make you cum just like this.”

And he probably fucking could. The searing feeling ripping through Eren’s body was almost unbearable, short pleading cries leaving his lips – suddenly silenced by Levi’s mouth on his own. Pleasure licked at his whole being. Eren’s body trembled, cock twitching as Levi opened him up – caressing his insides in such a maddening way; kissing him as Eren came apart against the sheets.

Soon his fingers were gone and Eren only had a split second to mourn the loss before something much bigger was positioned at his entrance. His apprehensive eyes, bleary with lust, gazed pleadingly up at Levi – teeth gritting as he felt the older man’s cock slide into him inch by inch.

And _fuck_ it hurt.

But the pain made him feel alive. Levi’s artful voice encouraging him to take it, to let go and ride it – and it wasn’t long before Eren was mewling, writhing, sounding like a complete slut because _fuck_ he needed more. He was splitting in half and he craved it so bad, please, _please-_

“Oh please _, fuck-“_

Eren thrashed his head to the side as the maddening pleasure bubbled up inside him, consuming him, making his toes curl. He desperately tried to spread his trembling thighs further apart – feeling Levi ram into him deeper, harder, _yes-_

Every cell in his body was aflame, every inch of his skin lit up with a pink flush and his eyes helplessly clenched shut at the way that slick cock ground into him, fucking _wrecking_ him from the inside out. Deeper and deeper, stretching him in the most delicious, sinful way - making him shatter into a million pieces. His whole body arched as Levi struck something deep inside him, drowning in wave after wave after _wave_ of ecstasy.

_“Nnh…”_

Eren swallowed hard against the shocks of pleasure racing through his body, cracking one eye open to regard the man relentlessly thrusting into him in long, powerful strokes. Levi looked just as wrecked as he was: flushed down to his chest, a sheen of perspiration gracing his alabaster skin, roughly biting his bottom lip as he took in the way he made Eren break down so beautifully underneath him. Levi relished in every change of expression that lit up the younger’s face every time the pleasure overwhelmed him. He rolled his hips into Eren faster, harder, fuck-

_“Ahnn, Levi,”_

A string of throaty curses left Levi’s mouth as he pulled out from Eren, ripping a choked sob from the younger.

Eren was flipped over, coaxed onto his hands and knees before his face was shoved down into the sheets, ass in the air. His forgotton shirt was ripped from his body and tossed aside. Levi wasted no more time, slamming into him, one hand possessively on the back of his neck – the other with a bruising grip on Eren’s hip.

The position was so dirty. So fucking filthy. Eren could feel every pulse of Levi’s cock inside him – every twitch. Eren choked on his own spit, his thighs shook and Levi snapped his hips mercilessly over and over and _over._

“You like it when I fuck you like this?”

Eren squirmed and whimpered, completely and utterly debauched underneath him.

_“F-fuck…”_

His fingers gripped the sheets as Levi fucked him, his mouth open and hips rocking back desperately – craving more. Eren’s cock twitched near painfully and he could feel his climax coiling in his stomach. He was burning up. It felt so overwhelmingly good. Shocks of bliss coursed through his body, wracking his whole being. Eren gasped brokenly into the pillow, balls tightening - his asshole clenching and unclenching around Levi’s girth. Levi fucked him like he meant it, and Eren saw _stars._

The raven haired male growled above him, thrusting harder, rolling his hips ruthlessly. Eren’s whole pelvis – _his whole being_ – was on fire. He couldn’t stand it much longer-

 _“Nnh, Levi-“_ The name was a drawn out whine, gasped out from trembling lips.

Levi rewarded him with a particularly brutal thrust, uncontrollable pleasure lighting up Eren’s nerves again,

“Good boy, Eren.” Oh god, _fuck._ The moan that left Eren was filthy; shameless. Levi’s voice had somehow gotten even lower, even deeper – the rough quality doing dirty things to Eren’s body. He can’t breathe, he’s gonna come, he’s gonna-

_“Come for me.”_

It was an order - barked out in a rough voice and shot straight to Eren’s cock. He panted, he whimpered, he trembled and his legs gave out. Eren collapsed and came rutting against the sheets of his bed as though he knew nothing else, moaning the whole time – each merciless thrust wringing more and more out of his cock. Ribbons of thick, white semen striped the sheets beneath him, painting them with his desire.

But Levi didn’t stop. He had followed Eren as his knees buckled, planting one hand next to his head and keeping the other on his hip. Eren could feel the bruises forming but _fuck_ , he didn’t care because he was so sensitive. So receptive. Every nerve in his body tingling, dancing, it was _too much_ -

The thrusts kept coming at the same intensity - that hard, slicked cock dragging against his stretched walls – driving him insane. Eren could barely take in oxygen, didn’t have enough breath left in him to make any noises except for tiny, broken whimpers. Pleasure licked at his insides, his body maddeningly sensitive. His every nerve-ending felt raw, his hole felt abused and _electrified_ with the heated bliss crashing over his senses. Those strong hips grinding against him, filling him over and over.

“ _Fuck_ , Eren.”

Eren had never heard Levi sound like this. He sounded broken, desperate. He stared at him with glazed eyes, soft pants leaving pink, kiss-swollen lips. Levi’s head tipped forward, eyes clenched shut,

_“Eren-“_

Eren felt him twitch inside of him, spilling everything inside his pliant body. Levi’s petite frame shook, his muscles clenching in an amazing way – his last few furious thrusts ripping desperate moans from Eren’s mouth.

And then they were still.

The only noises cutting through the silence were shaky deep breaths as the two tried to compose themselves. Eren felt like his whole body was singing.

But reality crashed down on him quickly.

He felt raw and bare. The euphoric tingling in his stomach was rapidly being taken over by fear, panic. Impending loneliness.

His mouth formed the words before his brain could intervene, and his voice came out ragged and delicate. Imploring. _Vulnerable_.

“Levi…” He started, unable to make eye-contact. “D-don’t…don’t leave...”

The words hung in the air for a while, Eren feeling incredibly small at that moment. He jumped slightly as Levi moved his hand from his hip up to his shoulder.

“Well I’m gonna have to pull out at some point, babe.”

A tiny smile broke onto Eren’s face, but it soon twisted into an uncomfortable expression as Levi did just that – a lewd squelch following his actions.

Eren could barely keep awake or coherent as Levi gently cleaned him with a corner of the soiled sheet and then slowly peeled the sheet off the bed, discarding it in a corner. Levi tied off the condom and threw it in the bin. Eren watched bleary eyed and only half conscious as Levi picked up the duvet from where it was abandoned on the floor, made a few scathing remarks about not making his bed in the mornings and threw the duvet over him. Eren shuffled closer to the wall so Levi could climb into bed next to him.

Levi was so warm and Eren felt so sated. He fell asleep quicker than he could ever remember being able to before – without the help of anxiety or sleeping medicine.

 

* * *

 

 

Sunlight streamed in through a crack in the curtains and shined on Eren’s face long enough for him to give up trying to ignore it. He groaned and shifted slightly, a sudden twinge of pain shooting up his spine from his pelvis.

Last night’s events flooded back to him and his eyes shot open. Levi wasn’t in bed next to him.

He spotted the raven haired male standing, back facing him, clad only in his jeans.

That wasn’t the point at all though; he was stood facing the wall. All of Eren’s walls were plastered with notes. Lists. Bits and pieces from his notebook. Snippets and cuttings from his manipulation notes.

Fear rapidly bubbled up inside him, horror quickly escalating to a mad panic. His body was suddenly wracked with a series of uncontrollable shudders, and Eren felt his stomach twist.

Levi must’ve heard the rustle of his movement as he turned around – confusion, desperation, _distaste_ in his eyes. Eren’s throat was rough and dry – his voice coming out in a low growl.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

His fingers clenched in the sheets, trying to fight down the impending panic attack. He felt a sudden drip of cold sweat down his back. Fuck.

“That should be my question, brat.” Levi’s voice was unstable. Unsteady. If it were any other situation, it would be hilarious.

But it wasn’t. It fucking wasn’t.

Levi continued,

“I thought you were just another kid that played with people for fun. Or a regular sociopath but-“

Eren snorted. ‘ _Regular_ sociopath?’ Levi ignored the interruption.

“But this?” He turned to read out a few select quotes from the pages plastered to the wall in front of him.

“November 4th:

_Gave five members of the group compliments._

_Started a conversation with two strangers._

_Made a stranger pay for a snack out of a vending machine for me by frantically patting my empty pockets, and looking defeated in front of it._

_Made a co-worker offer to cover my shift. Went home early again. Still getting full pay_.”

Eren’s face heated up, feint trembles still shocking his body. Levi continued onto a different page,

“ _Thomas Wagner: Majoring in Child Psychology, sits at the back of my Comms class. Complained on November 24 th that his dog had knocked water onto his textbook and the pages were wrecked. I should buy him a new textbook and invite him to sit with us. He’d be a good addition_. _Buying him something important like that will make everyone think I’m super caring or some bullshit idk._ ”

Levi turned back to regard him, one eyebrow raised.

“I hope you know that this _isn’t fucking normal_.” He ran a hand roughly through his hair, “It’s definitely not even healthy. I said before about how tiring it must be to put on an act, but all this research? All this planning?” His eyes raked over Eren’s shaking form.

“Not to mention you look like you’re about to have a full-blown panic attack right now.”

Eren forced air in through his nose and out of his mouth, slowly sitting up and turning to face Levi – discomfort surging through his body at the movement. He steeled himself,

“You have no fucking clue. You don’t know anything about me-“

“I know that this isn’t okay!”

Eren flinched at the sudden harsh tone, but anger steadily began to outweigh his panic,

“You fuck teachers for extended deadlines, and you think you’re entitled to lecture me on what’s right and wrong?” Eren’s face contorted with rage. How dare Levi lecture him? He had no idea what Eren had been through, no idea what drove him to act this way. He didn’t have the slightest clue about the _desperation_ with which Eren studied, calculated and manipulated people.

“I have my reasons just like you probably have your reasons. Just where the fuck do you get off trying to give me a speech on morals?”

Levi forced out an exasperated sigh and gestured to the page on Jean Kirschtein where the episode with Mikasa was highlighted – every step Eren had taken to making sure Jean’s feelings died was painstakingly written out. Icy cold panic twisted Eren’s guts.

“You’re monopolising their lives.”

And yet, at these words, Eren couldn’t help the way his lips warped into a sick smirk. He was. That was _exactly_ what he was doing. Levi stared at him as though he was about to explode. Apprehension clouding his eyes slightly, equal parts of worry and anger keeping his body tense.

“Look, I’m not going to tell anyone what I’ve seen here. But…this-“ He gestured around the room, “Isn’t good for you. You have ridiculous dark circles under your eyes and I’ve seen how rigid your body is when you’re acting in front of people. You’re going to get sick.”

Eren clenched his eyes against the sudden throb of a headache. He stood up, ignoring both his body's scream of protest and the fact that he was buck-ass naked - and made towards the desk drawer where he kept his medicine, regarding Levi coolly out of the corner of his eye,

“And even if I did, it still wouldn’t be any of your business.”

A mixture of emotions flitted across Levi’s face at the contempt dripping from Eren’s words. It was impossible to imagine that they had been connected at the hips only a number of hours ago.

Levi threw his hands up in defeat and Eren almost felt guilty – the sickening feeling stabbing him in the chest.

“Fucking have it your way, then.” He growled, stalking over to his neat pile of clothes and throwing his shirt and coat on. He turned back to see Eren swallowing pills using a half-empty glass of water from his desk. Levi’s eyes narrowed,

“Like I said, I won’t tell anyone. But you should really consider getting some form of help.”

He marched towards the door and Eren’s stomach contorted violently, wanting him to go and stay at the same time.

“You don’t get it at all, do you? By being like this, I’m happy! I have _everything_ I want!” He shouted, furious tears springing to his eyes instantly.

Levi turned back to look at him almost pitifully.

“Do you?”

And with that he was gone. No slammed doors, no stomping footsteps. He gently closed the door with an almost inaudible click and left Eren feeling more alone than he’d felt in a really long time.

Eren chugged two more tablets from his drawer and threw himself on his bed – curling up into a tiny ball and just wishing that he could stop _feeling._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh this chapter killed me. I hope the sex was okay, I really tried hard but ahhh....
> 
> After last chapter I got a little bit down trying to figure out where I want this story to go - but I think I've got it slightly more worked out now, so I'll get back on track! 
> 
> Those wanting to see Levi finally lose control and fall apart (me included yooo) I've decided to put it in the next chapter. 
> 
> Have a really good Christmas and a happy new year everyone - thank you so so so so so much for following my gay baby fanfiction 
> 
> (I am also half asleep as I post this so please forgive any mistakes I've missed and let me know so I can fix them)


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're fucking me up too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo, I hope you all had a wonderful New Year! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's a little angsty and a tiny bit all over the place - which I apologise for. It just didn't want to be written...
> 
> There's also a little bit of porn in this chapter, I'm sorry

It was nearing mid-December, and a bitter chill had settled around Sina. Coffee shops had already been playing Christmas Music since November and barely anyone was seen outside without gloves and a scarf. Sina University, being such an old building, was pretty chilly inside, so most students attended lectures bundled up in hats and coats. And Eren Jäger was currently wrapped in an ugly Christmas sweater, deeply asleep at his desk during a Psychology Theory lecture.

Marco looked over at him with concerned eyes before laying a hand on Jean’s arm. Jean glanced up and immediately understood the look in Marco’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’m worried about him too. He’s been so off recently. Always tired and tense. He almost snapped at Petra the other day, and she’s pretty much an angel.”

Jean sighed and Marco frowned, tracing his fingers up Jean’s forearm. He cast another glance over at the Eren’s silently sleeping form, barely concealed dark circles marring his skin.

“I just don’t get why he can’t talk to us about it though. He’s our best friend, you know?” Marco mumbled, his tone laced with worry. “And you know, on Monday, he looked like he was going to cry when Mikasa talked to him.”

Jean gave him a questioning look. He’d slept in on Monday and clearly missed this. Marco went on to clarify,

“She said that he didn’t have to explain anything to her, but she’d lend him some skin products and teach him to cover up his eye bags.”

Jean snorted despite the situation. Eren had done an absolute shit job of it, so either he was hopeless or Mikasa was a terrible teacher. Marco gave Jean a reproachful look and Jean laced their fingers together.

“I’m sorry,” He said, bashfully. “We’re all worried about Eren, but I guess all we can do is be there for him. I mean, he’s been irritable and angry recently – but he’s our friend and we accept that, right? We just have to be there to listen to him when he’s ready to talk.”

Marco squeezed his hand with a smile.

“If at all.”

Jean nodded,

“Yeah, if at all.”

Marco separated their hands, deliberately sliding his fingers gently over Jean’s palm. He smiled sweetly up at him, his heart warming at the display of one of the main reasons he loved Jean in the first place. Jean came off as arrogant and overbearing at times, but he was truly caring towards his friends. Marco sighed again,

“We should probably tell him about us, though.” He looked over at Eren, who was beginning to stir from his slumber – his face scrunching slightly as consciousness slowly came back to him. “Not right now, obviously. But soon.”

Jean hummed lowly in agreement, watching Eren’s eyes slowly open.

“Hey, welcome back to the land of the living.”

Jean tried to sound as carefree as possible, but he couldn’t help but feel worried about the way that as soon as Eren woke up, his eyebrows knitted together in a scowl – shooting a harsh glare at his surroundings. But the second that Jean spoke, and recognition seemed to click in Eren’s mind – his face was suddenly schooled into a more neutral expression, the anger completely washed from his eyes and replaced with Eren’s gaze.

Jean just couldn’t shake the feeling that a scowl seemed to suit Eren’s face more – as if it sat more naturally there.

 -- 

Eren woke up to his regular, won’t-fucking-disappear-no-matter-how-many-pills-I-take headache. His body was tense, his eyes were on fire and he was frothing with hate. He’d been in a constant state of emotional turmoil since that night a few weeks ago with Levi. There was just so _much_ flying around in his head continuously.

Obviously, there was the way Levi had seen all his notes plastered on his walls.

_He found me out._

_But you were the one who let him into your room; this is all your own fault._

_You can’t control him, you’re worthless._

_He thinks you’re insane._

_What if you are?_

The only thing giving him slight peace was Levi’s promise to not breathe a word to anyone – which he was apparently making good on, since nothing had changed.

Nothing had changed except Eren.

But even so, his paranoia had increased a thousand-fold. Yeah, Levi had said he wouldn’t tell anyone – but how far could he be trusted? What if he already had, what if everybody already _knew-_

That paranoia had bubbled over last week, when he’d seen Armin walking and chatting with Erwin Smith – a third year student who actually seemed to be _friends_ with Levi. The two closest people to Levi were Petra and Erwin. And Erwin was definitely the most dangerous of the two. Armin _couldn’t_ be talking to him. And secondly, Erwin wasn’t a part of their group. He’d never sat with them, Eren had never approved him. How _dare_ Armin hang out with someone else?

Eren’s hands were shaking as Armin caught sight of him and excused himself from Erwin with a wave. Armin approached him fondly, a huge book (as always) clutched in both of his hands.

“Hey Eren, how was-“ Eren didn’t let him finish – desperately trying to keep his tone even as he spoke.

“Why were you talking to Erwin Smith?”

There was a faint hint of a growl in his voice that he couldn’t control. Panic spiked even harder through his body. He used to be good at controlling himself – at controlling other people. Now his friends were leaving him, and he couldn’t even control his fucking _voice-_

Armin instantly started to look a little apprehensive,

“He was just giving me some tips on extra credit for the course…”

Eren’s left eye twitched and his skull pulsed with a headache.

“I don’t like him.” He said, irritably – hand coming up to massage his temple. “Don’t talk to him anymore.”

His tone was final, and Armin backed down immediately. Without question.

“A-ah…okay…I won’t…” Armin offered a nervous smile and warmth pooled throughout Eren’s body. Relief soothed the throbbing in his head, and he threw an arm around Armin’s lean shoulders. He tried to even his breathing out,

“I’m sorry if I came off aggressive, Armin.”

The blonde looked more bewildered than anything, but there was definitely uneasiness to the way he walked.

Eren forced his usual grin onto his face as they made a beeline for the café,

“I just really don’t want you getting involved with him.”

Armin smiled shyly and leaned into Eren’s touch – still not completely comprehending the situation, but never questioning.

“It’s okay, Eren, I trust you.”

And with that trust came total control.

But it still just didn’t feel like enough to Eren.

He wanted to monopolise their lives, he wanted to rule everyone.

But it was just Levi. Fucking Levi.

He just came into Eren’s life like a tornado – ripping everything apart and making Eren question himself.

He wanted to control Levi.

But he couldn’t.

But he can’t control _himself_ around Levi.

It was both terrifying, but also thrilling. Almost like some kind of emotional outlet. Eren was so caught up in his constant façade - his crippling need to manipulate other people. His obsession with keeping tabs on his friends and acting everyday was so stressful, so exhausting – and the only way he’d found so far to release the stress was to submit control to the shorter, dark-haired man.

But then that brought even more problems, because although it felt perfect, to not act around Levi, it also made Eren feel almost panic-inducingly vulnerable. Because he didn’t know what Levi was thinking. He had no clue.

Eren could be there submitting; relinquishing control and baring his true self to Levi – but the older male could just leave him. Like everyone else who’d ever known Eren’s true personality, he could just walk out and never look back. What if Levi was just playing with Eren, like he did with everyone else? What if Eren was just a game to him – especially since Levi was the only person in Sina who knew what he was really like…

 Who’d personally seen how messed up he was…

Just thinking about it made small bubbles of panic simmer in his stomach.

But then…so far, Levi hadn’t made any visible efforts to distance himself from Eren. They still made eye-contact in the halls, library and café. They exchanged pleasantries if they were in a social setting that called for it. But only Eren saw the way Levi’s eyes smouldered when he looked at him (but what did it _mean?_ ) and only Levi seemed to notice the haggard tone in Eren’s, even when he was putting his 100% into acting.

It also didn’t help that Eren couldn’t stop thinking about that night, either. Not the events of the morning after – but the actual night.

The way Levi had fucked into him like he truly deserved it, the way his head had dipped forward as he came apart above him, the way he’d praised him like no one ever had before.

The way he’d stayed when Eren had asked him to.

The hurricane of thoughts and feelings were infuriating. Eren, always needing a structured layout of his thoughts, had tried to clarify it to himself:

_‘I’m stressed and exhausted from all the manipulation and pretending. Submitting to Levi releases the tension, but I also fucking **hate** myself for letting myself be controlled and then **enjoying** it.”_

The same thought pattern swirled around and around in his head like a whirlpool, crashing against his skull. Eren had never felt so out of control of his own feelings before.

And he knew he was letting more and more of his true personality out by accident everyday – the constant anxiety putting a weight on his acting abilities. So far, his friends were still loyal and doting – but how long until they’d start to hate him?

Eren needed to get a grip.

He needed to go back to the basics and start writing lists everyday again. How to act, how to talk, how to think. He’d come too far to let it all go to waste because of Levi.

 

Eren followed Jean and Marco out of the lecture hall and down the corridor to the café, blearily blinking sleep out of his eyes. Just as it always was when they were together, Jean and Marco based the conversation around him – asking for his opinion and approval on different things. Eren slowly found himself getting back into the swing of things, remembering to laugh and smile when he needed to – fuelled by a sudden wave of motivation to get his shit together.

They spotted the other members of the group that had a free period next lounging around in their normal spot in the campus café – Connie, who had ditched Psychology Theory to study for a test he had later, was slumped over on the table looking thoroughly defeated.

“Connie, dude, that table is probably filthy!” Jean called in greeting, Eren and Marco sniggering behind him.

Sasha shushed them, stifling her own giggles,

“He’s been in the Study Bunker for the last 3 hours. I can almost see his soul trying to seep out through his ears.”

There was a low groan from Connie.

Jean pulled out the chair next to him with a loud screech that made the hunched over boy next to him tense up. Jean lay across Connie’s back, pushing the poor guy’s face further into the table surface.

“Maybe his soul’s been trying to escape out of his skull, and that’s why his bald head is so shiny?”

Everyone laughed and Connie brought a hand up to slap Jean in the face.

“Fuck you, man – there’s a difference between bald and buzz-cut!”

Marco went and sat down next to Sasha, gesturing for Eren to do the same.

Eren let a tired smile stretch across his face as he replied,

“I’m actually gonna go home and get some more rest before work tonight. I’m super tired…”

He noted the concerned looks on everyone’s faces with happiness. They were still his friends, even though he’d been accidentally showing them bits and pieces of his real personality recently. He could still save this.

Marco was the first one to speak, still sounding cheerful,

“Yeah, you get some more sleep – you look beat.”

Sasha beamed at him as she rummaged through her bag.

“I’ll take extra notes for you in Comms later today, so don’t worry about that.” She produced a mini tube of Sour Cream and Chive ( _God flavour_ ) flavour Pringles from her bag and tossed it over the table to Eren. He caught it with a grin, true joy settling in his stomach.

Sasha didn’t share her food with anyone except for Eren and Connie - and she was offering to take notes for him too. Eren suddenly felt a lot more optimistic.

A smile lit up his face; a true one.

“Thank you so much, Sasha.” He regarded everyone else,

“And the rest of you – I’m sorry I’ve been so angry recently…”

He was greeted by a bunch of smiles in return; even Connie lifted his head from the table to grin sleepily at him,

“Don’t worry about it, Eren. We’re your friends - we’ll stand by you even if you’re angry _all_ the time.”

“You’re actually kinda cute when you’re angry!”

Everyone looked at Sasha.

“Well, he is…” She added, sulking.

Eren laughed and thanked them again – although seriously doubting their sincerity. _No one_ would like him if he acted like himself all the time.

As he walked away with a wave, he noticed Levi and Erwin walking in the direction of the queue for breakfast – very briefly making eye-contact with Levi. Eren exited the cafeteria and made towards the skyrail station – already mentally writing his list for the next day.

Next time he saw Levi, he was going to give him the biggest grin he could muster – and show him that nothing he could do was going to throw him off. He wasn’t going to be beaten.

 

Eren got home, wrote his To-Do and To-Say lists for the next day ( _Apologise for being so irritable recently to everyone individually – pay attention to body language, make sure Armin hasn’t been talking to Erwin again, buy him that new book he wanted to keep him loyal-_ ) and set his alarm to wake him up in time for work.

He drifted off to the dull throbbing beat of his headache.

 

* * *

  

Eren trudged into the café the next afternoon after his Sociology class, dragging a trail of snow behind him. It had started as a lovely, light dusting of white on the pavements around about the time he’d left work the previous night – but come morning it was full-on blizzarding it up outside. Eren’s dorm building was pitifully bad at conserving heat, and his shoes also leaked. December, Eren decided, fucking sucked.

Only Mikasa and Connie were sat in the usual spot – which was odd for a Thursday. Eren slid into a vacant chair and shivered as the cold plastic came into contact with his ass.

“Jesus dicking Christ, it is freezing.” He exclaimed, by way of greeting.

Mikasa grumbled in agreement, her scarf pulled right up to her nose. Armin, hunched over a Physics textbook, chuckled lightly and offered to buy Eren some tea. Eren’s head shot up,

“Oh Fuck, Armin, are you Jesus?” He regarded him with worshipping eyes. “Like, is this real life?”

Armin grabbed his wallet and stood up,

“Earl Grey?”

Eren nodded violently.

“It must be scalding, blondie, I shit you not. I need this tea to give my throat second degree burns.” Armin laughed again and excused himself just as Connie and Sasha entered the room – brushing snow from their shoulders. They both dumped their bags at the table before making a beeline for the food queue – Sasha declaring that she needed a jacket potato before she clawed somebody’s face off.

Needless to say, the snow was not welcome in Sina. Fuck snowball fights and snowmen. Fuck all of that and everything related to it, Eren just wanted to be warm again.

But something niggled at the back of his mind. Everyone was here now, but Jean and Marco weren’t. Eren knew for a fact that they had a free period now – this was normally the day they went to Starbucks to go over Psychology notes. Admittedly, Eren had been quite distant the last month or so, with first of all the studying of Sexual Manipulation – when he’d holed himself in his room for ages, almost ignoring his group completely. And now, more recently the stress and anxiety from the Levi escapade had made him incredibly volatile, and sick. The constant headaches forced him to skip class, or go home early – and made him generally irritable.

Had he neglected them so much that they didn’t care about him anymore?

No, yesterday they’d been so understanding – accepting his apology when he’d offered it.

But what if, what if, _what if-_

Maybe they were just busy with each other – they were long-time best friends after all…

But _Eren_ should be more important than whatever it was they were doing; _Eren_ should come first, _Eren, Eren, Eren –_

Where were they, what were they doing?

Armin came back with his Earl Grey, but Eren didn’t notice it at first – a sudden rush of panic flooding over him out of the blue.

_Where were they?_

“Thanks Armin.”

_Why weren’t they here?_

“Eren, are you okay? Your hands are shaking…”

_Where? Why?_

Eren looked up instantly,

“Where are Jean and Marco?”

Everyone looked at each other. Clearly no one knew. So it wasn’t anything personal towards Eren – the two were probably just chilling out at home or something. But the out of the blue break in routine troubled Eren more than he liked to admit. He was allowed to cancel if he wanted to – but how _dare_ anyone else ever do it to him?

How dare they be better friends to each other than they were to Eren? Eren should be number one in everyone’s life _goddammit._

The tea scalded on the way down, his tongue prickling for a while afterwards but Eren barely noticed. He switched to autopilot – forcing himself to joke and laugh with his friends like he’d written on his list. Act like normal.

Soon enough, the bell signalling the end of free period sounded and Eren and Armin, being the only members of the group with class next, reached for their bags. Waving goodbye to everyone else, the two strolled towards the north exit, thankful that both their next classes were in the same building so they didn’t need to make an expedition outside into the snow again.

“Thanks again for the tea, Armin – it really thawed me out.” Eren said, grinning at the blonde as they approached Armin’s classroom.

“And I’m really sorry about how irritable I’ve been recently. I’ve been kinda out of it…” He sheepishly brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head.

Armin placed a warm hand on his shoulder and smiled sweetly at him.

“Don’t worry about it – just focus on working out whatever it is that’s been so stressful for you, I’m always here if you want to talk, okay?”

They stopped outside his classroom door and Eren beamed at him. This kid was perfect.

“Thanks. Enjoy your wonderful math-based physics.” He made a wretching face as Armin rolled his eyes and disappeared through the door.

Eren made a note to cross Armin off of his “personal apologies” list and carried on walking towards where his next lecture was located. He spotted a familiar figure at the end of the corridor walking towards him.

Levi.

Eren’s guts twisted.

They were almost alone in the corridor, only a few stragglers milling around them. Although they’d made contact in a group – they hadn’t been alone together since that night. Eren felt his heartbeat speed up to a ridiculous rate and tried to force down the excitement rising up inside of him.

He took a deep breath.

‘Give him the biggest smile you can manage.’ Eren thought to himself. ‘It doesn’t matter if he sees straight through it – I need to show him that I’m not beaten yet.’

They got closer and closer – Eren could already see the calculating look playing across the man’s handsome features, amused glint lighting up his eyes. 

Eren made his lips twist into a grin, forcing it onto his face as they made proper eye contact.

The sudden change in Levi’s demeanour as he saw it was rapid and phenomenal - and Eren felt triumph bubble up inside him. Levi stopped dead in his tracks and glared murder at him as Eren brushed right past. He swore he saw something snap inside of Levi; it filled him with parts of dread, guilt and accomplishment. This meant he won, right? This weird acting game they were playing. Eren felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as he continued down the corridor. What even was Levi’s deal with him anyway?

He didn’t hear the rapid footsteps closing in on him from behind.

He only felt an iron grip clamp around his wrist as Levi caught back up with him – surging down the corridor and straight past Eren’s lecture hall, dragging Eren with him.

Eren struggled. Both to free his wrist from the pale fingers and to keep up with the speed Levi was dragging him along with. How could someone so short even move so fast? Why was he so strong? _Where was he taking him?_

“What the fuck are you doing, Levi – let go of me!”

There was barely anyone in the halls Levi was pulling him down, but the people who were still loitering stared at the two. Confusion and panic raced around Eren’s head as he was pulled up a flight of stairs by Levi’s death hold on his wrist.

Eren had never been in this part of the building, his harsh whispers (he didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself) of “where the fuck are you taking me?” falling on completely deaf ears. He could barely make out the crazed look in the shorter man’s eyes as he steamed around another corner and threw open the door to an ‘Out of Order’ bathroom.

Eren stumbled in after him, head spinning.

Even though the bathroom was supposed to be disused, there were still a trio of students in there  - evidently using it as a place to get baked.

Levi snarled at them, breathing heavily.

“Out.”

He barked the command out through gritted teeth, keeping Eren in place as the students scurried out of the bathroom then yanking him inside and slamming the door shut.

Eren backed up against the now-bolted door, Levi rounding on him with his eyes aflame.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you, brat?” The words were spat out from Levi’s thin lips like poison, awakening fresh anger inside Eren’s body. Levi ranted on,

“I can’t believe I was fucking _worried_ about you. This is ridiculous, I can’t even fucking-“ Levi ran a hand through his hair, messing it up completely – the dishevelled look completely uncharacteristic of him. His eyes were wild, his hands were shaking-

“-and then you go and pull that kind of shit with me, you pompous little _fuck_ -“

It was Eren’s turn to snarl at him. He let the anger pour into his veins – furious yet relieved. Free in his rage.

“What are you talking about!?” Eren took a menacing step towards Levi, who was looking more and more messed up by the second. “All I’m doing is trying to get back to normal – why the fuck are you trying to ruin that? Is playing with my life really that fun for you? What is your _problem_!?“ Eren slammed his closed fist into the dilapidated bathroom stall to his side, a satisfying wooden crunch greeting him. Levi jumped slightly at the sudden noise and a crazed smirk twisted at his lips, making him look like a madman.

Eren gulped and backed down slightly; the wild look in Levi’s eyes making him feel very, very nervous.

Levi’s voice was shaky when he spoke.

“So you’ll let it all out here and now then, huh?”

Eren’s confusion showed clearly on his face and Levi let out a short breathy chuckle. He looked laughably out of control; and yet Eren was just plain bewildered.

Levi took a step toward him, one of his palms coming up to press hard against his forehead.

“You’ll show me your real self here, when I back you into a corner? After practically ignoring my existence for the past two weeks?”

Another step closer, and Eren was beginning to feel incredibly apprehensive - nervousness and excitement making his skin tingle. Levi moved closer still, and looked up at him with wild glint in his stormy grey eyes. Eren gulped and Levi continued; voice ragged.

“After pretending none of _that_ happened.”

Eren’s face instantaneously heated up at the memory and Levi’s smirk widened.

“See? Your body’s being so honest now.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed dangerously,

“Shut your damn mouth. I can't believe that out of all the people in the university to be able to see through me – it had to be _you_.” The words were growled out and hung in the air between them.

Without warning, a pale hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of Eren’s hair, wrenching his head down – pushing his whole body towards the ground.

Levi’s voice came from above him, quiet and almost delicate.

“You really have no idea what you do to me.”

His tone was dangerous.

Eren’s knees hit the floor and Levi’s boot-clad foot came up to rest menacingly on his denim covered crotch. Green eyes widened in a split second and his breath left his body in a sudden rush.

Levi’s voice cracked above him,

“You’re fucking me up…”

Eren raised his eyes from his submissive position to meet the untamed gaze from Levi’s. For the first time ever, he could see the emotions racing unbidden through the steely orbs. Eren unconsciously licked his lips and felt his heartbeat quicken – hearing it pulse in his ears. The wrecked tone in Levi’s voice coupled with the position he was in was doing humiliatingly dirty things to his body.

And judging by the growing bulge in Levi’s tight black jeans, he was having the same problem.

Or had Levi been feeling like this all along, from the second his eyes took that mad glint?

Eren didn’t have time to ponder on it, because Levi was thrusting the rough denim in his face – grazing his lips and nose against his clothed erection. Eren didn’t even think as he let himself mouth at it hungrily, embracing fully the broken whimper he heard from above him.

Levi’s free hand came down to unbuckle his belt and Eren raised his hands up to help with the button and the zipper. Any control Eren had felt he’d gained due to the wrecked tone of the noise Levi had let slip was quickly torn away from him as the dark haired male tightened his grip in Eren’s hair and yanked him forward.

Eren barely had time to wet his lips before Levi's cock was shoved into his mouth and he choked ungracefully. Above him, Levi breathed out a shaky _‘fuck…’_ – desperation saturating the word; letting Eren know he still _slightly_ had the upper hand of the situation.

Levi dragged his head back and forward along his length, thrusting shallowly in and out of Eren’s hot mouth – fucking his face. Eren’s hands scrabbled for purchase on Levi’s sharp hipbones as he gagged – tears leaking out from the corners of his eyes to streak down his face.

It was filthy. The way the harsh bite of pale fingers gripped his hair and kept him in place so Levi could slide more in, could fuck his mouth with ease.

The way spit ran down Eren’s chin, his eyes shut tight, desperately fighting down his gag reflex.

_“Eren-“_

Levi’s voice was wrecked. Dirty. He was completely out of character – completely out of control. Almost acting like a whiny child, whimpering for more; spoiled and greedy as he rolled his hips into Eren’s mouth. Eren cracked one eye open to look up at him, eyes glazed and begging.

“O-oh Eren, you take my dick so well…” Levi gasped out, Eren hearing him stutter for the first time ever – taking in shallow, uncontrolled breaths. The praise shot straight to Eren’s cock; making him moan, wanton, around Levi’s girth.  

Levi was a sight to behold: all wild eyes and tussled hair, light pink flush dusting his cheeks.

“I can’t…oh _fuck-_ “

Eren let his mouth be used, trying his hardest to relax his throat – drinking in the sound of Levi mewling with desire, haphazard sentences tumbling from his lips.

“Eren, I need…”

“Just let me…”

“Oh _god…_ ”

Levi’s hips started moving more frantically – fucking Eren’s face with urgency. Eren knew he had to be close, especially with the way Levi’s thighs had started trembling.

He used his tongue to massage the underside of Levi’s cock as his head was kept in place by the hand in his hair – his lips feeling raw and abused by the constant friction. His heart going a mile a minute, his own dick throbbing under Levi's boot in the confines of his pants.

The short male was breaking down so beautifully above him, totally coming apart in a way that Eren had never seen before. And it was _Eren_ that was making him this way. So Levi really _did_ like it when Eren lost control – but who’d have thought he would end up losing all of his control too?

They were just fucked up and lost together.

A series of choked, broken moans slipped from Levi’s mouth – a few of them vaguely resembling Eren’s name – and Eren knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

So it came as a huge shock when Levi suddenly yanked Eren off of his dick by the hair and held him still as he wrapped his own hand around his length.

It was obvious what was coming next and although Eren was _trembling_ with arousal…did he really want _that_?

“L-Levi…please…” He started apprehensively, but Levi was too far gone. There was barely any rationality left in him to reason with; a quick, gasping “Come on, brat – you’re a good boy. You can take this…” leaving Levi’s swollen lips.

Eren’s head was swimming; the pain from his head, the burning tingle in his lips and the fucking craziness of the situation was killing him. What was Levi doing to him, this was _insane-_

There was an abrupt, desperate sob from above him and Levi was coming in thick ribbons of white across his face.

He was whimpering, sobbing, choking out praises as he milked the last of the juice from himself – dragging the last pearls across Eren’s puffy bottom lip, following the lewd streak with lust-blown eyes.

He staggered backwards, panting.

“You have no idea what you do to me…” He repeated, his voice ragged.

Eren felt the stickiness drip down the sides of his face. It was _hot_ , but uncomfortable, but _he was a good boy, he could take it_. His voice came out wrecked, his throat cracking when he forced the words out.

“You’re fucking me up, too…”

Levi growled and ran his hand through his hair again – looking well and truly debauched.

“Fuck.” He growled. “Fuck, fuck, fuck-“

He tucked himself back into his underwear and jeans, and marched forward on shaky legs; pushing Eren out of the way with the toe of his boot like he was nothing.

“Fuck, Eren, I’m…” He brought his hand up to cover his face as he turned away to the door.

“ _Shit.”_

‘He’s going to leave.’ Eren realised. ‘He’s going to leave me like this.’

After all that, after both of them had seen each other completely lose control, Levi was going to run away.

It was kind of like how Eren had pushed Levi away after he’d found him out before. When Levi had seen a side of Eren that he didn’t want to be seen. This situation was almost exactly the same.

Eren guessed that the one thing Levi was sure he could never be shaken in was sex. And here he was.

But even so…

‘I guess Levi’s leaving me too then.’

He wasn’t wrong.

Levi took the final step towards the door and opened it just enough to slip out – throwing one last guilt-wracked glance to Eren, soiled on the floor.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be happiness in the next chapter, I swear. 
> 
> But yeah, this chapter was a little haphazard, but I'm trying my best to get back on track with the next chapter. And please tell me if you think I use italics too much... 
> 
> Also another quick "wow, thank you all so so much for the amazingly lovely comments and kudos" because I'm still astounded that people are enjoying this and I literally break out into the happiest grin whenever I check my emails and there's an AO3 kudos/comment message chillin' out there.
> 
> Shameless self promo:  
> my tumblr is trickfantasy - if anyone wants to hit me up  
> ALSO friggin' hit me up on snapchat - because i think it's hella rad and send a lot of snk/randomfandom/alpacas/mydog snaps so if you don't think it'd be too weird my username is ksaralpaca (o´ω｀o)


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eren knew he was messed up, but it was really nice to feel like they were messed up together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow, the amount of people reading porn in class is wonderful. Like, I'm impressed. I'm not even mad, that's amazing. You guys are hardcore.
> 
> As always, if you spot any mistakes, drop me a message. 
> 
> And again, as always, thank you all so so much for the comments and Kudos. And especially you cuties who've been with me since the first chapter: I really love you.
> 
> I promised a little bit of happiness, so here we go.

It was Christmas break.

The snow was a foot deep in some areas, and the icy wind lashed unforgivingly at any and all exposed skin. Also, everyone had quickly learnt that Armin’s nose turned bright red when he was cold, and that it was the most adorable thing anyone had ever seen – much to Armin’s embarrassment.

Connie and Sasha had gone back to their respective homes for the winter break, and Armin had stayed until the day before Christmas Eve. He’d actually asked Eren if it was _okay_ for him to go home, since Eren was going to be staying on campus the whole time. Uncontrollable joy had blossomed in Eren’s chest, and he’d given a winning smile to the blonde boy as he told him it was ‘fine – don’t worry, go see your family.’ Mikasa, who was the most attached to Eren, had announced that she wasn’t going to be going home at all.

Eren had asked her with wide, hopeful eyes if she was sure; if she really didn’t mind keeping him company over the winter break – if she was really okay with _putting Eren before her own family._

She’d nodded, and suggested they order pizza and watch Frozen.

Jean and Marco were staying on campus for Christmas too, but they may as well have gone home because Eren had barely fucking seen them. Every time he thought about it, tendrils of panic crept up his chest – leaving a revolting feeling in his throat. They were drifting away from the group, and paying less and less attention to Eren. Sure, if Eren called them or invited them somewhere there were no questions asked – but that wasn’t the point. They were supposed to chase him, to be reliant on him. But they were just so close to _each other;_ and it made Eren sick to his stomach.

He’d been getting more and more tense, barking “Where the fuck are Jean and Marco?” at Mikasa – worrying himself to furious tears at the thought of yet another person leaving him. His head constantly pounded.

And then also, for all Eren knew, Levi had gone home for the holidays too – because the short, undercut-wearing male was nowhere to be seen after the “incident,” as Eren had taken to calling it.

The incident that had left him broken, alone and debauched on the floor of a disused bathroom – the nauseating feeling of abandonment in his heart and semen dripping down his face posing as the only evidence that Levi had even been there.

It was ridiculous, the way Levi had gotten to Eren – was _getting_ to Eren. His mind was a whirlwind and the walls of his bedroom were barely visible through the amount of lists plastered to them.

“Things to do to get over Levi.”

“Things to take my mind off of Levi.”

“Ways to prepare for a possible chance meeting with Levi.”

Eren had shown his true self to someone, and they’d left him. Again.  Just like his family had.

While the hurt was crippling and lingering, it did slightly serve as a point of motivation. It reminded Eren that he couldn’t afford to slip up on his act. He couldn’t let people in; he had to keep putting ten thousand percent effort into this act – into manipulating people. Conceal. Don’t feel. Don’t let it show.

But then…Even so…

‘I just want to see Levi again so much that it hurts…’

Eren sighed as he got out of the shower on a windy, grey Christmas Eve morning. He didn’t even bother checking his reflection in the mirror – knowing full well that the dark circles under his eyes were definitely still there.

For once in his life, he didn’t understand his own feelings. He was a mess. Normally his thoughts were so structured; orderly – like his lists. How could one person come along and throw him off so suddenly?

Eren towelled his hair dry and pulled a thermal vest over his head, followed by a t-shirt and then a hoodie. Fucking winter.

Levi was the one person who understood Eren the most, who Eren almost felt like he could open up to. They were similar. But in the end, Levi had just used him and thrown him away, like he did with everyone else.

‘The first time we properly talked – at Ymir’s party…He even _told_ me that he got rid of people when he was done with them. I should have expected this; I should’ve seen it coming. How could I let myself be hurt so badly?’

But if Levi was only out to fuck him and then discard him, why did he stay after they had sex the first time? Why did he hold him in bed as though he gave a damn? Why did he try to help him, when he saw his lists?

And _Levi_ was the one who dragged him to that bathroom with an uncontrollable madness in his eyes; _Levi_ was the one who had sobbed, wrecked, above him as he’d fucked Eren’s mouth.

Eren shoved his feet into his slippers and exited the bathroom to pad across the hallway back to his room.

He was fucked up.

* * *

 

 

 Outside was dark, soggy, chilly and disgusting - the Christmas lights adorning most shops on the high-street just looking unnecessarily gaudy in comparison. Eren trudged down the salted path as quickly as he could, bundled up in a coat, hat and a scarf – on his way to buy a last minute present for Mikasa.

The plan was that everyone left behind (Eren, Jean, Marco, Mikasa and Ymir) were all going to hang out at Jean and Marco’s apartment, probably get wasted and watch hideous Christmas movies. Eren was already on edge about seeing Jean and Marco – ways he could put them back under his control running through his mind, tailed by terrifying “what if’s.”

What if they already hated him?

What if they don’t need him anymore?

Eren shook his head to try and rid himself of the thoughts and walked a little bit faster. He had about four hours to kill, but who knew how long it would take to buy a decent present? Especially the day before Christmas – there probably wouldn’t be much in stores at all.

He was lucky in the way that there were barely any other people around. He really didn’t feel like putting on his full act today.

A gust of icy wind attacked the exposed parts of his face, and Eren decided maybe he’d get some hot tea from an approaching café to aid him on his quest. The wind bit at his skin again and he sped up even more, eager to get out of the cold.

Eren’s mittened hand reached out for the door handle to the small coffee shop, and pulled it open just as someone was pushing it from the inside. The person stumbled out and bumped into Eren slightly, and that was when Eren looked down to peer into wide, steely grey eyes.

All the breath in his lungs left him in a heartbeat and the world skidded to a halt.

“L-Levi…”

Levi stared back up at him, surprise evident on his face.

Heart pounding in his ears, Eren jumped back – putting a foot’s worth of distance between the two of them.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,’ Eren’s thoughts chanted like a mantra. He desperately tried to remember back to his lists, he’d _prepared_ for this – come _on_ ,

He darted to the side to give Levi room to leave, his pulse racing so fast he felt faint. His voice came out weak; breathless.

“Sorry…” _Smooth as fuck._

He looked at the ground, waiting for Levi to walk past him, his fingers trembling slightly inside his mittens.

Eren heard a sharp exhale of breath from Levi, the sound almost making him flinch.

“Come inside and sit down.”

Levi’s voice was just as dark and rich as he remembered it – commanding and leaving no room for argument.

Eren’s feet felt like lead, but his body felt like it was on fire with Levi’s gaze boring into him. He somehow ordered his legs to move as directed and soon found himself in a pleasantly warm café. The layers he was wearing combined with the tense atmosphere between him and Levi had him sweating instantly; his body hypersensitive. By the time Levi had manoeuvred him into a chair near to the back of the café, Eren was sure that the air around him had magically turned to soup. He was hot, heavy and very, very nervous.

“What do you want to drink?”

Eren’s thoughts were a beehive of confusion, and he barely registered whispering his answer of “Peppermint tea” – his words directed down at the table instead of the other man.

Levi’s footsteps drifted away as he moved towards the counter, presumably to order. And Eren’s head was swimming. His hands shook as he unfastened his coat and slipped it off his shoulders, pulling off his mittens and resting them atop each other on the wooden table top.

What was going on? What could Levi possibly want from him this time?

Hadn’t he been tortured enough?

‘But…he’s talking to me. He’s noticing me…’

A small warmth spread through his chest.

‘He’s looking at me like a normal human being…’

Eren couldn’t stifle the unwelcome happiness, but anxiousness ate at his insides. He didn’t notice Levi approaching until a cup and saucer were (surprisingly) gently placed down in front of him – shocking him out of his mile-a-minute thoughts and hurling his full attention back to the man sitting down in the chair opposite him.

Levi looked uncomfortable. Small.

He scratched at his arm for a brief moment and gestured to Eren’s tea.

“Drink.”

His voice was startlingly soft, the low quality ghosting over Eren’s senses. Eren felt pathetic as his shaky fingers curled around the handle of the cup; and he can’t even make eye-contact with him.

The air was thick with tension, a knot twisting firmly in Eren’s stomach as he sipped the scalding tea.

“Thank you…” He murmured, cursing how clammy his hands were. Cursing how difficult it was to breathe with Levi’s gaze trained on him.

Eren’s eyes chanced a quick flicker up to Levi’s face and then back down to his tea. The older man seemed pensive, and Eren struggled not to melt internally.

It seemed like a decade before Levi spoke.

“Brat- _Eren._ ” He corrected himself. “I’m…sorry…about the other day…”

They made eye contact, and a sudden bolt of anticipation shot through Eren’s body so fiercely that he had to tear his eyes away again instantly.

“I…” Levi’s throat clicked. The silence was almost physically painful to Eren.

He waited.

“It was…wrong…of me… to do that. To you, I mean…”

The words hung, suspended in the air, Eren’s mind processing them and then processing them again. His heart leapt and he risked another fleeting glance up to Levi’s face.

Levi began to speak again, voice slightly steadier.

“It was a bit…morally grey…consent-wise…”

He scratched at his arm again.

“And I’m also sorry about the…uh…” Eren looked up to see Levi vaguely gesturing to his face. “You know…” He continued quietly. _Coming on your face_ , he meant.

Erens breath caught in his throat, cheeks turning beet red and all of a sudden feeling so much dizzier.

He didn’t trust his voice, but he replied anyway,

“That was…”

He cleared his throat and tried again.

“I mean…it wasn’t…”

Levi waited patiently as Eren squirmed slightly in his chair.

“I didn’t… _mind_ …it…” The words were almost whispered, and Eren’s face felt like molten lava.

There. He’d said it. It was out in the open now.

Eren timidly looked up to see Levi regarding him incredulously.

Then suddenly, Levi let out a short, breathy laugh that sounded half amused and half relieved; and Eren’s heart fluttered pathetically at the sound. It was probably more a release of tension than anything else, but Eren meekly offered his own nervous smile and took another sip from his tea.

“Eren, I…”

Eren felt his breath hitch as Levi’s eyes sought out his own.

“I don’t really understand it myself but…I just…felt so out of control.” He murmured “Scarily out of control. It was…haphazard. Like I was… _messy_ …” 

Eren nodded into his teacup, pulse rate still dangerously high, and his head feeling both too light and too heavy on his shoulders at the same time.

Levi continued, voice low but brittle,

“And I think I felt like…the only way I could feel cleaner…” He trailed off, uncomfortably, “…better about myself, was to make you dirty too.”

Eren battled with what to say; the knot in his stomach tightening and his fingers clenching and unclenching anxiously around his teacup.

“It’s…it’s okay.”

They kept eye-contact for a long moment.

“It’s okay.” Eren repeated himself, more because he wanted to say _something_ , but he wasn’t sure what just yet.

Levi brought a hand up to cover his face with a groan, and Eren wondered immediately what he said wrong.

“No, you don’t get it.” Levi growled, “It fucks me up. You’re fucking me up. I really don’t get what’s happening with us…”

Eren could feel his heart thumping in his chest, remembering how he’d thought the exact same things to himself before.

“It’s okay, Levi.” Eren inwardly cringed at his inability to say anything else. “I really don’t understand either but…”

Eren chewed on his lip, seriously debating on how to go about saying what he really wanted to say. What he was almost too scared to admit to himself.

He took a deep breath,

“I think I like being around you…”

The words came out in a rush and Levi’s brow furrowed as they registered. Eren tried to surreptitiously wipe his sweaty hands on his jeans under the table as he searched Levi’s face for signs of disgust or rejection.

Levi’s eyes flickered away to the wall briefly before training themselves back on Eren’s face – and then offering up a hesitant smile. The first of its kind that Eren had ever seen on the shorter male’s face.

“Maybe…” Eren glanced up hopefully, forgetting to breathe completely. Levi continued, looking like he was choosing his words carefully, “I wouldn’t mind…being around you too.”

A relieved grin blossomed onto Eren’s face, but Levi cut him off before he could say anything.

“But Eren,” He began, sternly. “I might hurt you. I…I think I _want_ to hurt you.” Levi looked away again.

“I’ve never been so out of control of myself before… And when I look at you, I’m in this conflict. I want to ruin you, I want to fuck you - I just want to wreck you like you’re wrecking me…”

The words slice into Eren as though they were literal knives. Levi lets out a noise that sounds like a sigh and a groan, and brings his eyes back to meet Eren’s gaze.

“But you also make me feel…real. I think…”

Eren tried to remember how to breathe again, taking a long, cooling inhale through his nose.

He began softly, choosing his words with precision;

“I don’t think I’d mind… You know, if you hurt me.” Eren looked down at where his fingers were fiddling with the intricate handle of the teacup. “I think…”

He raised his chin and looked Levi dead in the eyes, gut twisting and butterflies (if you could call them that) fluttering around in his stomach.

“I think I’d like it...”

More confidence entered his tone,

“I think I want you to.”

Levi’s eyes bore into Eren’s before flicking down to his lips and back up again. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and groaned again – loudly.

“Fuck, brat, this really isn’t healthy.”

Eren let out a short laugh at that, tension leaving his body somewhat.

“What part of any of this is? We’re both pretty messed up.”

And with that, Levi’s signature smirk was back, teasing at the corners of his thin lips.

“Speak for yourself, you fucking loser.”

Eren barked with laughter again, his whole being feeling considerably lighter.

“Nah man, you’re a royal mess.”

“Says the bitch who just admitted he likes getting jizzed in the face.”

Eren had just gone to take a sip of his tea, but he choked, spluttered and spat it back out again. Levi wrinkled his nose,

“Gross.” There was barely any bite to the word, but the grimace twisting his Levi’s face was real. His jaw tightened.

“This is fucking insane, we barely even know each other.”

He was right. Eren didn’t know anything about Levi – aside from that Levi sexually manipulated the people around him, was adamant that everyone should make their beds in the mornings and fucked like the devil. But Eren also knew that with Levi, he felt real. They’d only been talking civilly for about fifteen minutes, but they were the definitely the most genuine fifteen minutes since he’d come to Sina.

For the first time ever, Eren felt like a normal human being.

But clearly Levi was still uncomfortable. He was probably a lot more out of his comfort zone than Eren was, not being in complete control of the situation. Whereas Eren had been trying to come to terms with the fact that while he couldn’t control Levi, or control himself around Levi, it might not necessarily be a completely bad thing.

Maybe Levi was still scared.

He’d said that he wanted to hurt Eren. It could be as a form of revenge – for ripping control away from him. Or as a way to feel like he had power over Eren. Either way, this situation was clearly a lot more troubling to him.

“What’s your favourite colour?” Said Eren softly, watching Levi’s face pinch in confusion.

“Brat, I don’t see how-“

Eren cut him off,

“Mine is green. Now you know something about me. Now what’s your favourite colour?”

Levi seemed to catch on and give in, his head turning slightly sideways so he could offer his answer more to the wall than to Eren.

“Mine is green too…”

Eren grinned. A _real_ smile.

“What are you studying?”

He wasn’t drawing on any of his lists on conversation topics or relationship-building. He truly wanted to know. He didn’t feel awkward or forced, asking all these questions. This was all coming naturally to him, for the _first time in forever_.

“Criminology.”

“I’m studying Psychology.” A smirk from Levi.

“Figures.”

Eren stuck out his tongue playfully.

And so it went, back and forth. Eren learnt that Levi preferred Tea to Coffee, he didn’t really enjoy drinking alcohol and that he’d given up smoking four months ago. There was only a slight tension between them, and sometimes Levi’s gaze flickered from Eren’s eyes down to his lips and back up again.

Levi’s favourite food was Lasagne.

There was still a tinge of hostility in the way Levi’s shoulders were tensed, but he was slowly loosening up and leaning forward to rest his elbows on the desk as Eren talked.

Levi loved the snow when it had just fallen, but hated it straight after.

Occasionally Levi’s jaw would clench or his eye would twitch, but Eren pretended not to notice. Eren would never in a million years have thought that this kind of situation with him and Levi would be possible.

Levi really enjoyed reading Sci-fi novels.

Eren still felt a little uneasy with the way he wasn’t bothering to filter his words or emotions at all, just letting everything out naturally. His heart rate still hadn’t returned to normal.

But it was _okay._

Eren was gently taking control of the situation, and Levi wasn’t flipping out.

“When’s your birthday?”

“…Tomorrow.”

“What!?”

Levi sighed and looked away, nodding.

“You’re a Christmas baby.” Eren said. It wasn’t a question. Levi grimaced.

“Yeah...”

Eren left it alone for the moment, but his mind was already made up that when he went to buy Mikasa’s present, he’d get something for Levi too.

The two sat chatting for a while before Eren had to excuse himself – he did have plans after all. Eren caught Levi glowering at the sliver of skin made visible on his stomach as his hoodie rode up when he slipped his arms into his coat sleeves.

Elation that he could make someone want him so much bubbled up inside him, but it was dampened slightly by the fact that it was probably more that Levi wanted to _fuck him into submission_ rather than just because he thought he was cute. Sex was a weapon for Levi.

Eren held the door open as Levi walked out and then after bidding him goodbye and Happy Birthmas (Levi kicked him in the shin for use of the word) he walked in the direction of the mall, feeling the most normal than he’d ever felt before.

 --

The mall was packed with people clearly doing the same last-minute panic buying as Eren was. He weaved in and out of the shoppers, trying to find something decent to give to Mikasa. He thought about maybe getting her some hair accessories as a kind of incentive to keep her hair short and keep Jean’s feelings dead.

‘But Jean is clearly more interested in Marco than anyone else,’ Eren thought to himself, fists clenching. Maybe Marco had acted as Jean’s shoulder to cry on while he was pining over Mikasa, and that was why they seemed so much closer? But honestly, Eren was the one who had provided so much support when Jean was whinging and whining like a goddamn kicked puppy – so why the fuck were they leaving him? What had he done wrong?

Eren shook his head of the thoughts and told himself to concentrate. Present. Mikasa. He wondered in and out of the stores that were still open, on the lookout for anything good. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a sports equipment store and figured maybe he’d buy her some pads or something.

He had no idea whatsoever what was what in the store, and really didn’t feel like actually making personal human contact by asking a clerk – so grabbing his smartphone from his pocket, he googled the top products and ended up leaving the section with a pair of boxing gloves. To top it off, Eren got a small hand-towel embroidered with Mikasa’s name. The tips he got from working at the diner always made sure that he wasn’t a completely broke college student.

Passing by a bookstore on the way to the exit, Eren remembered Levi’s love for Sci-Fi and backtracked so he could go in and look around. This was a store that he’d been in before to buy Armin an apology present for being so snappy with him before.

The power of Google was utilised again in order to find out which book was the most recent with the best reviews, and Eren found himself hoping to God that Levi hadn’t already made someone buy it for him. The shopping bags made his fingers feel even number as he trudged back to the Uni halls.

 --

Jean and Marco’s apartment had an incredibly jolly-looking blow up Santa doll somehow nailed to their door like some kind of sacrificial pillar. Someone (probably Connie) had drawn a dick on its forehead. Eren found it a little bit scary, but it couldn’t have compared to how horrible the curdling feeling in his stomach was when Jean and Marco answered the door together; arms around each other. They didn’t let go of one another when they leaned forward to pull Eren into a (manly as fuck) three-way hug and into the apartment. Mikasa was already there as she’d been helping Marco cook, and Ymir was apparently bringing her girlfriend and would be along later.

The tinsel and glitter fairy had clearly vomited violently all over the furniture and floor of the living room – the sparkles blinding Eren from every possible surface. Mikasa was wearing a fluffy Santa hat, and was looking admittedly adorable with giant oven-mitts on her hands. She gave a rare smile when Eren approached her and hugged him happy Christmas.

“The food’ll be out in a few minutes, go sit in the living room with Jean.” She ordered.

Eren dreaded going back into the glitter cave, but dragged himself in there anyway. Jean was sat on the couch, various Christmas DVDs in his hands. Eren made his way to the arm of the couch and flopped backwards over it, his head landing squarely in Jean’s lap.

“I’m fucking hungry.” Grumbled Eren. Jean placed The Nightmare Before Christmas down on Eren’s face and ordered him not to move. Eren found himself smiling, the action obscured by the plastic case on his head. They were still close.

Jean started stacking DVDs on Eren’s face, naming each one as he put them down.

“Which one should we start off with?” He asked, knowing full well that Eren couldn’t answer with all these movies piled on his face. Eren carefully brought his hand up to swat Jean in the head, the movement enough to make the tower of DVDs sway but not fall. Jean was undeterred, however,

“I think we should probably save ‘Elf’ for when we’re all drunk. Ymir’s bringing the booze by the way.”

Mikasa walked in carrying a bowl of roast potatoes and raised her eyebrow at the spectacle on the sofa. Marco trailed after her with a bowl of vegetables in one hand and a jug of gravy in the other. He shook his head and set the food down on the table.

“If anything I’m impressed that Eren can hold still for such a long time to balance all of that.” Chuckled Marco, digging in his pocket for his phone. Eren raised his hand to give him the middle finger, but in doing so jerked his body slightly so that the pillar of DVDs came crashing down. Both he, Jean and Marco burst out laughing – even Mikasa cracked a small smile.

Eren was happy, he realised as he sat down at the table. Jean and Marco were still there, still seemingly treasuring his friendship. It was a relief – although the feeling crumbled away piece by piece as Eren saw the shared looks between the two. That’s not how it was meant to be. Eren was supposed to be the most important to them. The doorbell rang and Jean got up to answer it as Marco returned to the kitchen to bring out a whole roast chicken.

Jean and Ymir entered the room, bringing a familiar face. Eren’s eyes widened.

“Christa?”

He remembered her vividly. The petite blonde girl who was the first person he’d attempted his people-reading and conversation skills on. She’d given him confidence for the future – she’d been the first person to fall for his act.

Ymir looked suspiciously between the two of them.

“You know eachother?”

Christa smiled sweetly up at her and Ymir visibly melted.

“Back in the summer, Eren helped me when I fell over in Trost sation.”

Jean slapped Eren on the back, smirking.

“That’s our Eren! Disgustingly kind and thoughtful. Ugh.” He made a retching motion and Marco playfully pinched him on the arm. Eren felt physically sick at the display of affection but forced a sheepish grin on his face.

“I’m happy that you remember me. You came all the way out here to visit Ymir?”

Everyone moved to sit down and Christa nodded, leaning into Ymir lovingly.

“Yeah,” She said, her voice full of adoration. “I visit her at Christmas break and she visits me at Easter break. It’s only fair, right?” Her smile was just as angelic as Eren remembered it to be, and Christa settled in with the group quickly and easily. Eren was almost jealous.

Ymir had decided that the best drink to go with Christmas Dinner was definitely hard liquor, and whacked out a large bottle of Maker’s Mark whiskey. The expensive stuff. She explained that really you should drink it on the rocks to be able to fully appreciate the fine taste of whiskey – but she followed that up with a comment on how she understood that everyone sat around the table were fucking pussies and that’s why she brought some coke to mix it with.

The food was delicious and Eren made sure to compliment Mikasa and Marco on it, laughing when Jean complained that he helped to and therefore also deserved some credit. Marco had giggled and thrown a spoonful of peas at him.

“You peeled some carrots. Woohoo, have a medal.”

Jean playfully sulked and bit viciously into his portion of roast chicken – and Eren felt his headache settling in again as acting became more and more of a strain. His fork was trembling in his hand by the time dinner was over and Marco started collecting up the plates.

“Eren, are you okay? You’re sweating…” Mikasa asked him softly, laying a hand on his forearm. These cracks in his façade were probably the _reason_ people would grow apart from him. He placed a hand over Mikasa’s and forced his features into a smile.

“I’m fine. I think I’ve been getting a little sick recently…Probably the cold, you know?” He continued before Mikasa could say anything. “Come open your present!”

And he pulled her by the hand over to where all the presents sat in a pile. As pleasing as her concern was for him, he really didn’t want to explain himself. The rest of the night, Eren carefully schooled his expressions and reactions – making sure not to get too drunk, since that would hinder his acting. He smiled, he laughed, he put up with Jean’s drunken bullshit. He cooed over how cute Christa and Ymir were together, he refrained from ripping his own hair out at how affectionate Jean and Marco were with each other.

He tried to calm himself down. They’d been friends for ages before Eren had come into the picture. But why were they only drifting further away _now?_ Eren’s head pounded and bile rose up in the back of his throat as they sat watching movies like ‘The Snowman’ and exchanging presents.

The whole night was a painful, stressful fucking nightmare, but as he drifted off to sleep on the couch with Mikasa – he couldn’t help but wonder what Levi was doing. 

* * *

 

Armin came back to Sina just before New Year and gushed about how much he’d missed Eren while he was gone. Connie and Sasha rolled in on New Year’s Eve morning, obviously ready to party it up that night.

Ymir had another house party for New Year, and Levi was there with both Petra and Erwin. Eren had felt his glare burning into the back of his neck, and turned to see Levi watching him put on his act with apparent disgust etched into his features. Eren tried to give him an apologetic look. He had to be this person in front of everyone else. Surely Levi understood that. As he saw Levi bid his friends goodbye and make to leave, Eren had jogged to catch up with him.

A small plastic bag containing Levi’s Birthmas (Eren was kicked again) present was handed over, and Eren had smiled his first and only true smile of the night. Levi’s jaw had clenched, his fingers had twitched and a small “thank you” had been gasped out in a rigid voice.

Eren could see the cogs turning in Levi’s head. Eren had bought him something, even though Levi hadn’t asked him to. Levi hadn’t made him, or put the idea in his head. Levi hadn’t had any part in Eren’s actions, and it was seriously throwing him off. For someone who was used to getting what he wanted from someone then throwing them away and moving onto the next person, the idea of Eren doing something for him with no apparent thoughts of personal gain was probably confusing him.

Eren understood when Levi turned stiffly away and went home without another word, but he didn’t understand why his heart thumped loudly for the remainder of the night.

 --

Classes started back up in mid-January and so did Eren’s unforgiving headaches. He was getting better at hiding his stress and fatigue, but he found himself hypersensitive to the people around him. The way Jean and Marco looked at each other. The way they were sliding further away from the group. The desperation with which Eren tried to get them back under his control was fiery and consuming. But he didn't know exactly _why_ they were gettng distant, so he couldn't come up with a proper solution. The parts of his wall that were once covered in Levi-related lists were now taken up with lists on how to prevent more people leaving him.

It was taking over his life – but at least reading people’s personalities and then altering his own to match theirs and make sure they loved him was becoming second nature to him. He was becoming intensely attuned to other’s needs, but only in the way that he could use it against them – to twist people around to his way of thinking. But then _why were Jean and Marco slipping away?_

A chance meeting with Levi on his way home from an evening shift at the diner had lead to Levi’s number in his phone and a lingering feeling of contentment after Levi had walked him home. Being himself around Levi eased his stress and headache like nothing else could, but he didn’t miss the way Levi’s pupils dilated or the way he bit his lip as he looked at him.

Eren knew he was messed up, but it was really nice to feel like they were messed up together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to call this the "calm before the storm" chapter - because I'm fucking shit up next chapter, sorry.  
> I'm also sorry that the end seems a little rushed...
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so so much to everyone following this piece of shit, any ideas on how to improve are completely welcome. See you next time!
> 
> (edit: so I just realised that a few people are tumbling about this, so I'm now tracking the tags  
> fic: lists  
> and  
> snk fic: lists
> 
> just in case uvu)


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I’m hurting you because I love you. You all need to realise that you need me to be here for you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the wait! I was studying like crazy for a while, then I had 3 job interviews for the same company, then I got sick TWICE, then I procrastinated, then I played flappy bird, then I didn't know what to write - then I suddenly got motivation and churned this out in two nights so... 
> 
> As always, if you spot any mistakes please let me know - since I may have missed a few in my rush to get this out. (I needed to post this today so I have time tomorrow to write a birthday fic for an incredibly special, wonderful person who lives in a ridiculous time zone. 8 HOURS, UGH is2g)
> 
> So yeah. 
> 
> There's quite a lot of mentions of vomiting in this chapter, so I'm sorry if this bugs people?
> 
> also....  
> WOOHOOOOO We got past 350 kudos this week! I am so happy it's unreal oh my god~!!! Thank you so so so much!!!

A crisp Tuesday morning in February found Eren Jäger throwing up the contents of his stomach in the same “Out of Order” toilets that Levi had pushed him into a few months previous. Levi himself was waiting just outside the cubicle with a disgusted look plastered on his face.

“That is so fucking gross.” He said, distaste dripping from each word. “Not to mention the third time this week, and it’s only Tuesday.” He wrinkled his nose as Eren coughed and spluttered over the toilet bowl. Soon enough, he stood and exited the cubicle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Levi narrowed his eyes at him.

“No seriously, it is physically sickening to even look at you right now.”

Eren stumbled over to the only working sink in the room and swilled some of the questionably coloured liquid around his mouth before spitting.

“Well why are you still here then?” Eren’s voice carried a teasing tone but had barely any bite to it at all. Being exhausted and puking your guts up tends to do that to a person. He could almost feel Levi smirking behind him. Eren straightened up and shot a glance at the broken mirror hanging on the wall in front of him, making eye contact with Levi’s reflection. There was a dark, dangerous glint in his steely grey eyes.

“Of course I’m here, brat.” Levi’s grin was feral and filthy. “You’re useless without me.”

And it was true.

After getting over the initial awkwardness of their relationship, an unspoken mutual understanding had been reached between the two.

They both understood that Eren’s constant acting and manipulative habits caused him a lot of stress and tension – and the only way he felt he could blow off steam was to be dominated and controlled by Levi.

Levi had no qualms with this, since he enjoyed nothing more than watching Eren put on his nauseating Mr Perfect act in front of everyone else, only to see that it took no more than a rough hand in his hair here, a few filthy words growled out against his skin there and a harsh bite just “ _ah, L-Levi, not there_ ” and Eren was baring his true self beneath him.

Eren needed it. He needed it as an outlet. He needed it to feel real. He needed to let go. And Levi needed it too. The way he felt laughably out of control of himself around Eren was smothered by his need to dominate him. It was almost as a form of revenge for the way Eren made his stomach twist and heart race whenever he got that determined look in his eyes. Levi needed to fuck him into submission, to make him come undone in order to feel like he was in control again. And having Eren rely on him so heavily for his fixes was deliciously empowering.

It was fucked up, it was unhealthy – but it was a mutually beneficial understanding.

And right now, Levi understood that Eren was throwing up due to stress and the amount of anxiety and sleeping pills he was taking.

Eren turned around to face him in the dingy bathroom and grinned, the brightness of the smile making Levi’s guts churn.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He ran a hand through his chocolate brown locks. “Should probably get to class, huh?” Eren stretched and started walking towards the exit.

“You’re not okay, you know.”

The Eren that turned back to face Levi was the one that made him feel physically sick. His mask was in place and most signs of stress and tension were gone from his body. Even his voice when he spoke was slightly higher, none of the guttural quality that Levi had become so accustomed to.

“What are you talking about? I’m fine.” Eren chirped, and left the bathroom first.

 

As he walked through the corridors and down the stairs, Eren contemplated to himself. He knew he wasn’t okay. He knew that most college students weren’t taking half the amount of pills he was taking, and most college students’ entire social lives didn’t depend on a bullshit act and ability to control other people. And most college students wouldn’t desperately need to throw up after seeing two of their friends laughing and joking together. Eren’s fists clenched.

He’d walked onto campus that morning with Mikasa and Armin, but usually Jean and Marco would be with them. They weren’t. Where they were, was sat on a bench near to the north building. They were laughing together at something – completely blissful in each other’s company. The birds sang and the sun fucking shone for them; it was repulsive. Cold stabs of jealousy had ripped through Eren’s stomach. Not only were they distancing themselves from the group, _from Eren_ , but they were so happy together. Happy without him.

It was fucking unacceptable.

And so up came Eren’s breakfast.

Anger pulsed through Eren’s veins as he walked but he was careful to school his expression so no one could ever tell. He had a Communication and Culture lecture to get to, so at least just being around Mikasa would calm him down. She’d never leave him.

Eren wanted Jean and Marco to _hurt_.

\--

The lecture went surprisingly quickly, with Hanji reminding them that their assignments were due in two weeks. ‘Better start on that then.’ Thought Eren. ‘Or get someone else to do it.’ Which, admittedly, seemed like a more foreseeable option.

He hadn’t really taken in much of what Hanji was saying; instead thinking of ways to get back at Jean and Marco for stressing him out so much without them knowing it was him.

He found Hitch and Reiner after third period sharing a joint behind the chemistry labs. He kicked the dirt up as he walked and slumped down between them with an annoyed huff, throwing his bag down next to him. Hitch looked down at him from where she was sat on a wall, curiosity dancing in her bloodshot, feline eyes.

“Oh, Eren. You don’t hang out around here often, what’s up?” She questioned; her voice high and nasal as usual.

Eren groaned and coaxed his face into a mixture of just the right amount of anger and upset. He looked up at Reiner as he sympathetically passed him the joint. Eren took a drag and offered it to Hitch.

“No honey, you look like you need it more. Did something happen?”

_Jackpot._

Hitch was the nosiest bitch with the loudest mouth.

Eren sighed.

“I’m just feeling so neglected, y’know?” He cast his eyes downwards and took another drag. Reiner let out a deep laugh next to him.

“What could the great Eren Jäger have to feel neglected about? You’re practically campus royalty, everyone loves you.”

Eren’s stomach twisted in delight.

_‘Well yeah.’_

He furrowed his brows.

“No, like…” He bit his lip in a show of hesitation and Hitch dropped down from her perch to crouch next to him – clearly all ears for any details.

“You know my friends, Marco Bodt and Jean-“

“Undercut Pony and Freckles McGee?” Hitch chipped in. Eren and Reiner snorted.

“Yeah, them. They barely talk to me anymore – I just don’t know what I’ve done. And they skip class a lot too, and no one knows where they are or what they’re doing… I’m worried about them, but I’m really upset because they won’t tell me what’s going on like….what if they hate me?”

Eren made sure to look up at Reiner and Hitch with calculated uncertainty and hurt swirling in his eyes. Hitch threw a sympathetic arm over his shoulder, but Eren knew better. She was a drama mosquito, buzzing around any form of interesting information and sucking all the juicy gossip out. She really had no personal feelings on the matter – she was only in it for the ride.

“Honey, of course they don’t hate you. Who could hate you? Reiner, look at this little cutie – all he does is worry about his friends and they treat him so badly!”

Reiner held his hand out for the joint which Eren passed to him, eyes trained on the ground.

“I have seen them sneaking off places together.” He mumbled in a gruff voice.

Eren’s head shot up,

“Really?” He made sure to keep his voice delicate. Hitch was zoning in now,

“Really?” Her shrill voice echoed. “Sneaking off to do what? Oh my god, what if they’re doing drugs?”

Reiner let out a short bark of laughter,

“We’re doing drugs right now.”

Hitch started giggling, her slim shoulders shaking with mirth.

“No, silly – hard drugs.” Her eyes widened, “Come to think of it, I’ve been seeing bruises on Freckles’ neck and sometimes his shoulders – is he being beaten?”

Hitch’s entire face lit up as she started getting carried away,

“Oooh, maybe he’s a crackwhore – and his clients rough him up?”

Reiner and Eren shared a knowing look as the petite girl started spouting all manner of different scenarios.

“Is that why Marco always wears long sleeved shirts? To cover up his track-marks?” She screeched, her exhilaration almost bubbling over.

Reiner passed the last of the joint back to Eren, mumbling that he could have the rest, and then adding,

“He probably wears long sleeved shirts because it’s _winter_.”

Hitch gave him a disapproving look.

“I know that,” She replied testily, “But don’t they seem the type? I think they have been losing weight recently…Oh, it’s horrible that they’re making Eren feel so bad! Unforgivable!” She threw her arms around Eren.

“What’s unforgivable?”

Eren and Hitch looked up to the source of the new voice. Marlowe, Annie and Bertholt casually sauntered in, dropping their bags on the ground in the process. Bertholt waved at Eren silently as he sat down nearest to him.

“Jean and Marco are being dicks!” Hitch cried, not removing her arms from around Eren. “And possibly crackwhores.” She added.

Annie merely raised an eyebrow and started rolling a joint. She was clearly used to Hitch’s constant bullshit.

Marlowe’s eyes narrowed,

“You’re joking, aren’t you? There’s no possible way that those two could be actual crackwhores. Surely not Marco at least.”

Annie didn’t look up from her rolling as she spoke up next,

“I don’t know, Marlowe – I hear Marco got caught sucking dick in the locker rooms back in his high school.”

This caught Hitch’s attention and she positively squealed with delight.

“No. Fucking. Way!”

Annie smirked, finally looking up.

“Way.”

Marlowe glared at both of them.

“That’s _disgusting_. Marco Bodt, seriously? Ugh…” He turned away, repulsed. “And it’s worse if they’re making Eren act like this. I don’t think I’ve ever even _seen_ you upset before now.” He grumbled disapprovingly.  

Eren offered him a weak smile.

“I’m just worried about them, you know?”

Marlowe’s eyes softened and Eren inwardly celebrated his victory.

“You’re such a good person Eren. I don’t think you’ll ever be tainted by corruption like _those two_ clearly have.”

A devious, feral grin tried to make its way onto Eren’s face at the way poison dripped from Marlowe’s words, but he killed it immediately. He’d give it about two hours before a bunch of hideous rumours made their way around campus. He could always trust Hitch and Marlowe.

 --

It was hilarious how something as childish as a rumour could spread everywhere and have such a big effect on people. You’d have thought people would have given up petty gossip-mongering after graduating high school – but clearly not. And there was always going to be people who took it too far; who felt a little too strongly about something that hadn’t even been proved. It was only the Friday of the same week – and Eren had already heard of a few people doing exactly that.

“I don’t know if I’m paranoid – but I swear people are giving me really cold glares around campus…” Marco whispered during a Psychology Theory lecture. Connie and Eren looked up from their notes,

“Seriously? Why?” Connie was the first to reply, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Marco frowned, eyes downcast.

“I’m not sure… I mean it might just be me, y’know? But I swear people are staring at me more. Sometimes when I walk near a group of people, they’ll all go silent and then start whispering when I pass them completely.” Marco bit his lip in uncertainty. “I don’t know, it just really puts me on edge.”

Jean put a comforting hand on his shoulder and Eren found himself wanting him hurt even more.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. I think a lot of people are in a weird mood this week – I was waiting outside a lecture hall yesterday morning and this guy I don’t even know smashed into my back and chucked his drink all over me. And he clearly wasn’t sorry at all, plus all his friends were laughing. Maybe a bunch of immature students are having some kinda prank week?” Jean gave Marco a reassuring grin and Eren decided to chip in,

“Yeah Marco, don’t worry too much about it. Who could have anything against _you_?”

Marco barely looked convinced, and Eren went back to taking notes – a slightly more triumphant feeling settling in his chest.

The lecture went by with a little bit of idle chit-chat between the group - but mostly it was spent diligently taking notes as there was an exam coming up. As they packed up their belongings and made to leave the lecture hall, Eren couldn’t help but notice that Marco was right - quite a few people from their class were shooting him dirty looks or just pointing discreetly and giggling. Eren wondered what the rumour had evolved into by now, and how many off-shoot versions it had. A part of him still couldn’t believe that people could still be so ridiculously juvenile – but it was working in his favour, so whatever.

As they were walking down the hallway to meet Armin and Mikasa some guy Eren had never even seen before sprinted past them and knocked into Marco as he ran – slamming him into the lockers as a result. There were a few muffled giggles as Marco fell to the floor and Eren didn’t know whether he felt elated or guilty. He covered it all up with abundant concern.

“Oh my god, Marco – are you okay!?”

He offered a hand to help Marco up.

“You’re not hurt anywhere are you?”

Jean was glaring murderously in the direction the guy was running in, teeth bared in rage.

“What the actual fuck is that asshole’s problem? That was clearly done on purpose!” He was almost shaking in rage and Eren found it so fucking _entertaining_ -

“Jean, calm down, I’m fine.” Marco’s voice was small and steady, but he was rotating his shoulder with a wince. Eren guessed there was going to be an impressive bruise blooming there soon enough.

 _‘Why don’t you get your beloved Jean to kiss it better?’_ He found himself thinking viciously, before he could even stop himself.

“I don’t know, Jean – he could just have been in a huge hurry for something… It might have been an accident…” Eren murmured, picking Marco’s fallen bag up from the floor and dusting it off. Jean snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Bro, you have got to stop seeing the best in people.” Eren shrugged as if he had no idea what Jean meant.

“The asshole didn’t even apologise.” Connie added venomously.

Eren handed Marco’s bag back to him and the group continued down the hallway – Marco obviously shaken up and noticing more than ever exactly how many people’s eyes were trained on him at that moment. Eren noticed Marco shiver almost imperceptibly and let the ghost of a sick smirk warp his lips.

 --

Eren even admitted to himself that this was petty revenge. If anything, it doubled his acting efforts everyday but there was something abominably sweet about it. The way he found he could bite his lip and blink his watery eyes at one group of people and start a shit storm. And marginally, it was helping. Because the more Jean and Marco noticed that they were being targeted, the more they went to Eren for help. The more they searched for Eren’s support and sympathy. The way they almost looked as if they were terrified of the miniscule possibility that Eren would turn against them too for some reason – which was fucking _ironic as hell_ , since that’s exactly what was fuelling Eren’s determination. By making other people hurt Jean and Marco, he was pushing them closer to him.

There was a sick satisfaction in the way that no one had hurt his friends unless Eren had told them to. They belonged to _him_. Only Eren could decide what happened to him – and this had all started because Eren had willed it to. No one was the wiser.

Well…actually...

_“Are you some kind of fucking idiot, Jäger?”_

There was always Levi.

Eren found his head slammed into a locker in a deserted third-floor corridor and a bitter grin on his face.

Levi always knew.

“We have probably had countless discussions about how you are _no way_ _near_ right in the head but at this point, brat, you are taking the motherfucking biscuit.”

Levi’s hand was tightening in his hair, just like the hot coil of arousal in Eren’s stomach.

 _‘No “Good boy, Eren” today, then.’_ He thought, sardonically.

Levi let his head go with a breathy groan and Eren straightened up, his ears still ringing from the impact. He raised his eyes to see Levi glaring at him.

“What is wrong with you?” It sounded less like a usual Levi-Insult, and more like an actual question. Like Levi was legitimately asking Eren what exactly possessed him to fuck things up so _tremendously._

A weak laugh escaped Eren’s lips as he shook his head,

“You don’t understand…”

Levi regarded him incredulously.

“No.” He deadpanned. “No, I fucking don’t.” He started walking towards him, effectively trapping Eren against the lockers. Thank God there was no one around.

“Please, enlighten me as to why you thought it would be a good idea to suddenly turn half of the student body against two of your _friends_.”

_‘Well, when you put it like **that** -‘_

Levi continued, his voice hissing dangerously quiet;

“See, before, you were stressed. You were having migraines, sore muscles, lack of sleep, throwing up – you looked like you were on the verge of an anxiety attack. And now you look worse. You’re practically shaking half of the times I see you – from stimulation or what I literally just don’t even-“

Eren cut him off,

“Well yeah, I’m twice as stressed because there’s twice as much manipulation to do – but that’s not just it.”

Levi raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, daring Eren to go on. He did.

“The tension I’m feeling now, it’s like…excitement, I guess. And then all of this anger and worry and shit is just bubbling over – and look what I’ve _started_ -“

“Making your friends miserable?”

“Yeah, but they’re leaning on me! They won’t ever leave me because everyone else hates them!”

Eren couldn’t help the way his voice rose at the end, mentally berating himself for his loss of composure. If someone else were to hear, he’d be royally fucked. Levi, however, just looked at him as though he’d just grown an extra head.

“Okay, wow.” He started, looking away. “Where should I even begin on exactly how fucked up that is?”

Eren’s eyes narrowed and his voice came out in a low growl.

“Y’know, I don’t remember asking for your opinion. In fact, who even made this your business?”

Levi flinched backwards as though Eren had physically slapped him. The expression on his face darkened rapidly and Eren knew in an instant that he was treading dangerous ground. He should probably stop talking for his own good.

“I never asked you to care.”

Or not.

Brain to Mouth Filter nonexistence level: Eren Jäger.

Eren’s whole body went cold as he witnessed Levi’s entire change of demeanour before him. If he thought he was angry before, this was a complete new hideous level. Levi was fucking _livid –_ eyebrows knitted together in the most terrifying scowl Eren had ever seen on the older man, teeth bared like a rabid animal. Eren tensed, almost bracing himself for a punch, but it never came.

“Alright.” Levi’s voice was so small; Eren could barely make it out. He stopped breathing completely, almost afraid that his short puffs of air mingling in between them would somehow break the fragile thread holding Levi back from going berserk. Eren wished his heart would stop beating so loudly in his ears; he could barely hear Levi’s next words over the violent thumping.

“I won’t care anymore. You’re on your own.”

And Eren knew he’d truly fucked up this time.

“Wait, Levi-“

His words fell on deaf ears as Levi rigidly turned and walked away, leaving Eren alone in the hallway with nothing but his desperate thoughts of ‘ _fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ ’ and a crushing realisation that Levi had just gone, taking a huge chunk of what was left of Eren with him.

Eren let out a bitter laugh.

Who knew that it would hurt so much? 

* * *

 

Levi’s absence was felt in full-force come Monday. Socialising over the weekend, his act doubled and twice as taxing, had left Eren feeling especially wrecked. Playing the supportive best friend while pretending he didn’t know anything about where the rumours were from, pretending that he didn’t want to cut Jean’s arms off for hugging Marco encouragingly – all the stress had built up and built up and Eren had barely gotten three hours of sleep.

He woke up on Monday morning and wrenched his eyelids open – feeling like he was dragging them against sandpaper. The pounding headache had started when Levi had left him and hadn’t stopped no matter how many pills he’d taken – in fact, how many _had_ he taken?

Eren felt sick. Dizzy. He couldn’t even see straight, the edges of his vision blurry and dark. He tried to swing one leg out of bed and stand up, only for the limb to shake and give out the second he put any weight on it. Eren collapsed on the cold floor next to his bed, feeling more pathetic than he’d felt in ages.

Usually the weekend wouldn’t pass without a tryst with Levi that left him feeling refreshed and _human_ in time to start the week again.

No such luck this time around, obviously.

Eren had tried to text him, call him, apologise but after about ten times listening to it ring and ring and ring and _ring_ , the next time he called, it disconnected immediately. So Levi had probably blocked his number.

Eren had never felt so alone before in his life.

Bile suddenly rose up in his throat and Eren didn’t even have the physical strength or energy to get to the bathroom. He crawled weakly over to the trash can and dry heaved, feeling disgusting, pathetic and broken.

The rest of the day went no better. After throwing up his piss-poor attempt at breakfast and half-digested headache pills in a dingy bathroom stall after second period, he exited the toilet to find Armin waiting for him with concern printed all over his delicate features.

“Eren, was that you vomiting?”

It took all Eren had to coax his face into a haggard smile.

“I’m fine; I just ate something gross for breakfast. My fault for taking food that wasn’t mine from the communal fridge, huh? God, I’m an idiot, ha ha.” His attempt to make a joke ended up in a sudden coughing fit that was fucking laughable in its perfect timing. Armin was clearly not pacified.

“We’re all really worried about you. You seem so stressed all the time and none of us know what’s going on with you – or how we can help, or anything…” Armin trailed off, biting his lip.

“You’re not alone, Eren.”

Eren didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the irony.

He didn’t realise he was _actually_ crying until Armin was handing him a white handkerchief – like seriously who even carried those around. Eren sniffled feebly, a weak but grateful smile adorning his dry, cracked lips.

“I’m sorry to make you worry, Armin, thank you.”

He took the handkerchief and half-heartedly wiped at his eyes. Armin was still regarding him like he might break any second, and truthfully Eren felt like he could. But he had to suck it up. He had to act.

“I’ve just been really ill recently, and then there’s exam stress too, y’know?”

Armin nodded slowly but Eren could tell he wasn’t fully pacified but it was probably the closest he was going to get. They walked to the cafeteria together and Armin bought him the most disgustingly delicious tray of chips and cheese.

 --

Even though it was directly Eren’s fault that rumours about Marco and Jean had started, the way they had blown out of proportion and evolved was shocking even to him. Eren had thought that most people would have graduated from juvenile shit like vandalising lockers along with high school – but the sight that greeted his sore eyes the next morning proved otherwise. It was Jean’s locker, and it had been pounded until the lock had broken and what seemed to be the entire contents of a nasty food waste bin had been emptied inside it. Eren wrinkled his nose at the smell,

“What the actual fuck - who would even _do_ this?”

He legitimately wanted to know, because they needed a medal for the way the veins in Jean’s neck were becoming more and more prominent due to rage. Eren had never felt more petty than at that moment, and guilt lanced through him every second. It was soon replaced with a lovely, warm feeling the second that he laid a comforting hand on Jean’s shoulder and Jean looked up at him in gratitude – almost thankful for Eren’s existence.

_‘I’m hurting you because I love you. You all need to realise that you **need** me to be here for you.’_

 

Later that day, Eren passed Levi in the corridors and Levi didn’t even spare him a second glance – merely pretending that Eren didn’t exist. Eren threw up for the second time that day and refused to recognise the tears making their way down his face when he finally crawled into bed after a long, gruelling shift at work after classes finished.

 --

Looking as shit as he felt definitely counted for something as Hannah in his Communication and Culture class offered to do most of his assignment for him.

Eren found himself absentmindedly wondering how he’d managed to avoid rumours starting about _him_ being a crackwhore – as the dark circles, weight loss, trembling fingers and general shitty appearance should definitely have set off warning bells for some people. Even his lecturers had started eyeing him sympathetically. But everyone loved him too much. The general thought pattern seemed to be “Eren is obviously a unfortunate soul who is going through a rough patch, he’s sick and stressed, poor baby.”

He was thankful for that at least. All his hard work at the beginning of term had stuck in everyone’s minds and they all continued to love him even though his acting efforts had been slightly half-assed recently.

The next day, Eren sat with Marco on a secluded table in the library sharing his notes since Marco’s had mysteriously gone missing. They both knew it wasn’t an accidental misplacement but with the Psychology exam on the horizon, there really wasn’t much to do about it.

Marco looked up from his frantic scribbling and gave Eren a warm smile.

“Thank you so much, Eren – I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

A true smile graced Eren’s lips as Marco said that, and he felt warped kind of happiness seep up from his stomach and bloom in his chest.

“Eren…” Marco started. He looked hesitant.

“Yeah?”

“You’ve heard all of the other rumours about me and Jean by now, haven’t you?”

There were others? He only really knew the ones he'd helped start, but Eren nodded anyway, eyebrows furrowed in anger. It had initially taken a week or so for Jean and Marco themselves to hear these rumours about them.

“Yeah, I heard. Fucking ridiculous.” He said in a gruff voice, and Marco’s face split into a relieved grin.

“I’m so happy you’re on our side.”

Eren laughed and clapped Marco on the back with a grin.

“Of course I would be, you guys are my best friends! I just hope you won’t let this absolute bullshit get you down too badly.”

Marco looked like he was could be walking on clouds as he went back to copying Eren’s notes.

“As long as I have friends like you, I’m sure I’ll be fine whatever happens.”

Fuck that, Eren felt like _he_ could walk on clouds right now. Everything felt like it was worth it. He grinned back at Marco and went back to studying.

Eren wasn’t sure what caught his attention and made him look up, but when he did the first thing in his line of vision was Levi, looking just as perfect as always, holding a light conversation with Petra. Whether he’d noticed that Eren was right there, Eren didn’t know, but Petra’s eyes fell on him and she waved – smiling sweetly. As she did so, Levi looked over to him too. They made eye contact for the first time since the argument and Eren had never felt such a strong chill shoot through his whole body at the barely masked, simmering anger present in Levi’s gaze. Eren gulped and looked down, half wishing that Levi would come over and just talk to him, yell at him, punch him, call him an idiot, tell him he was fucked up in the head – _anything_. Anything.

He really felt like he was useless without Levi. Like if Levi wasn’t there to hurt him when he needed to be hurt, his body would start decomposing on its own accord. He had no form of release anymore – and he just truly, honestly _missed_ the older man. It was a horrible, unneeded and repulsive feeling, but he did. Eren chanced another glance up and felt his stomach plummet when he saw that Levi had already left.

Maybe Levi really didn’t care.

Maybe Eren really was on his own.

He just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep for an eternity. It was laughably pathetic, the way that after weeks of acting, control and manipulation, Eren could finally bask in happiness of the success of his plan – and then Levi could come along and make him feel like shit again in a split second. And he wasn’t even trying. Eren really was fucked up.

* * *

The next week passed with still no contact from Levi and Eren’s stress levels were through the roof. There was no escape, no emotional outlet, nothing to make him feel like he was real – it was like living a nightmare. Eren never would have believed he could have been so dependent on another person in his life. Maybe he’d have been able to cope if he hadn’t started drama around his own friendship group. Hiding the guilt he was feeling about how much he’d hurt his friends, hiding the elation he was feeling at how much he’d been _able_ to hurt his friends just by a few choice words here and there…

Making sure to say the right encouraging thing, calculating the right amount of sympathy and rage at each petty act commited against Jean and Marco…

Couple that with his regular acting and keeping tabs on everyone, and then studying for exams – Eren felt like his skull was going to split.

He arrived half way through second period and decided there was really no point in showing up altogether as it was only Comms, and Hannah was doing his assignment anyway, so Eren made his way straight to the cafeteria. Dire situations called for tea. And maybe a muffin. Or twelve.

Eren dragged his body through the double doors and immediately spotted Jean and Marco hunched over their usual table, the other inhabitants of the cafeteria breaking out into deafening whispers as Eren made his entrance. What had happened?

Marco was crying.

Eren felt his heart rate speed up and he walked with more urgency.

“What happened?” He demanded as soon as he reached the table. Marco merely looked up at him, tear tracks glistening from his freckled cheeks. Eren turned to Jean,

“Jean, what’s going on?”

Jean’s grit his teeth, face flushed with rage.

“Our apartment got vandalised this morning.”

Eren’s eyes widened.

“What? What do you mean?” Jean and Marco lived in an apartment block, did they mean the entire building was vandalised? Eren looked around the room to see that everyone’s eyes were on them, and he felt vulnerable, on display and scared.

“Someone threw a brick through our window. Someone from the university.”

A curdling feeling settled in Eren’s stomach. He didn’t mean it to go this far, that would cost them a lot to repair – not to mention now they wouldn’t even feel safe in their own house.

“Are you sure it wasn’t just normal vandals and your window was the unlucky one?” Eren asked, and Marco let out a sudden sob.

Jean hesitated.

“It was definitely meant for us. There was actually a note tied to the brick with string.”

Eren’s throat felt dry.

“What…What did it say?”

Jean looked at the ground, the initial anger on his face melting into a deeply troubled look. This wasn’t still the crackwhore thing was it? Someone had already written Marco’s cell phone number on the wall of a seedy club bathroom in downtown Sina, “Marco Bodt: Crackwhore” written next to it. Surely it couldn’t have escalated this far…

“Jean?”

Eren never meant for it to get like this.

“Jean?”

He never meant for this to get so out of hand. Jean raised his eyes up to meet Eren’s.

“It said ‘Faggots.’”

Eren’s thoughts grinded to a halt. What? That wasn’t the rumour…? The confusion must have shown on his face.

It was Marco that spoke up this time, his voice cracking.

“This isn’t exactly how we wanted to tell you, Eren.” He sniffled and wiped his eyes. “But... me and Jean are dating.”

The world stopped but Marco kept talking.

“We have been for a while now, since just after Halloween.”

Eren’s insides were twisting and churning and it felt like javelins of ice were spearing him in the stomach. For that long? And they hadn’t said anything? They’d been keeping this a secret from him?

“We were going to tell everyone soon, but we just didn’t really know how…”

He’d had no idea until now. He thought that he’d kept such close tabs on everyone; that he knew what everyone was doing – but he hadn’t known. They hadn’t _wanted_ him to know.

Horror quickly escalated to panic, Marco’s words becoming a buzz in the background.

And they were already abandoning the group this much, what was to stop them from leaving Eren forever? They were so blissful in each other’s company, beautiful and in _love_ and belonging to each other – not Eren.

Eren felt his chest constricting rapidly, his heart racing and fingers trembling.

They’d always put each other first. They’d value one another, cherish one another. They needed each other – they didn’t need Eren.

Eren felt his throat close up and an icy sheen of cold sweat break out across his forehead.

He’d never been so certain about it until now.

They were going to leave him. For definite. They weren’t his, they were each other’s.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god-_

Bile rose up in the back of Eren’s mouth, his nostrils burning and he vaguely registered both Jean and Marco looking at him with worried expressions. He must have looked fucking terrible.

_They were going to leave him._

He was having a panic attack.

 _They were going to leave him_.

Eren’s heart hammered against his ribcage and he suddenly needed to retch. He was going to vomit. He was going to pass out. In which order? He needed to get away.

His feet felt like they were anchored to the spot he was standing in, as if hell itself was trying to drag him down through the floor, but he managed to stumble backwards.

“I’m sorry,” He barely stuttered out, “I’m really- I need to, I-“

Eren’s body was suddenly shaken with a violent quaver of pure, unadulterated terror.

_‘I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe-‘_

Eren somehow managed to stagger out of the cafeteria – vaguely aware that everyone was watching him. It was over. Everything was over. He stumbled down the blessedly almost-empty corridor – mind in a haze, knees buckling.

_‘They’re definitely going to leave me after this.’_

There was a decently-sized janitor’s closet down here on the right hand side, he knew there was. Eren could barely see, the visual of the hallway twisting and warping in front of his eyes – his peripheral vision completely blacked out. His legs were going to give out, _fuck, fuck, fuck-_

It took Eren five tries before he could properly grasp the handle to the janitor’s closet. He wrenched it open and collapsed inside, flinging the door shut behind him. Eren fell to his knees and retched. The entire world was closing in on him.

Saliva still hanging from his chin like a disgusting chain, Eren was able to throw his body to the side – away from the grotesque puddle of bile. As soon as he hit the floor, Eren felt his whole body convulse in a series of violent shudders. His nails scratched at his face, pulled on his hair, every muscle in his whole body trembling viciously.

Eren felt something entirely different bubble up inside him and his fist was stuffed in his mouth before he even realised that he was screaming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at angst, drama and all things depressing.  
> I figured everyone has different kinds/levels of panic attacks - so I just based Eren's on my own. 
> 
>  
> 
> I hope everyone understands that these kinds of co-dependant, mentally-messed-up relationships are incredibly unhealthy and not cute or romantic at all.  
> But wahh, I just want to hug these babies, ugh.
> 
> Okay! Shameless self promo time!  
> Here is my  
> Tumblr: trickfantasy (I'm tracking fic: lists and trickfantasy)  
> Snapchat: ksaralpaca (I will spam you, be warned. But I'm adorable as fuck and funny sometimes, I promise!)
> 
> On a side note, I finally told my fiancée that I write fics and occasionally gay porn, and he was totally cool with it. Yippee! He was like "Well, you're good with words and you're pretty sexual so..."  
> Hufff, excuse YOU, bitch, I'll have you all know that irl I am as innocent and pure as the virgin snow. 
> 
> But yeah, as always - thank you all so much for the lovely comments, you have no idea how happy I get reading them.  
> Really, thank you.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, you piece of trash.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS ONLY 4,000 WORDS LONG AND I'M SORRY.

The world was spinning and all Eren could hear was the violent thud of his own heart in his ears and the well-muffled screams ripping their way out of his throat. His body curled into itself, occasionally being shaken by a series of fierce convulsions and his eyes blistered with hot tears. Where even was he again? How long had he been trembling pathetically next to a pool of his own vomit? Eren choked out a sob and struggled to breathe back in. His chest was tight, his throat clenching, he couldn’t breathe, _fuck, fuck, fuck._

It was all over now, it had to be. The shocked expression on Marco’s tear-tracked face as Eren was plunged into the hell inside his own head. And then, seeing him run out of the room so suddenly – what must everyone have though, _what must everyone have thought-_

Eren didn’t notice the crack of light that shone into the narrow closet, nor the soft thud and click of the door being closed and locked again from the inside. Only when a soft voice called his name did he jump, a panicked whimper escaping his lips. Eren raised his head from where it was wrapped in his arms and forced a heavy eyelid open.

“L-Levi…” His voice was small, cracked and broken.

Through bleary eyes, he could make out Levi’s silhouette, stepping towards him and dropping to his knees. In trying to avoid the patch of bile on the floor, Levi was hunched over Eren’s shivering frame. Eren hid his face again, torn between not wanting Levi to even _look_ at him, and wanting to throw his arms around him and cry until there was nothing left inside him. Levi was both the best and worst person to find him like this. But with the mess Eren was making of himself and the rank vomit stain on the rough carpet of the janitor’s closet – it was only a matter of time before Levi left him too. Levi couldn’t stand dirty things, after all.

Eren sobbed to himself quietly, subconsciously listening for the telltale crack that Levi’s knees always made when he stood up, and the sound of the door opening again. He waited for a solitary silence to shroud him again. He didn’t expect the rustle of clothing as Levi wedged himself in between Eren’s body and the wall. Eren peeked up,

“You’re…here?”

Levi hoisted Eren’s upper body up so he was draped up across his own, Eren’s head resting against Levi’s defined chest. Eren tensed at the sudden position change.

“Why…?” The breathy whisper slipped out from between Eren’s chapped lips. He curled into himself, sniffling. “I’m disgusting…”

A sigh came from above him, the puff of air ghosting over the top of Eren’s hair, making him flinch.

“I’m here to take care of you.”

Eren had never heard Levi’s voice so soft before, as if he were worried he might hurt him if he spoke too loudly. It had the opposite effect. Hearing Levi – _Levi_ – speak so gently to him made a fresh set of tears and sobs shoot through Eren’s body. Levi rubbed soothing circles on Eren’s back, though the fact that his body was tense and he was barely breathing (most probably due to the smell of vomit lingering in the small space) made it seem just a little bit unnatural. But that wasn’t the point at all – the point was that Levi was here. Levi was staying with him. Eren was filthy and pathetic – there was bile on the floor, they hadn’t spoken for about two weeks, but Levi was here.

Eren’s sobs gradually died out, little by little, and as did the tension in Levi’s body. Eren opened his dry mouth, trying to form words.

“They’re leaving me…Everyone always leaves me…” He croaked into Levi’s chest. Levi’s hand nestled into Eren’s hair, lightly scratching the scalp in a calming sort of way.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere.” Levi’s murmur came from above him.

Eren felt his cheeks warm and chest tighten.

“I was a total dick to you.” He said, clutching at Levi’s shirt. Levi sighed again,

“Yeah, you were.”

Eren apprehensively raised his eyes to meet Levi’s.

“But…you won’t leave me again?” Eren hated the pleading lilt his voice took on, hated how vulnerable it made him feel. But there it was – they were his honest feelings. Levi was the only person Eren could ever open up to.

Levi nodded and Eren’s chest exploded with warmth.

“But Eren, they’re not leaving you. They’ll still be with you. And even recently when you’ve been letting bits of your actual personality shine through, they’re accepting it aren’t they?”

Eren lowered his eyes again. He wanted to explain that his friends thought that it was just a phase that would pass. They thought that Eren was stressed and angry recently – if they knew that he was irritable most of the time, there’s no way they’d accept him. Maybe other parts of his personality – the determination, how headstrong he was; they might accept that. But, how could they like him, when not even his own family did? When his own mother killed herself to get away from him. Eren’s body shook with fresh sobs.

“Eren, I’m going to ask you something.” Eren sniffled in response. “Do you honestly expect the whole world to follow you around like lost puppies 100% of the time? Do you truly think that everyone should give you all of their undivided love and attention, even though you’re only giving them about 5% each of yours?”

Eren nodded, fully aware that he looked like a petulant child. But that was the point. From the beginning, Eren wanted complete control over everyone; he wanted to soak in everyone’s love like he’d never been able to before. He never wanted to get so attached to people again. He wanted people to make him the centre of their lives, but he didn’t want to return those feelings. But somewhere along the lines, he’d met Levi – who’d royally fucked him up. And Jean, Marco, Mikasa, Armin – everyone… He’d found himself truly valuing them as friends.

Until he’d gone out of his way to make Jean and Marco’s life hell – but that was for their own _good-_

Someone that picked people up and dropped them again on a whim like Levi could never possibly understand him.

“Eren…” Eren was broken out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw a glimmer in Levi’s eyes that he couldn’t quite place.

“One day, there’ll be someone who will value you more than everyone else. Give you ten thousand percent of their love and time, and put your needs above their own every time. But you can’t demand that of _everyone_.”

Eren knew that he was selfish and twisted – he truly did. But at the end of this day, maybe he wouldn’t escape with even half of the friends he had before. After the shit that just went down, maybe no one would want him anymore. But Levi…

Maybe if Levi could just stay with him, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Eren wiped his face on the long sleeves of his jacket.

“I have work this afternoon…”

“No you don’t.”

Levi tapped his shoulder.

“Come on, get up.”

They clambered to their feet, daintily dancing around the small puddle of vomit that was still stinking out the cramped room. Eren felt butterflies dance in his stomach as he thought about how Levi must have stamped down his own hatred of dirty things just for _him_.

“Ugh, gross. And now I feel soft as hell, all these fuckin’ feelings and shit. I’m probably gonna have to punch a hole through a wall to feel manly again.” Levi grumbled, wrinkling his nose in a way that Eren probably shouldn’t have found so endearing. Eren chanced a weak smile,

“It’ll take way more than that to make you manly again, you’re a little bitch.”

Levi raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, reminding him with his gaze exactly who was whimpering and crying on the floor merely minutes ago.

“Yeah.” He said, dangerously. “I guess I could just fuck you in the ass again.”

Levi unlocked the door, stepped out and left a red-faced Eren to shuffle forward after him on shaky legs.

\--

Thankfully, Eren and Levi managed to make it back to Eren’s student building without running into anyone they knew, but Eren could tell that it was only a matter of time before everyone knew what had happened in the cafeteria. What was everyone going to think?

Once in his room, Levi helped him change out of his clothes – snidely complaining about the mess the whole time.

“Has anyone ever told you that a damp, mouldy room will make you sick?” He rumbled, pulling the blankets up over Eren’s body and smoothing them down – the gesture gentle and sweet. Eren wished he could blame his blush on a fever, but no such luck. Levi didn’t say anything about it – but there was no doubt that he’d noticed. As Levi turned to let himself out, an unwelcome bubble of panic popped in Eren’s stomach.

“Levi?” He blurted out.

He turned around. Eren fiddled with the edges of his duvet, suddenly finding the thread count incredibly interesting.

“Stay with me?” His voice was soft; his eyes not finding the confidence to meet Levi’s gaze.

“I have class today…” Levi trailed off, and Eren’s heart plummeted – but he understood. Like Levi said earlier, not everyone was going to put his needs above their own. Maybe this was the first step he needed to take in order to understand that. “…but what the hell.”

Eren’s eyes shot up to take in the form of Levi lifting the corner of the duvet and slipping in beside him. Pure happiness blossomed in his chest, and he said the dumbest thing that came to mind.

“You’re going to sleep in your jeans?”

Levi fixed him with a level look.

“When was the last time you washed your sheets?”

Eren knew instantly that he was fighting a losing battle, but Levi’s jeans felt scratchy and weird against his own bare legs.

He wasn’t one to complain though, not when Levi’s arms wrapped around him, pulled him close and made him feel more safe and secure than he’d ever felt in his life.

\--

Eren skips class the next day, and Levi skips with him.

_“Are you sure you’re okay with missing another day with me?”_

_“Shut your fucking mouth, I swear to god, just feed me.”_

_“Eat a dick.”_

_“Is that an invitation?”_

It’s about 3pm when Levi looks up from the book he was studying and gets Eren’s attention by tugging his hair. Eren was currently draped across Levi’s lap, snoozing – his excuse being that he could barely sleep when Levi wasn’t there. Levi took the chance to go through his notes from class without any distractions from the loudmouthed brat. When Eren blinked twice and looked up at him, Levi spoke,

“Have you considered taking all your notes and lists down from your walls?” Eren furrowed his eyebrows, but Levi continued. “Being surrounded by all of this probably won’t help your mindset. Seriously, over there.” He pointed the right-hand corner. “You’ve written how many people you’ve coerced into doing various things in one week, and then set yourself a target for the next week. That’s definitely not going to aid in reducing your stress levels.”

They’d briefly talked about why Eren was so stressed all the time, and had come to the conclusion that his condition could be helped if he stopped putting so much effort into manipulation. He could trick people into liking him, loving him, following and admiring him by using all the techniques he’d learnt and honed over the past year – but putting extra pressure on himself to control everyone might be something he could cut down on.

_“Ew, but I’ll have to buy my own lunch.”_

_“You’re unbelievable.”_

Levi had suggested that while testing his friend’s loyalty to him once in a while might be fine – constantly flexing his control over them is tiring him out and causing him more stress.

Eren looked troubled at the proposition.

“You still have your notebook.” Levi reasoned.

Eren felt his phone vibrate on his bedside desk. He looked at his phone, then back at Levi, then back at his phone, then back to Levi. Levi did not look impressed, but he reached over and picked up his phone all the same.

“Brat.” He muttered under his breath, swatting Eren lightly on the forehead.

But Eren knew that Levi did these things because he wanted to, and that knowledge made his brain _sing._

**1 New Message.**

**From Armin:**

_Mikasa and I are worried because you haven’t been in for two days, so we’re coming over to check on you. You’re in 104 in the Recon Corps, right?_

Eren’s heart jumped into his throat and his whole body tensed.

Fuck.

“You could just not answer the door.” Levi commented, dryly. “But I do think you should let them. Take down all of the lists on the wall, let them dote on you and let them tell you what’s going on back on campus.”

Levi had a point, of course, but it didn’t stop Eren’s heartbeat quickening in apprehension.

“Come on,” Levi’s voice was more demanding. “Take everything down and put it in my bag, I’ll dump them in the trash on the way out.”

He really left no room for arguments, and Eren was dumbfounded that Levi was being so kind to him. It was a small piece of heaven amidst the downward spiral of hell that was Eren’s life recently.

Eren nodded, and rolled off of Levi’s lap to stand up. Tapping out a quick response to Armin, he padded over to the nearest wall, looking up at the lists decorating it. He didn’t want to take them down. They were important. He hated any form of changes to his routine too, how weird was it going to be when he woke up in the morning to deafeningly bare walls? Levi appeared at his side and regarded him carefully.

Slowly, Levi raised a hand and ripped down a list of things to say to make people laugh in Comms seminars. Eren almost felt the tearing noise reverberate in his chest.

“You need to make a conscious effort to change, Eren.”

He fucking knew that! That’s how he became this person in the first place!

Levi ripped another piece of paper from the wall, this time a profile sheet on a professor named Nanaba. Research on gender-fluidity was painstakingly written on there to help Eren understand why one week they were female and another week they were male. Nanaba had personally thanked Eren for being so understanding.

Eren gritted his teeth and carefully picked at the blu-tac sticking a list to the wall in front of him.

He needed to make a conscious change.

He pulled the sheet of paper from the wall and started on the one next to it.

Mercifully, Levi said nothing about the lists and notes that were dedicated to him. He didn’t read them at all, keeping his eyes fixed on something else as he tore them from the walls, pulling off paint as he did it.

Soon enough, the walls were naked and Eren didn’t quite know how to feel about that. Levi took the small pile of papers from Eren’s clenched fist and stuffed them into his bag before turning back to face him. Eren was almost a trembling ball of nerves. The stress of having two new people in his room, plus the recent events was clearly getting to him.

Levi hoisted his bag up onto his shoulder.

“Remember. Although it’s not the real you that they like, they like it enough to not leave you. They might not give you all their love, all the time, but you _can’t_ realistically expect that from them. Okay?”

Eren nodded, biting his lip. Levi sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Man the fuck up, brat. Put your act on and own them again. Just no more manipulating.”

Eren nodded again with more conviction. But something settled uneasily in his gut.

“But…” He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “What about you?”

Levi raised an eyebrow, silently demanding an explanation.

“Manipulating…”

Confusion flashed in Levi’s steely eyes, but his face stayed the same.

“My manipulation isn’t detrimental to my health.”

Eren lowered his eyes, feeling stupid. Just because he was going to try to stop controlling people, where did he even get the notion that Levi would stop too? He was being ridiculous. Levi was still going to fuck people; fuck _with_ people – and that shouldn’t have anything to do with Eren. But why did it sit so uncomfortably with him?

“Alright, I’m going. You’d better go to class tomorrow, you little shit – and don’t think for a second that I won’t find out.”

And within five minutes of Levi leaving, there was a sharp rap at the door signalling Armin and Mikasa’s arrival. Eren took a deep breath and wiped his suddenly clammy palms on his sweat pants.

He gently opened the door to reveal the two of them, bundled up in coats and scarves, and carrying two plastic bags each. Eren eyed the bags in confusion as he invited them in.

“I was asked to give you these.” Explained Armin, breathlessly, handing both of his bags to Eren.

Eren cocked his head sideways and Armin looked at him incredulously.

“Eren…it’s Valentines day?”

Huh?

Was it?

Well, fuck.

Mikasa held up one of her bags.

“The girls in Comms gave me these for you.”

Eren gestured at the other bag in her hand.

“And those ones?”

Mikasa looked away and pulled her red scarf up to cover the pink tinge rapidly staining her pale cheeks.

Armin spoke for her.

“They’re all for her. From both boys and girls.”

He leant forward slightly, a knowing grin on his face.

“The biggest present was from Annie Leonhardt.”

Mikasa’s face was very closely resembling a tomato when she slapped Armin’s shoulder.

“It’s not the biggest! And it was Reiner that gave it to me…”

“Yeah, from Annie though.”

Eren watched the back and forth between the two with a forced smile on his face. His mind was working in overdrive. He didn’t want other people showing interest in his friends, it was bad enough that Jean and Marco had already-

No. He needed to stop thinking like that.

“But, speaking of which…” Armin’s voice brought Eren out of his thoughts. “Eren, are you…?” He faltered and lowered his gaze.

“Let’s sit down, Eren must still be tired.” Mikasa took control.

Eren and Armin sat on the bed and Mikasa perched on the chair by the small wooden desk. Eren took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for what Armin might say.

“What happened yesterday? We heard that you ran out of the cafeteria looking really sick after Marco told you he was dating Jean. They were seriously worried. A lot of people are thinking that…you’re homophobic.”

Eren blinked.

Well that wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

Homophobic?

So no one had figured out that it was Eren who’d started the rumours, and no one had realised exactly how messed up and twisted he was – but somehow they’d come to the conclusion that he left because he was homophobic?

“Eren?”

Armin regarded him apprehensively and Eren shook his head, trying to get his story together.

“I’m not-“ He stopped and cleared his throat. “I’m not homophobic. Seriously.”

 _‘Just ask Levi.’_ He thought sardonically to himself.

“I really have no problem with Marco and Jean being in love.” _Lies._

“And Mikasa, if Annie makes you happy, then I’d support you dating her 100%.” _Lies again_.

“The main thing is that I want my friends to be happy.” _Almost true._

Eren chewed his bottom lip in thought, choosing his words carefully.

“When I heard what people had done to Jean and Marco, for such a pathetic, disgusting reason…as if the rumours weren’t enough…I felt physically sick, you know?”

Mikasa and Armin nodded grimly.

“And everyone in the cafeteria was watching us…scrutinising us so closely that I felt really trapped and I had to get out.” Eren brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his head. “I’ve really not been feeling good recently, and it all kinda got to me.” Armin could attest to that, since he'd caught him throwing up that one time. And everyone could see that Eren had been under the weather recently, so it was probably a decent enough excuse.

He glanced up to see understanding wash over his friends’ faces. Armin seemed to sigh in relief.

“I took the day off today to recover properly so I can face all of this shit with a clearer mind. So I can help Marco and Jean as much as I can when I’m feeling better…”

Armin smiled.

“Of course. I knew it had to be something like that. And just so you know, Eren, we never doubted you.”

Eren gave him a truly thankful smile in return.

“Thanks, Armin.”

He turned to Mikasa, waggling his eyebrows.

“So, Annie Leonhardt, huh?” Eren grinned at the way Mikasa’s whole body suddenly tensed.

 

Mikasa and Armin stayed in Eren’s room for a few more hours, sharing out Valentine’s Day chocolate between themselves and talking about various things. Eren slipped back into his usual act with ease, finding it less and less taxing to keep up. But even so, his mind couldn’t help drifting back to the Jean-Marco, and now more recently, Annie-Mikasa situation.

Levi was right, Eren _knew_ Levi was right – that it was impossible to expect every single one of his friends to value him above all other living beings in their respective lives, but something inside Eren just didn’t want to settle for any less. The feeling of being second best, coupled with a feeling of abandonment was just too much.

It was even worse for Eren, _because_ he put this façade on every day. Generally, if a part of someone’s personality was disliked, it was treated as something that “can’t be helped” since that’s the way they are. In Eren’s case, he had carefully sculpted out his personality traits, matching them to those of the people around him and tweaking his act to compliment others. If people didn’t like him, if people _left_ him – it was an insult to all the crippling hard work he’d put into himself. He tried so hard constantly, but if his friends abandoned him in the end anyway, what the fuck was the point?

No one liked his true self. No one could stand his true self, except Levi.

If people didn’t even like his _fake_ self, where would that leave him?

But he had to remember – for human beings, branching out, expanding their networks, falling in love and dating was normal. It didn’t mean they hated him. It wasn’t a personal front him. _Just because they didn’t love Eren the most, it didn’t mean they didn’t love Eren at all._

Eren’s head pounded with all the thoughts racing around his head like a beehive. It had always been “all or nothing” for him, ever since he was young. People were either good or evil. There was only ever black or white – the millions of shades of grey that other people seemed to see in between were just lies that they could wrap themselves up in to hide from the truth.

But Levi was right, he needed to somehow loosen the death grip he tried to hold over all his friend’s lives. He understood that but…

Eren couldn’t help suddenly smiling despite himself, tuning out Armin and Mikasa’s conversation completely. Even though neither of them had noticed, he’d just spent most of Valentine’s Day with Levi. The thought of it alone made Eren’s heart speed up like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Gross.   

 

As Eren waved goodbye to his friends with a promise to sleep well and be in class on time tomorrow, he felt slightly better. Of course the constant pressure to act was always going to be present – but despite that, he felt a tiny bit more optimistic about the future.

Even more so when he checked his phone before bed to see a new text from Levi.

 

_‘Happy Valentine’s Day, you piece of trash.’_

Eren slept with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More on the JeanMarco Fiasco next chapter, I'm sorry for the pitiful length of this :(
> 
> I'm going to try and angle the story upwards slightly - but I do want to take some time right here to stress that there are a lot of people with the same kinds of problems as Eren in the world, and meeting "the one" (if Levi can even be called that) won't "cure" them. For a lot of people, the constant acting, stress and pressures never, ever lessen and there is no such thing as a happy ending.  
> I'm still planning the ending to this fic, but I can't help thinking that a '100% everyone is happy' ending is way too unrealistic.  
> We'll see how it goes, I guess. I'll do my best not to disappoint though.
> 
>  
> 
> Self promotion time! :D
> 
> I am tracking these tags 
> 
> fic: lists  
> trickfantasy 
> 
> Also talk to me on:
> 
>  **Tumblr:** trickfantasy  
>  _(If you follow me, you are required by LAW to reblog all my selfies, sorry I don't make the rules.)_  
>  **Snapchat:** ksaralpaca _(I will spam the fuck out of everyone and anyone, but I'm funny sometimes, and I'm also cute as hell so it balances out?)_
> 
> I'm sorry for this chapter, I am trash.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not going to lie to you, Eren – the fact that obeying me means so much to you is perfect. I love it. But I don’t want you to fuck yourself up just trying to please me. Believe it or not, I actually almost slightly kind of care a bit about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Grade A Piece Of Shit Trick_Fantasy here, nice to see you all again.  
> Thank you so much for being patient with me as I was taking forever to write this piece of trash - I especially apologise to people on Tumblr who I told I was going to try and update before (last) Friday. Long story short, I'm a total failure, this chapter took forever and it's not even that good. I'm really sorry.
> 
> Now the apologies are out of the way, on to the Thank Yous!  
> Thank you so much each and every person who has left Kudos on this weird little fic, who have stuck with each ridiculous chapter and haven't started hating Eren (or me) yet. Thank you so so SO much to everyone who has commented, every word means so much to me - there is nothing that makes me happier than reading those comments. (Except cold, hard cash - but we're speaking metaphorically here.)
> 
> People who follow me on tumblr or allow me to snapchat them hideous pictures of my face, my alpacas, my baking and my dog - thank you for putting up with my bullshit. 
> 
> Now on to the chapter!

The following day, while lying bleary-eyed in bed _way_ past midday, Eren decided it would be a good idea to invite Jean and Marco over to his room for pizza, movies and bonding. After tapping out a text to the both of them and hauling himself in and out of the shower, he sat down at his desk and to write a list in his notebook. Levi might have taken his lists down from the walls, but there was no way to quench the burning need Eren felt in his stomach to write more anyway. He needed lists to keep his thoughts and actions in order. And right now, he needed to write possible lines to say to strengthen his friendship with Jean and Marco.

It took him about an hour to acceptably tweak his script, and during that time he’d received a text from Marco informing him that they’d be over at 5. There was nothing off or unusual about his typing style, so that was a relief at least.

Even though he’d promised Mikasa and Armin that he’d go to class today, he’d woken up with his alarm, thought “fuck it” and gone back to sleep. Eren just didn’t feel up to it at all. It was a dangerous attitude, considering exams were less than a month away but he seriously just couldn’t bring himself to care.

Eren looked at the clock on the desk. It was just coming up to 4pm. He’d literally slept most of the day. After so long of not being able to sleep peacefully, it felt like heaven.

It was probably a good time to order the pizza, Eren thought to himself, fumbling for his phone which had somehow lost itself under the blankets of his unmade bed. After snatching it up from the sheets, he quickly smoothed them out – remembering that Levi didn’t like unmade beds. If Levi were here right now, he’d definitely complain. Eren smiled fondly.

He was halfway through dialling the number for Dominos before his fingers paused on the keypad and he stopped for a second, biting his lip. Instead of calling for the pizza, maybe he should walk down there and pick it up instead…? That way, there was an 80% chance he could gently bribe, sweet-talk and coerce his way to a discount – or possibly free pizzas. He’d done it before.

But wait, no – _no, no, no, no_ ; Eren shook his head violently, as if to clear the thoughts from himself completely. He was supposed to be reigning in the manipulation - Levi had said that he shouldn’t do it anymore. Eren knew it was an unhealthy obsession and that it was taking over his life – but it had become like second nature to him now.

But no, Levi had said- Levi had _ordered_ him to stop. He had to stop.

Eren forced his fingers to tap out the last three digits and press the call button. He took a deep breath and tried his hardest to prepare himself for change.

 

Flawlessly, Eren remembered that Jean preferred barbecue sauce instead of tomato whereas Marco liked to have a stuffed crust that he could dip into separate sauces – so he ended up ordering a half and half pizza to cater to the both of them. He reeled off his address and room number and hung up – his eyes making one last sweep of his room to check for anything incriminating.

“Maybe I should text Levi and tell him what I’m doing? Maybe he’ll be proud of me for actually paying for this pizza…” Eren mumbled to himself and he smoothed out his bed sheets again. It would make Levi happy if he knew that Eren was doing as he was told, right? After all, it’d been ages since Levi had praised him at all…

Eren felt his cheeks warm slightly. It was honestly a little unnerving how attached to Levi he already was. Was he really okay with giving up manipulating, something he’d spent ages working on and perfecting, just because Levi told him to? Eren frowned to himself, his eyebrows furrowing. But Levi was the only person truly tolerating him for who he was…Surely his opinion was important?

Of course it was important, or else he wouldn’t be straightening out his bed sheets for the seven-thousandth time just because that’s the way Levi would like it. But there must be a difference between valuing a friend’s opinion and feeling like performing an ecstatic song and dance number just at the idea of pleasing him.

_‘Ah, but Levi gets this perfect satisfied glint in his eye when I do something right…’_

Eren couldn’t help but let his thoughts wonder, the tips of his ears tingeing pink as his mind delved into memories of their nights together – of their fleeting trysts. The way Levi’s breath would hitch, the way his fingers would rake through Eren’s hair. Most importantly, the way his words were growled out, voice wrecked and feral, when he called Eren a ‘good boy.’

Eren bit his lip, his stomach twisting in arousal. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to want to please Levi. Levi rewarded him for it, and it always made him feel special and wanted. Like he was worth something. That couldn’t possibly be detrimental…

A sharp series of raps at his door wrenched Eren out of his musings and firmly deposited him back in the real world. He stood up and took a deep breath, striding the three steps to his door. It swung open to reveal a beaming Marco and a slightly more uncomfortable looking Jean.

“We brought beer!” Marco chirped as they crossed the threshold into Eren’s apartment.

Eren plastered his usual grin back on his face and stepped back to allow them both easier entry.

“Thanks for coming, guys.” The easy, light hearted tone slipped out of his mouth naturally, and Eren felt a little bit more confident as he closed the door. “The pizza should be here in a few minutes – I ordered your favourites.”

Marco placed the plastic bag of beer on Eren’s desk and plopped down on the bed, promptly creasing and ruining the pristine sheets.

 _‘A month ago, I wouldn’t even have noticed, let alone cared.’_ Eren thought to himself. ‘ _Then again, a month ago, there’d be no way in hell I’d have let anyone else in here…’_

As he turned around, Eren noticed that Jean had taken the spot next to Marco on the bed, leaving the desk chair open for him to sit on. He also noticed than Jean was still eyeing him warily. It was clear that his explanations were way overdue.

“How’s stuff going back on campus?” Eren asked as he eased onto his chair.

Marco shrugged.

“It’s not all that bad anymore. I mean, when the rumours first started circulating, yeah that was pretty crap. But now people have kinda lost interest and moved on.”

Eren let relief clearly flow over his face as Marco continued.

“We still get some weird looks in the halls – but it’s nothing any way near as serious as before.” Jean nodded, grimly. “But some of the variations of the rumours I’ve heard are hilarious. There’s the ‘crackwhore’ one, there’s the secret underground homosexual cult one-“

 _‘Hey, that one’s new.’_ Eren was almost impressed.

“Don’t forget the one about me pimping you out to old, lonely housewives.” Jean chipped in, his mood seeming to have lightened slightly.

“So…” Started Eren, teasingly, “The secret underground homosexual cult…?”

“We call it the S.U.C.H for short, Eren.” Quipped Marco without even missing a beat. When the hell did Marco even get so sassy? Eren raised his eyebrows,

“Oh, of course, yes – the S.U.C.H. What kind of activities do you participate in?”

Marco let out a chuckle.

“Oh the usual: chanting show-tune lyrics around a fire, sacrificing heterosexuals to our deity and mad, blood-soaked orgies.” The flippant, know-it-all tone in Marco’s voice had both Jean and Eren cracking up with violent laughter.

“So…so-“ Eren tried to speak in amongst his gasps for breath. “What exactly is the homosexual deity?”

Marco froze, his eyes darting around the room – clearly looking for some inspiration for what he could answer with.

“Uh….Butt…Lube…”

Jean slapped him on the shoulder, bent over laughing.

“Dude, just say Zeus!”

Marco’s eyes widened comically,

“Damn! Zeus! Yeah, Zeus! The God of uh…Butts and Lube…”

“And swans and goats?” Asked Eren, doubling over - his body shaking with giggles. ( _Manly_ giggles.)

Instantly, the atmosphere around them had turned brighter. Eren felt surprisingly comfortable with these guys – slipping into his role easily. There might be no way to ever let his true personality out around them, but maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to keep up the act forever. Jean took deep breaths to calm himself down from his laughing fit, slinging an arm over Marco’s shoulder. Jealousy twinged slightly in Eren’s stomach, but it wasn’t murderous like before.

“We’ve missed you in class, Eren. Are you coming back next week?” Jean was the first to recover.

Marco piped up too,

“I’ve been taking extra notes for you in Psych. Theory. Its only three weeks until the exam you know.” The mothering tone was back in the freckled boy’s voice.

Eren felt happiness blossom in his chest. Even though he was so worried about them hating him, Marco was still taking notes for him. Whereas a normal person might thank the heavens for blessing them with such wonderful friends, a sick, twisted part of Eren could only think,

_‘I’ve trained them so well.’_

Eren inwardly smirked, his outward demeanour betraying nothing of his true thoughts.

“Thank you so much.” He said, gratitude shining through his eyes. “I’m feeling a lot better now, so I’ll be back in class tomorrow.”

There was a sudden knock at the door, announcing the arrival of the pizza. Eren muttered a quick, “One second…” as he stood up to get his wallet and then make his way over to the door. He gave the delivery guy a winning smile, paid him and strolled back to the middle of the room with the pizza box – balancing all of the small pots of dip on top.

“Please tell me that’s garlic and herb…” whispered Marco, his eyes never leaving the pizza box. “Oh sweet Jesus…”

Jean vaulted off the bed in order to thud down on the floor next to the pizza, whereas Marco stopped to pick the bag of beer up from the desk before sitting down next to him.

“Alright, let’s dig in!” said Eren, the grin never leaving his face.

 

Eren was halfway through his second slice of the barbecue sauce pizza when he finally decided to launch his speech. He chewed slowly, swallowed and looked up at his two friends.

“Guys…” he trailed off “About what happened in the cafeteria the other day…”

Marco and Jean both looked back at him expectantly. Eren cleared his throat.

“Obviously, I want you guys to know that I don’t condone anything that’s happened to you. And that the reason I ran out that day wasn’t because of you two at all...”

“I accept you guys.” _Barely._

“I accept your relationship.” _You’re only still together because I allow it._

“I love you two no matter what. Just don’t elope together and leave me to deal with Connie alone, okay?” _I’m being totally fucking serious. Don’t you dare leave me._

Marco and Jean both chuckled, much to Eren’s relief.

“I’m dealing with a lot recently – there’ve been a couple of personal problems. And homophobia on campus was really the cherry on top of the cake.”

Marco’s eyes seemed to cloud with understanding.

“So…are you…?” He started, softly.

Eren slowly nodded.

“I don’t specifically identify as anything, but yeah. I like guys. I like girls. Hot people are hot, you know? I don’t really need to label myself, and I really don’t want other people to do it for me.”

He regarded the two of them carefully.

“I haven’t told this to anyone else.” He hissed, almost in a threatening way – but he knew how it’d be taken. It was important to make this look like a secret – to make Jean and Marco feel like they were being entrusted with something deep and personal. They’d feel special; they’d feel more of a connection to Eren. It would be another tie that would bind them, and they’d feel closer to him than the rest of their friends. Eren could already see the expression in Jean’s eyes softening; regarding him warmly.

“Of course, we understand.” Marco replied gently.

Eren felt triumphant. The crisis was averted. He’d made them forgive him, and strengthened their friendship. He couldn’t wait to tell Levi-

But wait…it didn’t count as ‘manipulation’ if they forgave him out of their own free will, right? Sure, he might have lied to them, and painstakingly analysed what he should say to them in order to _help_ them forgive him…but it couldn’t be true manipulation…right? Eren continued to try to convince himself as he chewed his third slice of pizza.

_‘Maybe I should ask Levi…’_

“I also brought season three of Game of Thrones!” Shouted Jean, cracking open another beer.

_‘Maybe later.’_

 

 

It was a new week, and Eren was stepping on campus for the first time in what felt like forever. Flanked with Armin and Mikasa on either side of him, he walked with his usual confidence. Mikasa broke off with a quick ‘see you later’ and left Eren and Armin to walk towards the Science building together.

“Are you gonna be okay today?” Armin asked as they neared the entrance. Eren grinned down at the blonde boy and hiked his bag up higher on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Catching up on the stuff I missed is the main problem.” He replied, chuckling slightly.

_‘Though I’m sure I’ll be able to find someone to help me.’_

Eren suddenly realised exactly what he’d just thought. No, he needed to stop thinking like that. He needed to stop making other people do things for him.

_‘But it’s just so easy now…’_

They waved goodbye at Armin’s classroom and Eren continued down the corridor towards his lecture hall. As he entered, he was greeted by a chorus of “Eren!” from his classmates.

He grinned around the room, exchanging greetings on the way to his usual seat next to Thomas Wagner.

“It’s good to have you back.” He said, slapping Eren on the shoulder as he sat down. Eren got his papers and pen out of his bag and beamed up at him.

“Yeah, it’s good to be back, man.” He bit his lip sheepishly and cast his eyes downwards. “I’m really worried about how much I missed though…”

Eren let his eyes convey a mixture of nervousness and embarrassment.

“Its exam season soon and I’ve missed almost a week of notes…”

He found himself laughing uneasily before he even realised what he was doing. Thomas regarded him thoughtfully.

“Come with me to one of the computer labs after class.” He started. “I’ll photocopy all my notes from last week for you.”

Eren let his eyes widen, his face a picture perfect expression of hopefulness.

 _‘What am I doing?’_ He thought, his heartbeat speeding up.

“You’d really do that for me?” The thankful smile was lighting up his features without him even meaning it to, his voice coming out breathy and grateful.

_‘I told Levi I’d stop doing this.’_

“Yeah of course, Eren. I’ll always help you out.”

Eren beamed up at him.

“Thank you so much.”

The lecture began and their conversation was cut short, but the worry swirling in the pit of Eren’s stomach didn’t stop throughout the whole hour and a half. His hand moved automatically, taking notes in a blur. The light-hearted conversation he had with Thomas as they walked to the photocopier sounded like just empty buzzing in his ears.

Levi had given him one simple order. Why the fuck couldn’t he follow it, what was _wrong_ with him?

Eren trudged towards the library, eager to read over the notes Thomas gave him when he spotted Armin coming out of his classroom, chatting animatedly with Erwin Smith.

Erwin Smith, who Eren had explicitly told him to stay away from. Even though he knew Levi hadn’t told anyone about their arrangement, Eren still found Erwin to seem inherently suspicious. With a face looking like it was chiselled from marble, _(‘those fuckin’ **cheekbones** ’_) Erwin had a constant calculating look in his eyes. As though he was analysing everyone he came across. It put Eren on edge – but that wasn’t even the point. He’d _ordered_ Armin not to talk to him, and now here he was.

Eren caught Armin’s eye from the other side of the hallway, making sure disapproval was present in his gaze. He let his eyes flick towards Erwin then back to Armin – the message he conveyed with his expression was unmistakable. Armin instantly paled and hurriedly excused himself from a now confused looking Erwin. He darted across the corridor towards Eren, rushed apologies spilling from his lips.

“Ah, I know you said I should stay away from him, but it’s just that he was talking to me about the test we did last week, and he wanted to invite me to a special advanced study group and-“

Armin babbled on, getting increasingly faster and higher in pitch when he noticed the disdain on Eren’s face wasn’t vanishing.

“-and I don’t want to be rude to him since he’s never been anything other than kind to me and-“

Eren cut him off sharply.

“It’s fine.” His tone was clipped and blunt. “I guess you can make your own decisions on who you want to hang out with.”

Armin shrunk under his gaze.

“N-no, it’s not that, it’s just that-“

“I need to go to the library, I’ll catch you later Armin.”

Eren turned to leave and Armin squeaked suddenly.

“Eren, I’m sorry!” He sounded almost on the brink of tears. Eren fought down a smirk and turned back towards him.

“I know you’re just trying to look out for me because you’re my best friend – I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Armin wrung his hands in the fabric of his sweater nervously, not daring to meet Eren’s eyes.

_‘Cute.’_

Maybe he should drag this out a little bit more, make sure it would never happen again?

“You know I only have your best interests at heart, right?” Eren said, his voice gruff. Armin nodded, still fiddling with the hem of his sweater and staring at the ground.

“I know.”

Then again... maybe he should be a little easier on Armin after all.

Eren let his expression soften as he put a comforting hand on Armin’s slim shoulder. The blonde boy glanced up hopefully.

But maybe he shouldn’t even be doing this at all. It wasn’t even midday and he was already flexing his control over his friends.

“That Erwin guy really gives me the creeps, so I just want you to be safe, okay?”

Armin cracked an apprehensive smile.

“You’re such a good friend, Eren. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Eren beamed back at him, masking his inner turmoil.

What the fuck was he _doing?_

“It’s fine. I really have got to get to the library though.”

As Armin ambled away in the direction of the cafeteria, Eren spun around and let the worry take over his face.

 _‘I can’t do this.’_ He thought. 

Eren grabbed his phone out of his pocket, tapping out a quick text to Levi.

He couldn’t even follow a simple order. He even went so far as to push Armin to the brink of tears just to exercise his control.

_‘Why can’t I stop?’_

Eren’s fingers typed furiously as he strode up the staircase to the library.

 

**To: Levi**

_Come over this evening, please._

For a second he hoped that he didn’t sound too desperate, but by the next second, he realised that he didn’t care.

Eren spent the next two hours in the library before heading to his Comms seminar. 

* * *

 

Eren paced around his room, running his hands through his hair in frustration in front of an un-amused looking Levi.

“Like seriously, what the actual fuck. Trying to keep in control of everyone stresses me out to the point of physical sickness – and now trying to _stop_ controlling everyone is stressing me out?” He threw himself on to his bed with a loud whump.

“What’s wrong with me?” Eren threw an arm over his face.

“Quite a lot, actually.” Levi remarked dryly from where he was sat on the chair. Eren groaned in response.

“Go suck a dick, Levi.”

He could almost _hear_ Levi raising one eyebrow.

“You were the one who begged me to come over.”

The brown haired boy groaned again, rolling over onto his stomach at the same time as Levi let out a sigh and leaned forwards in the chair.

“Eren, why are you so hung up over this?”

Eren stared up at him incredulously.

“Because _you_ told me to stop. It was you who said I shouldn’t do it anymore, so I’m upset because I couldn’t follow your orders.”

Understanding flashed over Levi’s steely eyes and his thin lips twisted into a devilish smirk.

“Oh really?”

Eren nodded, sighing again. Levi stood up slowly and padded the four paces across the room to the bed. Eren couldn’t help but notice that it only took him three steps, but because of the height difference it took Levi more.

 _‘Oh fuck, that’s adorable.’_ Eren had a feeling that Levi would probably punch him in the face if he ever said this out loud.

Levi’s cold, slim fingers suddenly carded through Eren’s hair causing the younger to glace up at him.

“Cute.” Levi remarked. Eren’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I like you like this. Looking up at me with those eyes.“ He elaborated. Eren blushed and bit his lip, the dark tone in Levi’s voice making his heartbeat speed up in anticipation.

“So you’re making this much effort, and causing yourself this much grief just because you want to obey my orders?” Questioned Levi, his eyes flashing teasingly.

Eren nodded again and Levi chuckled.

“Oh, you are such a good boy.”

Eren’s breath suddenly hitched in his throat, his insides twisting with instant desire. Levi’s fingernails scratched along his scalp, tugging at the chocolate brown locks.

That’s all he wanted. He wanted to be good for Levi - wanted praise and recognition from the only person he felt like himself around.

Levi’s voice came out deeper, the gravelly tone washing over Eren’s senses in the most delicious way.

“Who’d have thought you’d turn out like this? You started off as the boy who glared at me so fiercely, denying me what I wanted. A couple of months later, you’re on this very bed whimpering and writhing beneath me, a virgin _slut_ -“ Eren let out a high-pitched mewl under his breath. “And now, you’re tripping over yourself just to do as I say.”

When had Eren’s breath started coming out in short pants?

“Tell me, Eren.”

Eren’s eyes snapped open. When had he even closed them?

“If I told you to give up your act and start letting your real personality out with everyone, would you?”

It felt like a chunk of ice had settled in Eren’s stomach.

Would he?

He’d lose everything, everyone. All that he’d worked so hard to gain would disappear in the blink of an eye. No one could possibly like him for who he was – only Levi could do that. But if it was _Levi_ who told him to do something…

“I’m not going to ask you to do that, by the way.”

Bewilderment splayed over Eren’s face.

“It’s a hypothetical question. Exactly how far would you go to please me?”

How could Eren even answer that question – he didn’t even know himself. His face twisted in frustration as he felt Levi’s weight settle on the bed beside him, his hand (thankfully) not leaving Eren’s hair.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Eren – the fact that obeying me means so much to you is perfect. I love it. But I don’t want you to fuck yourself up just trying to please me. Believe it or not, I actually almost slightly kind of care a bit about you.”

Despite his heart hammering in his chest and his face feeling like it was on fire, Eren sniggered at Levi’s choice of words as the raven haired man deliberately avoided his gaze. Levi used his grip in Eren’s hair to shove the boy’s face into the mattress, but his grin didn’t fade. Levi cleared his throat above him.

“What we have is pretty good. You need someone to give up control to, and I love taking the control from you. It’s a decent exchange, okay? I’m not gonna get mad at you for not doing as I say all the time.”

“Yes you are.” Eren’s voice was muffled by the mattress his face was still squashed against.

“Yeah, you’re right, I probably will – but I’ll try not to.”

Eren tried to nod, but didn’t quite manage it so he settled for a stifled sound of understanding instead. Levi removed his hand from Eren’s hair and Eren looked up at him.

“Levi…” He trailed off nervously. “…when did you start manipulating people?”

If Levi was surprised at the question, he didn’t show it.

“I was probably about 14…maybe 15.”

“Why?”

Eren shifted so he was on his back, his head resting on the tops of Levi’s thighs. Levi sighed but kept his eyes facing forwards.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting from me. I don’t have a long and intricate sob-story like I’m sure you do.”

A mixture of hurt and panic simmered in Eren’s stomach, but he tried to ignore it. He’d never told anyone, and he doubted he ever would. The emotions must’ve flickered across his face though, since Levi sighed again and began threading his fingers through Eren’s fringe once more.

“I’m from a mostly normal family, close to Sina.” He began, chuckling lightly when Eren snuggled into his lap, getting cosy. Eren found himself wondering when exactly they’d gotten so comfortable together.

“I had a normal childhood and two normal, middle-class parents. The only interesting thing about them is that my mother used to be an Escort. I don’t even have to look at you to know what kind of face you’re making, so stop it right now.” Levi warned suddenly, and Eren smiled, the suspicious look disappearing from his face. Levi continued.

“She was a high-class escort, the kind that rich people would take to business functions and parties – that kind of thing. She could hold intelligent conversations about politics and she could play piano, and basically she was just there to be shown off as someone’s trophy girlfriend. She never had sex with her clients, but she knew how to seduce and coerce her way to money, favours, anything.”

So basically Levi now, plus a lot more actual sex.

“As I got older, she’d tell me stories of how stupid men could be. About how they seemed to think that they were the King if they managed to get a girl to sleep with them after buying them drinks or presents. She said it was ridiculous because just by being pretty and knowing exactly how much lust to put in your gaze or what to say, you could get free drinks, presents and _then_ sex out of it.”

That made sense to Eren.

“Obviously she didn’t know I was gay back then, so she meant for it to turn into a lesson on how to treat girls and not turn into an egotistical asshole myself.”

Eren let out a bark of laughter.

“Well, she done fucked up there.”

He was rewarded with a swat to the forehead and a dangerous look.

“I am incredibly lazy person. I’ve been lazy since birth. Exerting myself was dirty, and I hated it. If ever I wanted something, if I wanted to work hard for something, I’d feel determination seeping out of my pores like sweat and it was _disgusting._ I just want an easy life. So I figured I’d just start getting people to do stuff for me.”

He’d come to that conclusion so easily?

“But wait,” Eren started, “When we first met, you said something about being on a scholarship…”

Levi’s eyes flickered down at him, surprised.

“You…remembered…?” The shocked look vanished as quickly as it came. “Yeah, but how do you think I got the scholarship? In fact, how do you think I got any decent grades ever, because it sure wasn’t studying until the asscrack of dawn.”

Eren let his mouth hang open. Exactly how many dicks had Levi sucked to get here? He tried to banish the thoughts from his head.

“Keeping up ties to people was exhausting and filthy, so I started discarding everyone after I was done with them.”

And yet, here Eren was using his lap as his pillow. His chest warmed in bliss.

“So there’s my story. Not exactly worthy of an Oscar. Basically, I’m lazy, and I’m an asshole.”

Eren smirked and rolled over, stretching his body so it was draped completely across Levi’s knees.

“Yeah, I guess nothing that I didn’t already know.”

Without warning, Levi’s hand came down hard on Eren’s ass and Eren gave a surprised yelp of pain.

“Look who’s feeling snarky today.”

Levi spanked him again, raising one eyebrow when the noise that escaped Eren’s lips was one that didn’t sound even slightly like it was from pain at all. Eren’s whole body seized up in embarrassment, his beet-red face turning slightly to glance at Levi’s.

“Oh, so you like this, do you?” He growled, his voice feral as he viciously kneaded the mounds of Eren’s ass. Eren merely whimpered in response.

Levi shushed him gently.

 _“_ This will be fun _.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to anyone who might be disappointed by Levi's backstory, but I really wanted him to have a normal upbringing. I didn't want to give him a tragic backstory at all, I'm sorry if it seems boring. 
> 
> There's probably only going to be 2-3 more chapters left to this fic, and I'm currently working on the ending.
> 
> Time for some self-promotion! :D
> 
> Tumblr   
> URL: **trickfantasy**  
>  I'm tracking the tags: **fic: lists** and **trickfantasy**  
>  (The tag has a few pictures of the things I bake while I'm procrastinating writing this)
> 
> And my snapchat is:  
>  **ksaralpaca**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Eren being a fucking asshole, and Levi fucking Eren's asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, as always I apologise for the wait. 
> 
> WARNING. This story is getting more and more personal - and this chapter is HUGELY laced with my own feelings. Basic personal background story: I ended everything with my fiancée about a week ago because *ta-da* He is an abusive, manipulative asshole. Hilarious, right?  
> In order to stay angry, I wrote some of this chapter out of spite. I'm so mad that I let him control me for so long, and I'm so mad that I let myself be a doormat. Also, huge and major thank you mostly to [ Sausaged ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sausaged/) , who is not only an awesome writer and a _well of goddamn plot ideas_ but also a fucking amazing human being who put up with all of my bullshit through the breakup - and some wonderful people on snapchat who were also superduper supportive. 
> 
> I know this beginning note is gonna be long as heck, but I need to say this really quickly, because despite me **writing** about this shit, it still took me ages to do something about it.  
>  If someone makes you angry or upset, but then twists everything around to make it seem like you are a piece of fucking trash for getting upset, then forces to you apologise for your own feelings - it is emotional abuse. If they break you down, so that you second guess every thought or emotion you have, it is emotional abuse. If they make it so you need their approval to even _feel_ something, it is emotional motherfucking abuse.  
>  If they try to cut your ties with everyone around you, making you solely dependant on them, making you feel like scum for making new friends, or spending time with your family. Guess what that is? Emotional abuse.  
> If they get you into a corner, making sure you trust no one but them - even though they are the one person who is actually hurting you - it is Emotional Abuse.
> 
> And if you call them out on this, and they force you to apologise because _'they were only looking after you because everyone else is bad-bad-BAD, you can only trust them, why are you getting so worked up, how dare you get upset when all they were doing was protecting you - a normal person wouldn't get upset about this, there must be something **wrong** with you' _ \- you are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship. 
> 
> This could be a partner, a friend, a family member, whatever - you need to get out. I can't believe I stuck with this for so long. These people will not change, but they will try their damndest to change you.
> 
> So yeah. 
> 
> Here's the chapter.

Eren’s jeans were discarded completely on the floor next to the bed on which Levi was sat, a squirming Eren laid out across his lap. Levi’s eyes bore down on the trembling boy, a feral grin twisting his lips.

“I should’ve known you’d be into something like this.”

Eren only whimpered in response, his cock twitching against Levi’s clothed leg. Levi’s hand came down once more, slapping sharply against Eren’s ass – the thin material of his boxer shorts not doing much to ease the sting.

“ _Ah!”_

Levi smirked at the debauched pants and moans leaking from the younger’s lips.

“What exactly do you get out of this, brat?” He brought his hand down again, delivering four harsh slaps in quick succession. Eren’s body was twitching, writhing around shamelessly across Levi’s thighs, his hands fisted tightly in the bed sheets.

“Is it the feeling of me dominating you?”

Levi spanked him again, drawing a filthy cry from the younger boy.

“L-Levi…I-“

Levi’s other hand came up from where it was restraining Eren’s torso to roughly fist in his hair, dragging his head back to a painful-looking angle. Eren hissed and cracked his eyes open to meet his gaze hotly with Levi’s. Levi leant down gently, his lips coming level with Eren’s sensitive ears.

“Or is it the pain that gets you off?”

He tugged mercilessly on the chocolate brown locks and peppered ruthless spanks to each cheek. Eren gasped brokenly, hot tears leaking out from clenched-shut eyes. Levi frowned.

“Fucking answer me when I ask you a question.”

The unforgiving, biting sting from Levi’s hand drew a sharp cry from Eren’s wet lips.

“Ah! _F-fuck!”_

Levi raised an eyebrow.

“An answer, brat.”

Eren’s whole body convulsed with the force of the slap Levi rained down on him, the sting shooting straight to his cock, making him twitch and leak. Eren’s ass was tingling, and he knew that underneath the material of his underwear, the skin was glowing bright red – exactly like his face which was flushed and hot from humiliation. He loved it when Levi talked to him like this, loved it when Levi put him in his place. Eren’s whole body was on fire, he just wanted more, more, _more-_

Another loud slap rang out, and a choked cry was ripped from Eren’s throat.

“B-both! Both, fuck, Levi _please_ -“

Eren heard Levi let out a dark chuckle from above him and it made his cheeks flush even darker.

“Good boy.”

Eren whimpered, desperately trying to rub his clothed erection against Levi’s muscular thigh. His breath came out in strained pants, burning tears slipping from the corners of his eyes to run into his hairline – his head still forced backwards at an agonising angle.

Using the leverage in Eren’s hair, Levi shoved his face down into the mattress, his other hand yanking Eren’s underwear down and off – leaving him completely bare from the waist down. Eren let out a muffled yelp into the sheets, his hips twitching – rubbing his cock against the rough material of Levi’s jeans.

Levi brought down an onslaught of painful spanks on Eren’s bare ass, revelling in the feeling of the flesh heating up underneath his palm. Hitting at random all over his cheeks, he watched the supple skin blush and quiver after each hit. He kept his hand tight in Eren’s hair, holding his head down into the mattress and watching the boy writhe and sob.

Eren was squirming. Eren was a mess. Each spank shooting fire through his veins, the pain and humiliation of it clouding his brain and igniting his senses.

_“You look so fucking filthy like this.”_

Another searing slap, another pained cry. Eren’s cock was throbbing, his ass red hot and stinging.

_“Your whole body is blushing for me, but we both know you have no shame.”_

It was dirty and humiliating. Eren couldn’t anticipate where Levi’s hand was going to strike next, his whole ass and thighs were screaming. But Levi had no mercy. He was vicious and thorough, making sure to draw out the pain, leaving Eren breathless.

“You’re just a little slut for me, through and through.”

“Oh god, Levi, _please_ – “

Another sadistic swat to the tender sit spots on Eren’s ass.

“Please what, slut?”

All Eren could do was mewl in response, drawing in a shaking breath through his nose. The next slap came as a shock, wrenching a sharp sob from Eren’s abused throat.

“You’re making a wet patch on my jeans, Eren.”

Levi grabbed a fistful of Eren’s smarting ass-cheek, mercilessly kneading the bright red mound, drawing whimper after whimper from the writhing boy draped across his legs.

“Such a good boy.”

A breathless, shameless moan.

“Spread your cheeks for me, Eren.”

Eren’s breath hitched in his throat, embarrassment coursing through his body like wildfire. He turned his tear-streaked face to the side to meet Levi’s gaze for one smouldering second. Levi’s eyes softened and his voice came out lower, almost lovingly.

“Open up.”

There was the barest ghost of a smile gracing Levi’s perfect lips, and Eren felt his stomach twist and dance for completely different reasons. He needed this. He needed Levi.

Slowly, Eren unfisted the sheets and brought his hands back to move his sore ass apart to bare his twitching hole to Levi’s hungry gaze. Eren heard Levi’s breath catch softly and felt another wave of heat crash over his body. He trembled in anticipation.

“You’re so perfect, Eren.”

 Eren’s eyes shot open. His pants stuttering to a halt and his cheeks burning hotter than ever before. He still didn’t know how much of what Levi said was sincere, but he was _here_. He’d always been here. Even when Eren had pushed him away, and been a complete asshole to him, he’d still come back.

 “Levi…” Eren sobbed, his voice cracking.

Levi shushed him gently, the tips of his fingers fluttering over his clenching hole. Eren turned his head again to press his face back into the sheets, his heartbeat speeding up even more. Levi’s fingers danced around his opening, rubbing circles and exploring.

“How long has it been since I last fucked you?”

Eren swallowed thickly before replying.

“A…few weeks.”

Levi hummed in response, gently breaching the ring of muscles for a second.

“Then I’d better work you open again, hm?” Eren gasped hotly as Levi withdrew his fingers and flicked him lightly on the sensitive flesh. His ass was tingling, stinging in the most delicious way. It truly felt like he belonged to Levi.

“Eren.” Eren’s head shot up immediately.

“Yeah?”

“Go and get the lube from my bag. It’s in the front pocket; there should be a condom in there too.”

Eren nodded silently and moved to get up from Levi’s lap. He placed one foot tentatively on the floor, his ass smarting and legs shaking. He was so pent up it was unbelievable, his cock rock hard between his legs. As soon as he felt he was steady on his feet, Levi kicked him in the back of the leg, bringing him down to the floor with a sharp yelp.

“On second thoughts…” Eren could almost feel the sensual words dripping over him.

“ _Crawl._ ”

The order was sharp like a whip-. Eren flinched, a shot of arousal coursing through him violently. Humiliation burned over his whole body as he crawled over to where Levi’s bag was placed on his desk chair. He felt Levi’s predatory gaze on his ass and hung his head in shame, knowing how bright red it must be looking. Eren reached the chair and rose up on his knees so he could search the front pocket for lube and a…

He turned around slowly, hesitant eyes meeting Levi’s lust blown orbs.

“Can we…” He swallowed, his tongue feeling like lead in his mouth and embarrassment blistering him from the inside out. “Can we maybe…not use a condom this time?”

Levi regarded the blushing boy incredulously, taking in his glazed eyes, flushed red cheeks, perfect cock jutting out from between strong thighs…that abused ass. He was a sight to be seen.

Eren fidgeted.

“I mean…if…it’s okay with you…” He bit his lip and dropped his gaze.

There was a sudden rustling of fabric as Levi stood up abruptly, marching over to where Eren was kneeling and grabbing a fistful of Eren’s hair.

His voice came out wrecked and wild, a terrifying glint in his eyes.

“You want to feel me?” He growled out, revelling in the way the boy’s breathing sped up instantly, his cock visibly twitching. “You want to feel all of me when I’m inside you? Is that it, Eren?”

Eren whimpered, his body trembling.

“Y-yes…” He managed to gasp out, his cheeks burning hotter than before. Levi leaned down and grazed his teeth along the back of Eren’s neck, drawing another desperate gasp from the younger boy.

“You want to feel my cum inside you?”

Eren let out a choked sob, arousal and anticipation wracking his body. Levi pulled him up by the hair, the pain doing filthy things to his body, and roughly shoved him in the direction of the bed. Eren stumbled and fell face first onto the sheets, his hand still holding the lube Levi had ordered him to retrieve. Eren pushed himself up weakly so he could look at Levi.

The shorter man was walking menacingly towards the bed, a feral smirk on his face and pupils blown wide with lust. He gave Eren’s body an obvious once over and licked his lips slowly. Eren’s stomach twisted in arousal and his cock throbbed painfully.

Levi’s sinful lips shaped his next words perfectly.

“Eren…” He growled, one hand unbuttoning his shirt expertly.

“ _I’m going to fucking break you.”_

 

 

Eren ended up naked - lying on his stomach, his hands held in an iron grip behind his back, his legs pinned down by Levi’s weight. His face was pressed into the sheets, muffling his cries as Levi fucked him mercilessly with three fingers. Eren was completely trapped. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t hold on to anything. He was restrained and helpless – and all he could do was _feel_.

It was hot, it was _filthy_.

He tried to desperately rut his hips back towards Levi’s fingers, forwards to grind himself pathetically against the mattress – _anything_. He was so painfully hard, so hot, so close – hanging on the edge of bliss.

“Levi, please!”

“Oh Eren, I wish you could see yourself right now.”

Levi quickly withdrew his fingers in order to deliver one last vicious slap to Eren’s abused ass cheeks before slamming them back inside his twitching hole.

Eren cried wantonly into the mattress, a small wet patch forming under his face from where the saliva escaping his gasping, panting mouth had soaked the sheets. Levi’s fingers were ruthless, fucking into him with abandon, fucking the actual _breath_ out of him. Eren mewled, his face red and his fingers and toes curling and clenching. He was so close. Levi’s long fingers violating him, the harsh friction on his cock…

The muscles in Eren’s thighs twitched and a searing heat began to spread through him. Moan after moan slipped past his lips as his climax ripped through him brutally, Levi’s name being gasped out between filthy moans. Eren’s cum painted the sheets below him, his whole body twitching and trembling.

But Levi didn’t give Eren a chance to come down from his high. Eren was flipped over onto his back; his legs forced wide open as Levi fucked into him agonisingly slowly – inch by searing inch.

A broken cry tore out of Eren’s throat as Levi found a rhythm, his cock dragging unbearably against Eren’s clenching walls – igniting every nerve ending and sending fire through his body. Eren lay beneath him, overstimulated and sobbing – squirming and whimpering on Levi’s cock.

“Oh god, Levi, please, I can’t-“

His pliant body was twitching helplessly - pathetic, broken gasps making their way out of bitten and abused lips.

“Please, I’m too sensitive- _ah_!”

His still sore backside was chafing painfully ( _deliciously_ ) against the cum-stained bed sheets and each thrust of Levi’s cock; each growl from Levi’s lips had Eren melting in ways he had never thought possible.

“You can take this, can’t you Eren?”

He was twisting and writhing on the bed, uncontrollable bliss crashing over him with each agonising thrust. 

“N-no, I ca- _ahh_ -“

It seemed to last forever, Eren’s toes curling pitifully, the muscles in his thighs and stomach twitching as Levi slowly fucked the breath out of him. Eren’s mouth hung open; his face was flushed and eyes glazed over – saliva and tears streaking his face. Wave after wave of blistering hot ecstasy assaulted his senses as Levi violated him in the most sinful way, his own deep moans caressing Eren’s senses.

“Eren, I’m gonna come inside you.”

Eren whimpered desperately, seriously doubting his ability to take anymore.

Levi’s hips sped up, sharp gasps escaping his lips until he emptied himself inside Eren’s twitching hole with a long, low moan.

Eren could barely keep his eyes open – he lay boneless and helpless on the bed, thoroughly fucked out. His ass stung and his hole clenched around Levi’s softening length as the older man pulled out. Levi’s fingers pried Eren’s sore ass cheeks apart, watching entrapped as his own seed leaked out from the hot, contracting ring of muscles. Eren gasped brokenly, feeling the wetness seep out from inside him.

“You look so filthy right now, so perfect…”

A warm feeling of contented bliss bubbled up inside Eren’s chest.

 Levi softly, lovingly manoeuvred him onto the floor so he could remove the soiled comforter from the bed and throw it in a corner. He hastily pulled his jeans on so he could dart quickly to the dorm bathroom, and soon returned with a warm wet towel.  Kneeling down next to Eren, Levi tenderly cleaned him up, taking extra care over the painful-looking redness that bloomed on his ass. When they were both sufficiently clean, Levi retrieved a spare comforter from the closet and helped Eren into bed next to him.

_‘He’s so gentle…’_ Eren found himself thinking. _‘When did we become like this? When did I get so dependent on him – when did I start feeling so strongly about him?’_ Eren’s head reeled with questions, his heart beating agonisingly fast. And when Levi threw a protective arm around his shoulders, Eren truly felt like his chest was going to explode.

Maybe Eren really would do anything to please Levi. Maybe if Levi told him to, he’d give up his act and start being his true self. Eren frowned slightly at the thought.

“What’s wrong?”

Levi had clearly noticed. Eren let out a shaky breath.

“I was just thinking about what I should do about my friends…”

Levi turned to face him fully, lightly drawing patterns on Eren’s forearm with his fingertips. Eren continued.

“You know they’d never forgive me, right? If I told them that everything they knew about my personality was a lie. They’d hate me for lying, and then they wouldn’t trust me again. The person they know is completely fake, so why would they give the real me a chance? Especially if they knew I’ve been manipulating them.”

Levi looked thoughtful for a moment, edging slightly closer to the younger boy.

“Personally, I don’t think they’d even believe you. I think you have them so firmly under your control that they wouldn’t be able to fathom that you could possibly ever lie to them. It’d fry their pathetic brains.”

Eren smiled grimly.

“This is why I need to control them. I need them to be so dependent on me that I could do anything to them and they’d take it. I want to be inside their heads, Levi, I-“

Eren stopped and sighed. He inched closer to Levi, closing the gap between them; shuffling down on the best so he could rest his forehead against Levi’s toned chest.  

“I think I’m really sick.”

Levi moved one arm under Eren’s body so he could fully embrace him, his other hand coming up to stroke Eren’s hair lightly. He bent his head down to place a soft kiss to the top of Eren’s head – the gesture causing fireworks to explode inside Eren’s stomach, his cheeks flushing a dark pink.

_When had they become like this?_

“Just remember what I said,” Eren could feel Levi’s lips moving against his hair. “Not everyone is going to give you all of their love and attention all the time. But one day, there’ll be someone who-“

“-will drop everything just for me.” Eren finished, his heart hammering in his chest.

Levi’s arms tightened around Eren’s shoulders momentarily.

“And not because you manipulated them into doing it. But because they _want_ to.” He murmured into Eren’s hair.

 

* * *

It was Monday morning and Eren was feeling murderous. His final piece of Comms coursework was due in on Wednesday and exams started next week – but that wasn’t the thing at all. Armin fucking Arlert was, despite promising Eren that he’d stay away from him, apparently sitting in the library with Erwin Smith.

How fucking _dare_ he.

Eren had taken a break from studying in order to get some pasta from the cafeteria, expecting Armin to be there as usual. But no, Connie had said that Erwin had personally come to the table and taken Armin away. Or rather, Armin had gone willingly – but metaphorically speaking – Erwin Smith was stealing Eren’s subordinate.

Eren faked a smile to Connie and Mikasa as he pulled out his cell phone, tapping out a short text to Armin.

‘ _Heyy, where are you? I waited ages in the cafeteria for you, but I’m getting a little worried. Are you okay?_ ’

Obviously, Armin had never asked him to wait for him – but since he was blatantly deceiving him, playing the part of the concerned, worrying best friend would definitely work in Eren’s favour. Guilt tripping was Eren’s forte after all.

Eren took a bite of his pasta, though he was hungrier for a response. Mikasa put her book down,

“I think you’re too protective of Armin.” She said thoughtfully.

Eren regarded her, swallowing his mouthful of pasta.

“I’m not.” He replied.

Connie chipped in too.

“Actually yeah, you do seem to worry about him a little bit too much. He’s a big boy, I’m sure he can look after himself.”

They were seriously getting on Eren’s last goddamn nerve. Eren put his fork down.

“Guys, it’s kind of upsetting that you think this way.” He faced them both with a level look, watching with triumph as they seemed to back down a little. “I’m not overprotective at all, this is normal.”

He knew they’d take his word for it – of course they would. His word was the _fucking.law._

“It’s actually a little sad that you two don’t worry enough about him. I want to know where he is and who he’s with because he’s one of my best friends and it’s natural to show concern.”

Connie looked visibly guilty and Mikasa lowered her gaze slightly. This was seriously too easy.

“I guess, but…” Connie started weakly.

“No, you’re right.” Murmured Mikasa.

It wasn’t enough though.

“Why are you two doubting me like this? Do you…not trust my decisions?” Eren made sure to look downwards, biting his lip. He let sadness flood his eyes and briefly wondered if it was possible to get a Masters Degree in guilt-tripping. Mikasa looked uncomfortable,

“No…it’s not that at all, it’s just…”

“We’re sorry, Eren.” Connie scratched the back of his head, smiling apologetically. “I guess you’re right, we shouldn’t have accused you.”

Mikasa nodded and Eren picked up his fork again.

“I’d be the same regarding you guys. I just really care about you. Why are you attacking me for that?”

Eren pushed the pasta on his plate around with his fork, fighting down a smirk at the way Connie and Mikasa’s faces flushed with guilt.

“We’re not…”Mikasa looked down again. “I’m sorry.”

Eren took another bite of pasta, drawing it out and chewing slowly – bathing in the thick tension that surrounded the table. It was important to make people apologise for their own feelings. They had to realise that if Eren didn’t agree, their thoughts were completely invalid.

“It’s fine.” He said, letting a small smile grace his lips. Mikasa and Connie visibly relaxed, and Eren’s phone chose that moment to buzz.

It was Armin.

‘I’m sorry, I’ll be down in a second!’

Eren frowned as he tapped out his reply.

‘Meet me at the north entrance, let’s go to Starbucks.”

He really didn’t feel like eating anymore, but luckily Sasha had just waltzed in through the door. Eren pushed the plate over to her, grinning at her sudden delight.

“Oh my god, thank you!” She squealed, sitting down and digging in. Eren stood up and pointed at Mikasa and Sasha in turn.

“Comms study date, tomorrow, fourth period?”

He phrased it as a question, but it wasn’t one.

The two girls agreed and Eren bid everyone goodbye as he made his way to meet Armin.

 

The blonde boy was already waiting for him by the steps to the monorail station, a thick textbook under his arm. Armin turned to wave at him; his cheeks flushed slightly which indicated that he’d rushed here. Eren reached him and smiled,

“Since the weather is getting so much better, let’s go get a coffee and go sit in the park?”

Armin nodded, smiling, and started climbing the stairs to the monorail.

 

Eren ended up with his favourite coffee combination, 3 pumps of Almond and 2 of White Mocha, topped with caramel drizzle and toffeenut sprinkles – and Armin got a rose-petal tea. They strolled through the park until they found an unoccupied bench, sitting down and sighing contentedly.

Eren chuckled,

“You know we’re getting old when we moan when we sit down then groan when we get up.”

Armin giggled in agreement, sipping on his tea.

He seemed really happy.

The fucking slut.

Eren took a gulp of his coffee and placed a hand on Armin’s clothed thigh.

“Armin, you know I only worry about you because I care, right?”

Armin looked instantly guilty, nodding into his paper cup. He definitely knew what this was about.

“And I’m not gonna get mad at you for spending time with Erwin.” _Lies._

 “I just want you to be careful. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that you really can’t trust anyone.” _Especially me._ “Except a bare few people.”

Eren turned to Armin, a calculated amount of hope in his eyes.

“You trust me, right Armin?”

Armin chewed on his bottom lip guiltily.

“Of course, Eren.”

Eren grinned.

“You trust me the most, right Armin?”

Armin nodded fervently.

“Everyone else is bad. But I’ll always protect you. Our little group is all you need, Armin. You can always depend on me. I don’t want anyone to hurt you, okay?”

Armin’s eyebrows seemed to furrow in confusion. The boy was incredibly smart, so Eren had to be extra careful.

“But no one’s hurt me yet, Eren. So what’s wrong with me making other friends?” He asked the question apprehensively, as if it was his first time ever questioning a rule. His eyes flickered to the ground, then back up again. “I always used to be so inquisitive; I never liked being caged inside walls. I used to want to explore, and understand things for myself. Recently I feel like I’ve stopped thinking like that – I don’t feel like myself anymore. I want to branch out, Eren, I-“

Eren cut him off, barely concealed fury boiling beneath his skin.

“What are you trying to say, that I’m the one holding you back? I’m _looking after you_ Armin, because you’re my best friend.”

“I never asked you to!”

Where was this bold Armin coming from?

Eren needed to stamp it out of him.

“Yeah, but I’m doing it anyway because I care so much! Why are you punishing me for caring about you? I’ve experienced a lot in my life Armin, that’s why I want to try to stop you from making the mistakes I made.”

_‘That’s it.’_ Thought Eren. _‘Try to lord some kind of knowledge or experience over him to sway his judgment. He needs to trust me over his own feelings.’_

“You can’t trust anyone Armin, just us. I’ll protect you. Why are you even getting so upset over this, a normal person would be _happy_.”

That got Armin. He visibly shrunk, his fingers trembling around his paper cup.

“A…normal person?” He whispered, his voice high-pitched and fragile.

“Yeah.” Eren bit out, taking an angry swig from his cup – the violent motion causing Armin to flinch backwards slightly.

“You’re overreacting.” He growled, “A normal person would be glad to have someone that cares about them so much. No one else will look after you like we will, Armin – you need us.”

_You need me._

It went unspoken, but the meaning was definitely there.

Armin looked down, and Eren could see the cogs turning in his sharp mind. He was clearly repeating Eren’s words in his head, second guessing every thought he’d ever had. Once he understood that the way he was thinking was wrong, Eren would have him exactly where he wanted him.

“Armin…” Eren’s voice softened, taking the cup out of Armin’s hands and placing it next to his own on the bench. He laced their fingers together gently, coaxing Armin to make eye contact.

“It really makes me sad when you’re upset.” Hilarious, since Eren was the one making him upset. “I don’t mean to confuse you, or make you sad. You’ve mistaken all of my actions up until now.”

A jab at Armin’s intelligence; the one thing that set him apart from everyone else and gave him his identity. Eren would break him down.

“I didn’t mean to upset you at all, so misreading my words and getting angry at me is a little selfish, don’t you think? Why didn’t you think about my intentions first?”

Armin’s mouth dropped open, and his eyes welled up with tears.

“I’m sorry…”

His eyes flicked to the side, then back again.

“I guess…you’re right… I shouldn’t have gotten upset.”

Eren smiled at him, and then let the grin widen across his face when he saw how relieved Armin looked that he’d seemingly forgiven him.

“If you ever think that I’ve said something cruel, or mean to you – I want you to remember that it’s never my intent. If you ever get upset at something I say or do, you’re wrong, okay? Because that’s not what I wanted.”

Armin nodded slowly, a tear slipping from his bright blue eyes.

_‘You’re not allowed to have feelings that I don’t approve of.’_

Armin brought a hand up to wipe the moisture away.

“I’m sorry, Eren.”

_‘How did I become this person?’_

He’d tried getting angry and warning him already, and it hadn’t worked – so Eren tried a different approach.

“You can hang out with Erwin if that’s what you really want.” Armin’s eyes glittered with hopefulness. Eren continued,

“If what you want is to worry me all the time, when all I want is for you to be safe – I guess I’ll just have to deal with that. Because I just want you to be happy.”

Something clearly broke inside Armin. Submission etched itself all across his delicate features and guilt flooded his expression. It was both beautiful and disgusting, the way Eren was playing him. What the fuck was he doing?

Armin was intelligent – scarily intelligent. He’d clearly possessed an inquisitive mind from an early age, questioning everything around him. Eren needed to stamp it out of him so he wouldn’t go wandering. All he’d ever need was Eren.

‘ _What am I doing?’_

Eren picked up his coffee cup and stood up, stretching his back out as he did it. Armin’s phone buzzed in his jeans pocket, startling the smaller boy. Armin reached for it and unlocked it,

**_1 New Message – Erwin Smith_ **

clearly lighting up the screen. Eren watched out of the corner of his eye as Armin nervously chewed his bottom lip before deleting the notification with trembling fingers. He looked up at Eren with timid eyes.

“Do you want to come and study at my dorm, Eren?” He asked shyly.

Eren let a warm smile decorate his face, all of the previous coldness completely gone from his expression but a heavy, sickening feeling settling in his stomach. Guilt.

“Of course.” He turned fully towards him. “Let’s go.”

As Armin put his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his book and cup, Eren retrieved his own phone from his jacket. He quickly unlocked it and opened his conversation with Levi.

_‘My last lecture finishes at 5 today, what are you doing then?’_

He had only just replaced his phone in his jacket pocket when it vibrated, signalling Levi’s response:

_‘Studying with Petra.’_

Eren wrinkled his nose as he tapped out his reply.

_‘Come over instead? I really need you.’_

Eren and Armin began walking back in the direction of the dorm buildings, the atmosphere between them still slightly tense. Eren had Armin exactly where he wanted him, but he was seriously starting to question his own sanity. How fucked up was he becoming?

Eren’s pocket buzzed once more. A last message from Levi; just one word:

_‘Sure.’_

Bliss coursed through Eren’s stomach – Levi was passing up his own life and his own friends in order to look after Eren.

Eren pretended to be interested in whatever Armin was saying as his mind reeled with different thoughts and feelings.

Was it even possible for him to give up his control over his friends? Would he ever be able to relax around anyone other than Levi?

It was fucking ridiculous, his manipulation of the people around him had gone past his original self indulgence and fear of people leaving him – it had become cruel. Eren had crossed the line with Jean and Marco, and now he was trying his best to fuck up Armin’s life too. When did he become this person, how had he turned into this? Surely his friends weren’t going to leave him – _Levi had said that they wouldn’t._

If anything, he could trust Levi, right?

This needed to stop.

Eren swallowed the panic bubbling up in his throat and laughed along with Armin at something the blonde boy had said.

This is the last time, Eren promised himself. Tonight he was going to write new lists. He needed to stop himself before he became a monster.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided on an ending, I can tell a good 50% of you won't like it but my fic, my rules, y'all can suck a dick.
> 
>  
> 
> I DON'T MEAN THAT OMG, I actually love all of you so much, I'm so so so happy that you guys have come this far with me - and all the wonderful comments, tumblr asks, snapchats and kudos mean so much to me - y'all only need suck a dick if you really feel like it. In which case, you go to _town_ on that dick yo.
> 
> About two more chapters left, wish me luck!  
> Thank you all again so much for the support and comments, you mean so much to me.
> 
>   **Self promotion!**  
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> Thank you for reading everyone!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SORRY.

Eren and Armin studied their separate subjects in Armin’s small dorm room, hunched over a low table. Eren’s mind was barely on his own notes at all – instead dwelling sluggishly on what kind of person he’d turned into. On his own views of right and wrong. His own humanity.

Back when he was younger, all he’d wanted was friends. But being blessed with a brash personality and strong opinions, he’d never fit in anywhere and frightened off kids his own age. He’d ended up isolated and avoided. But now? He had a good group around him. People respected him, people liked him. It might be true that they liked the personality he’d created – but keeping that up had become second nature and not so much of a problem, but the constant manipulation?

Surely he’d be fine without it? Jean and Marco hadn’t left him yet…

Maybe if he let Armin get closer to Erwin- no wait, _wait_.

Armin wasn’t _his_ to control.

Eren needed to get rid of this idea that his friends were his possessions. The idea that he’d cultivated himself.

 _When had he stopped thinking of them as human_?

Eren wanted to cry.

He chanced a glance up at Armin, looking at the way his nose scrunched up as he tried to decipher the scrawl that was his own handwriting.

Armin was a person – all of them were.

He wasn’t just a puzzle to solve; to break down and crack open and see how he works. He was human, and nothing gave Eren the right to twist him the way he had been.

Suddenly Armin’s eyes were meeting Eren’s.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His voice was quite, delicate.

Eren’s throat tightened and his chest constricted.

“I’m just…” He trailed off, no longer able to keep eye contact. His feelings were everywhere and he had no control over his body. The edges of his vision blurred as his eyes began to sting with impending tears.

Armin’s hand was on his, gently removing the pencil he was clenching and laying it down on the table – and then it was back, resting on top of his. Eren stared at it, unable to look anywhere else.

Armin’s voice was soft again.

“I’m getting better at reading you recently, Eren.”

_‘No, no, no, that’s not what I want!’_

“You’re fighting a war in your own head, but it’s not real. I see you worrying about so many things – we all see it.”

‘ _No, please, stop…’_

“But I’m here for you if you need anything. All your friends will help you if you ask. _Because we want to_.”

It was that last sentence that wrecked Eren. No one had ever wanted to help him before, and the only reason they thought they wanted to now was because he’d conditioned them that way. It wasn’t him that they liked. It was a construct. Everything about him was fake and they didn’t even-

Eren finally let out a sob and slumped over the table. His tears flowed freely, dripping onto his notes and ruining the ink. The pressure on his hand disappeared but was instantly replaced by Armin’s arms draping around his shoulders.

Eren trembled with sobs,

“I’m sorry, Armin.”

He only just managed to choke the words out.

He was baring himself; his true self for Armin to see. He couldn’t control himself, he couldn’t compose himself. It was just raw _Eren_ , but Armin was still hugging him.

_Wasn’t this exactly what he wanted?_

As a fresh load of tears scorched their way down his cheeks, he decided no. It wasn’t. 

* * *

 

Eren managed to clean himself up ready to get back to his last lecture of the day. The air was crisp and sobering – the scent of the oncoming summer filling his lungs as he took a deep breath.

If Eren stopped controlling him and left him to his own devices, would Armin still be there for him? Would he drift away because Eren wasn’t firmly keeping him secured next to him?

How did friendships even work?

He took his seat in the lecture hall and did his best to concentrate, but his mind stubbornly fixated on his friendships… and Levi.

Levi who was coming over later because he’d asked him to.

Levi who he’d never successfully controlled or manipulated, but was still always there for him.

Levi, who was making his face heat up at the mere thought of him.

Eren shook his head and fixed his eyes front. Finals were soon, he needed to pass. Although a small worry had been niggling at him recently.

With his dad and sister gone, he no longer had a home to go to over the summer holidays. Exactly where was he going to go?

Eren sighed.

‘I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’ 

* * *

Levi let himself into Eren’s room a little later than Eren was expecting. Eren was lying on his bed, a newly bought paper pad laid out in front of him. He looked up and took in Levi’s dishevelled appearance. Eren scooted over so Levi could sit down too.

“When was the last time you cleaned this shit hole?”

Eren snorted.

“That’s the most Levi-like greeting I’ve ever received.” He received a glare for his comment.

“How about I kick you in the face next time instead then.” Levi grumbled, grabbing Eren’s hair and wrenching him up for a quick kiss. Eren’s cheeks flared red and his chest tightened suddenly. That was…new…

Just…kissing. Not remotely sexually. While it was rough, as kisses with Levi tended to be, it was innocent and undemanding. Their relationship had definitely changed…somehow…

Eren opened his eyes to regard the man beside him. Now he looked a bit closer, the circles beneath his eyes were darker. His skin had a slight greyish hue and his eyes were red. He didn’t smoke anything as far as Eren knew, and he didn’t have hay fever either…

“Levi, are you okay?”

Eren was suddenly serious. He’d never seen Levi anything other than angry, horny or neutral – but this kind of body language… It was something else entirely.

Levi cleared his throat. His fingers were twitching. Eren was picking up on small mannerisms, and it was ringing warning bells in his head.

“What’s wrong?”

Levi shook his head, and Eren thought that he’d never seen him look more tired than he did now.

“I’ll tell you later…” Levi brushed it off, but Eren could tell his heart wasn’t in it. He frowned. “Come on, what did you invite me over for? Or was it just because you wanted to see me?” Levi prompted.

Eren regarded him for a moment longer before deciding to leave the subject for the moment.

“I need to write new lists. I want you to help me…” Eren trailed off, but Levi gave him a rare, but tired, smile. It was infectious, and Eren found himself smiling too. He was going to change himself again.

“What kind of Lists?” Levi asked, lying down on his front so he was side by side with Eren, the notebook open in front of them both. Due to the size of Eren’s bed, it was a pretty tight squeeze. They were touching at the shoulder, arm, torso, leg – heat radiated from Levi’s body, making Eren’s heat beat faster. All he could smell was Levi and it was intoxicating. Eren coughed to compose himself, not daring to turn his head to look at Levi’s face just yet.

“I want to take the manipulation out of my life. I can handle putting up this mask all the time… I’ve grown so dependent on it. But the calculating and controlling is hurting me and my…” He paused a bit before he said the word, “…friends.”

Eren felt more that saw Levi nod.

Levi picked up a pen,

“First you need to understand exactly where you’re going wrong so you can stop, right?”

Eren murmured an affirmation.

“I’m going to write down the manipulative things I know you’ve done that are abusive. Feel free to chip in with your own, okay?”

Levi began writing a list, beginning with “Spreading rumours about friends.” Eren’s stomach churned at the memory. That was a horrible thing to have done.

The list got longer with Eren contributing.

“Shaming friends for doing things I don’t approve of.”

“Invalidating their feelings.”

“Making sure they only trust me.”

A whole sheet of paper was covered. Levi turned his head to face Eren.

“Read this list twice. Re-write it. Keep one with you at all times and stick one to your door – so every time you leave you can see it. Remind yourself that you’re not that person any more.” That he wouldn't allow himself to be that person any more.

Eren's cheeks warmed as he turned his head too, their faces so close that their noses were touching. His heartbeat sped up and his mouth went dry.

“I…you… You think I can really change?” Eren was whispering but he had no idea why. He was drowning in Levi’s eyes, still aware of the redness that encircled them.

“I believe in you, Eren.” Levi whispered back, a small smile gracing his thin lips. Eren’s face was without a doubt bright red, his heart racing in his chest. There was definitely a word for this feeling…

Levi broke the spell he was under by speaking again,

“You remember you used to write down the nice things you done and said to people in order to get them to like you?”

Eren blinked, turning his head to regard the notepad again

“Yeah?”

Levi turned the page and began writing.

“How about writing down the nice things people do or say to you even though you haven’t been manipulating them? To remind you that they’re with you for you.”

Eren grinned.

“That’s a great idea!”

If he hadn’t manipulated anyone for a whole month, but people were still with him, still being nice to him – he’d know that they weren’t going to leave him.

And…even if a few of them did…Eren had a feeling that Levi would still be there for him. Eren leaned into Levi’s body, soaking up the warmth and basking in the feeling of contentedness.

Levi was there.

He’d had plans, but he’d cancelled them to see Eren. Levi had put him first…

But something was wrong with him today. He looked tired, defeated…

“Levi…” Eren trailed off, an uncomfortable silence threatening to settle in.

“Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Eren felt Levi’s whole body stiffen next to him.

Levi let out a long sigh, but the tension didn’t leave his body. He was wound up tight, like strings on a guitar, coiled around and around - almost ready to snap.

“I suppose I’d have to tell you at some point…”

Eren rolled onto his side so he could give Levi his full attention. Panic shot through him, bubbling up in his nerves and lancing his insides. What exactly…? There was nothing else in the world but the two of them. There were no noises outside the window, none outside the door. Everything was in this room. Everything was in front of him. 

“I might be getting kicked off of my scholarship.”

It felt like all the wind had been knocked out of Eren’s lungs. The air surrounding them was thick and soupy. Hot and cold at the same time. 

“W-what?” The words were broken; sharp and fragmented – shattering into the space around them. Dread pooled in his abdomen, a thick, black boulder of it settling heavily right into his stomach. Did he hear him right? Maybe his panicked heartbeat was too loud in his ears – the sound of blood rushing through him too deafening…

Did that mean he would leave the university? No, wait - that would mean he’d never see him again. Eren’s eyes were wide with repulsion, what the _fuck_ was going on?

The chill of horror began to boil in his stomach, firing up and becoming something else entirely. Pure, misplaced anger heated Eren’s veins, and he didn’t know where to direct it – who was he angry at, why, why, _why-_

“What did you do?” His voice was low and guttural, the atmosphere between them turning hostile in a matter of seconds. It crackled with electricity, igniting _fear, panic, rage_ -

Levi chuckled humourlessly, looking more beaten than Eren had ever seen him. He felt like choking.

“My final grade is made up of 50% my final exam, and 50% written thesis.” Eren tried to nod in understanding, but barely managed a downwards twitch – the scowl not leaving his face. _What has he done, why has he done this,_ “Well I gave in my first draft and shit blew up.”

Eren gritted his teeth,

“What the fuck do you mean?”

Levi’s eyebrows knitted together, his words coming out harshly.

“I got busted. I had Auruo do the whole thing for me. Turns out, he’d pretty much just given me an almost identical copy of his. We’re both getting investigated.” He let out a short laugh, but it was definitely an attempt at masking a sob. Tears were building up in his steely eyes. Eren’s throat was tight; it felt like it was burning. They were both burning; threatening to combust and explode, and Levi continued, his voice getting croakier as he went on,

“I manipulated my way into this University and now I guess I’m going out the same way.”

Eren had never seen Levi cry before.

He was looking at the ceiling as if he were trying to force the tears back in to his eyes, but to no avail. They slipped down his cheeks, drawing tracks down his face - dripping from his chin onto Eren’s bed.

What was Eren feeling?

He was angry. _Livid_. All this time Levi had been pestering him to give up manipulation because it was detrimental, and he went and got himself in this kind of mess? _Fucking hypocrite_. And if he got kicked out, what would Eren do? He remembered back to the week when Levi was refusing to talk to him. There was no way he could survive that hell again. Eren wrung his fingers together over and over _and over_ again, trying to process this, trying to make sense of it. He couldn’t survive on his own, not without Levi – never without Levi-

Levi opened his mouth and his voice cracked. His lip was trembling, he looked so _ruined_ -

“Eren, say something…”

He’d never looked so weak before. Tears threatened to build up in Eren’s own eyes as panic shot through him in repeated bursts.

“You can’t…” Eren’s throat was closing up. “You can’t…”

His heart was hammering rapidly in his chest.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me again.”

He knew it was the worst thing to say the second he said it, and Eren watched as the agony on Levi’s face twisted into rage.

“You think I _wanted_ this? Why are you making this about you!?”

He shouldn’t have risen to it, but the fury coursing through his veins was impossible for Eren to ignore.

“It’s selfish! You’ll leave me, and Hanji, and Petra and-“

Levi slammed his fist onto the mattress, the sound dull and blunt in the room.

“Boo-fucking-hoo, this is _my_ future!”

“Yeah, and you’re fucking it up perfectly your goddamn self!”

How had they evolved from lying contentedly next to each other to sitting up on the bed, face to face, screaming? Eren’s fists were clenched so hard that his nails were biting viciously into the palms of his hands. His voice lowered dangerously.

“I thought you’d at least do your own fucking thesis. Are you stupid?”

Eren was looking down his nose at him, regarding him coldly. If there was one thing Levi couldn’t stand, it was condescension. His whole body was rigid and Eren was honestly expecting a punch any second now.

“Oh, please enlighten me, Mr Intelligent, on how many of your assignments you’ve done by yourself?” Levi’s voice had taken on an unsafe tone that made the hair on Eren’s skin stand up. Like a time-bomb waiting to explode. Eren gritted his teeth so hard it forced a grotesque sound out into the open – he saw Levi’s eye twitch at the noise.

“That’s different.” He ground out.

“Oh really?” Fresh tears escaped Levi’s eyes. If those eyes were a storm, those tears were the swollen river – bursting their banks and swallowing all in their anguish. “Last I checked it was the same fucking-“

“After telling me to stop manipulating... So many fucking times you told me to! And I was trying! Not just for me or my friends, but for you too!” The rage was back. Not the simmering under the skin kind, but the pure, unadulterated form. “And you said it yourself. Your manipulation isn’t detrimental to yourself. So I didn’t say anything, even though I _hated_ it.”

Levi jerked back in surprise.

“You what?”

“I hated it!” Yelled Eren, angry that he even had to spell it out. “You, using your body to get your way! I don’t know what you’re doing with who, I’m always worrying that you might be…” He broke off with a sob. What was he saying? He had no legitimate claim over Levi’s body and he knew it. He knew it and it _killed_ him. Eren shook his head, trying to hastily switch subjects. He couldn’t, not now, not when he hadn’t even given these feelings a proper name yet, not when he was so close to losing him,

“But you said…You said that it was fine, and I _believed_ you.”

And now…

He hung his head in humiliation and anguish.

“Eren…” Levi rasped, “I can’t just stop…”

Eren’s head shot up again.

“Well what the fuck do you think I’m doing here!?” Levi immediately looked like he regretted what he said, his hand coming up instinctively to grab Eren’s shoulder. Eren slapped it away, trying to ignore the sudden look of hurt on Levi’s face.

“I’m doing my best!” Why was he crying so hard? “I…I can’t loose you…”

It felt like he was naked. Bare. Showing way too much of himself.

“Eren, I’m sorry…”

Eren let out a broken sob.

“Apologise to yourself. Like you said, it’s your future.”

He didn’t have the energy to slap Levi’s arm away when it tried to gently snake around his trembling shoulders. Eren heaved a shuddering sigh and let his wet, tired eyes meet Levi’s.

“What’s going to happen?” He asked in a small voice. He let himself be drawn into an embrace.

“The exam board are looking over both of our essays, and we’ll both be called in for separate interviews. They need to work out whether it’s true plagiarism, coincidence or something else. Then they’ll make their decision.” Levi sniffed, his whole body fluttering with grief. “Of all the things I thought would ruin me…” He shook his head pitifully.

Eren spoke from where his head was buried in Levi’s chest, his croaky voice coming out muffled.

“Quit manipulation, Levi. Give it up with me…”

‘ _Please,’_ he thought, his eyes stinging with the threat of fresh tears.

“What’s the point?” Spat Levi, “It’s too late, now I’ve fucked it all up.”

Eren whimpered,

“Levi…”

Levi sighed, his hand resting in Eren’s hair.

“I…fine…”

Eren hugged him tighter.

“But it’ll be more difficult for me. I’ve been doing this a lot longer…”

Eren nodded into his chest. His voice was shaky when he spoke,

“And…don’t…” He trailed off, losing confidence – his face getting hot and heart beating faster. He’s crumpling, he’s breaking, and it was all Levi’s fault. “D-don’t…sleep with anyone else…”

Levi was silent for a moment. But then,

“I wasn’t going to anyway.”

Bliss clawed its way through the torture in Eren’s chest. Like a flower blossoming around a gaping stab wound, attempting to knit the skin, _the hurt_ , back together. But he wasn’t finished,

“A-and…you have to do all your assignments properly from now on.”

Levi chuckled, his voice still thick from crying.

“If I’m lucky enough not to be kicked out.”

“And you have to buy me pizza.”

“What?”           _He just couldn’t understand it…_

“And stay here.”  _...it was stupid…_

Levi froze.              _...unbelievable…_

Eren reiterated,     

“Tonight. Sleep here tonight.”

Levi smiled into Eren’s hair.

“Alright.”

_…how hard Eren had fallen for him._

 

 _“Don’t leave me, Levi.”_  

* * *

 

The next few days were a blur of stress and worry. Will the decision be made soon? Today? Tomorrow?

What was happening?

Eren’s head was a beehive of nervousness every waking moment, but Levi was much, much worse. The redness around his eyes never faded, his whole body was heavy, _black_ , filled with tar, coal, thick sludgy _oil_ that dampened him and ruined him.

Eren tried to keep his spirits up, sending him texts to remind him to study, to go to lectures, to eat. He’d never have imagined that he’d end up taking care of someone like this. But then he’d also never have imagined he’d ever feel this strongly for another human being.

His first exam was two days away, but most of his attention was on Levi. Study sessions with Jean, Connie and Marco were punctuated by texting Levi under the table, he’d leave Mikasa’s house early to bring Levi home-cooked food.

It took his mind off of his friends though. He was so wrapped up in looking after Levi that he didn’t keep track of his friends 24/7 – Armin could be with Erwin right now, Sasha could be having a pizza party with Mina Carolina, but Eren didn’t mind. His sole focus was whether his dark-haired, short man was still functioning, still breathing. Then secondly, his upcoming exams. Although the thought of what he’d do come summer break was still daunting, he’d pushed it far to the back of his mind. Levi came first. Levi had helped him so much, so he was going to help him too.

And  not because he had an ulterior motive. Because he wanted to.

This way of thinking was a huge change in Eren, and it made him happy.

 

The next night, after his before bed phonecall with Levi, Eren opened the last page of his new notebook – finding a fresh, clean page. This was going to be a new list for his eyes only. No one else would see it, it would be a secret. He wrote with fervour, his brain working too fast for his hand to catch up.

1)    Pass my exams

2)    Help Levi pass his

3)    Be more comfortable around friends

4)    Stop manipulating for good

5)    Figure out where I can live over summer break

6)    Decide who to room with next year

It seemed like a good list. Exams, friends, manipulation, Levi. As soon as exams finished, he could start asking around to see who could room with him for the upcoming year. Only first years were allowed in the halls or dorms – everyone else were left to their own devices to come up with their own accommodation. The list encompassed all the most important things.

Except…

Eren chewed his lip nervously.

There was one last thing.

It was humiliating how shaky his hand was as he put pen to paper one last time. The letters didn’t want to be formed; the ink dragging sluggishly across the pad. But then it was finished. He’d written it. Right at the bottom of the page, possibly never to be crossed out. But it was there.

Eren’s heartbeat didn’t stop racing for a good twenty minutes afterwards.

He entered a fitful sleep. 

* * *

 

Eren woke up to a notification on his phone; a text from Levi. Outside was barely light; he could hear feint sounds of the world beyond his window waking up. Bleary-eyed, he clumsily grabbed for his phone – unlocking it and opening the text. He read it with one eye open.

“My interview with the exam board is today.”

The other eye shot open as well.

His fingers flying over the touch screen, Eren composed a quick message back.

“Are you awake?”

The reply came almost instantly.

“I haven't slept.”

And with that, Eren flew out of bed. He tripped over the bed sheets that piled on the floor in his haste to pull on pants. He grabbed his revision notes for his first exam this afternoon, slung his bag over his shoulder and left the room.

Levi needed him, and he would be there.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its about 2000 words shorter than my usual, but it was necessary. I'm just getting back into writing, I need to do this slowly. So there will probably be another 2 chapters before the end, literally just because they'll be smaller.
> 
> I'm with this story til the end, I'm sorry to everyone who waited so long for this piece of crap update. We in this together.
> 
> Thank you for anons on tumblr who reminded me to write - it is NEVER a bother at all, in fact, constant prompting is what I needed. Thank you thank you thank you. 
> 
> This WILL get finished.
> 
> My tumblr is trickfantasy btw
> 
> (legit, the only reason this chapter got written was bc of rennbutts on snapchat i'm not joking much thank.)
> 
> please tell me of any mistakes, i'm going out in like 4 mins and hastily proofread it...


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi held him tighter.  
> Levi held him together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all waited almost a year for this trash chapter. 
> 
> i had an anon on tumblr yesterday who reminded me about this and i was like ok lets finish this chapter lmao

Eren arrived at Levi’s studio flat and let himself in. Pocketing the spare key he’d been given, he made his way in – finding Levi wrapped in a duvet cocoon on his bed. The room was uncharacteristically messy, shockingly so; papers, books and clothes strewn across the wooden floor.

Levi looked up with red-rimmed eyes as he entered, the dark circles beneath them stark against his pale skin. Eren felt worry twinge in his chest as he approached the bed –his bare feet padding softly on the ground, manoeuvring around the battleground that was Levi’s apartment. Eren gently placed the plastic bag of things he’d picked up from the corner shop on the way over next to Levi’s form on the bed.

“I brought you some fresh fruit and an energy drink.” He explained softly when he noticed Levi’s curious gaze. “What time do you need to leave? Do you want me to make tea?”

“Interview’s at 9.” Levi’s voice was fragile but raspy. Eren had never seen him look so defeated – like he’d already accepted his fate. It made him want to cry, but he had to be strong. They were in this together now. Eren pulled a pack of large purple grapes out of the bag.

“These are possibly the most delicious grapes in the world, they’re the best breakfast food. They’ll be good to wake you up. I’ll put the kettle on, okay?”

He had to physically put a grape into Levi’s hand and bring it to his mouth. Levi used to seem like such an unmovable entity, so strong – but seeing him like this made Eren’s heart twist.

When they’d first started this warped relationship, Eren had depended on Levi so heavily. He _needed_ him to take control away, to own him, to keep him sane. But somewhere along the line, it had become like this; Levi needing him.

Well, it always had been a mutually destructive relationship from the beginning _. Co-dependency_.

It couldn’t have been healthy – but recently...recently it was getting better. They were leaning on each other, helping one another to become better people. 

He had to wash up a mug because there were no clean ones left, but he left the kettle to boil and moved back to the bed – sitting down next to Levi who was slowly eating grapes whilst staring off into the distance. Levi looked weakly up at him,

“You’re like a housewife, huh?”

Eren cracked a smile at that and put his arm around Levi’s frail shoulders, putting on a high pitched voice.

“Oh honey, I wish you didn’t have to go to work so early every morning! But I’ll have the house cleaned and meatloaf on the table by the time you get home.”

Levi let out a breathy laugh,

“I don’t trust you in the kitchen.”

Eren feigned shock.

“Excuse you, I am a domestic goddess!”

Levi leaned back into the embrace; a simple movement that made Eren’s heart rate speed up. They settled into a comfortable silence until the screaming of the kettle punctuated it. Eren slowly got up to pour the tea,

“Why can’t you get an electric kettle that doesn’t shriek, like a normal person? It sounds like that fucking fox on my street that screams at 3am.”

Eren vaguely heard Levi chuckle as he poured the tea.

“Yeah we have a few fox choirs over here too.”

Carrying the steaming mug, Eren paced back to the bed.

“Fucking foxes.” He said.

“Fuckin’ foxes.”Agreed Levi, taking a sip. Eren looked on in awe.

“That literally just came off of the stove, how the hell do you drink that? Asbestos mouth...” He shook his head, grabbing a grape for himself. Levi swallowed visibly.

“I hear I’m pretty good with my mouth.”

Eren slapped his shoulder. Only a few months ago, he’d have been too shy, too embarrassed to act so casual with Levi. But everything had changed so quickly. Or had it changed so gradually that he hadn’t realised until now?

“Have you talked to Auruo about the interview?” Eren asked, snatching the mug for a quick sip of tea. He used to hate it black, but after tasting it so many times on Levi’s tongue he’d developed an affinity for it.

Levi nodded gravely.

“We decided that we were gonna say that we studied and wrote our essays together, so they ended up very similar. Our thought patterns are also pretty alike.” Levi smiled bitterly and took the mug back. “He’s always looked up to me, he’s always trying to mimic me or copy the things I do. Even the lecturers know that so it’s not completely unbelievable.”

Eren nodded silently, noticing how Levi’s hands tightened around the mug.

“I...” Levi trailed off, his voice sounding choked. “I also apologised. To Auruo.”

Eren’s chest tightened. That must have been difficult for him. He was proud.

“He was always looking for my approval. And I led him into this.”

“Did he forgive you?” Eren asked softly.

Levi nodded, sipping at his tea again.

“I think...” Eren chewed on his lip slightly before continuing, “That while we’re putting up a front and manipulating people, the ones closest to us somehow find a way to see through the walls we put up. Even though we try hard to create a different personality, there will always be people who are somehow drawn to our real selves.”

It was the first time he’d ever put it into words – it made it feel all the more real. More terrifying. Eren swallowed hard and went on.

“I was so controlling over my friends, I put up so many walls. But there are a few who I think managed to see through them, and actually like me for me. Like Armin, and Mikasa, and-“

“And me.” Levi cut him off.

Eren sharply sucked in a breath of air, his face suddenly heating up and his heart hammering in his chest – so hard he was sure his ribs would crack.

“And me.” Levi repeated, softer this time. “That crap never worked on me from the beginning.” He tilted his head to the side to regard Eren with tired eyes – something bare, honest and _naked_ in his gaze that Eren hadn’t seen before.

What was with this atmosphere? Why was the air so thick, so hot, so un-breathable? What exactly was Levi saying? What did he mean? There was no way he could possibly...

Levi cleared his throat, and the tension was gone.

“I think you’re right though. Hanji, Isabel and Farlan would never leave me. Not for lack of me trying to get Hanji away from me, if I’m honest.”

Eren laughed shakily, still not recovered from a few seconds ago.

“Let’s hope today goes well then.” He said with a brittle smile.

“You too,” Replied Levi. “You have an exam today.”

Eren hummed in response. He doubted he’d be able to concentrate properly knowing that Levi was in an interview that could determine his entire future.

Levi left Eren sitting on the bed to go shower, thanking him for the tea on the way out.

Eren politely averted his eyes when he returned, hair still dripping, only a towel wrapped around his waist.

Levi raised an eyebrow,

“You’ve sucked my dick, Eren.” Eren’s face turned bright red, gaze stubbornly fixed on the floor. “I have literally fucked you in the ass, but seeing me in a towel is embarrassing?”

“Put on some clothes, you exhibitionist!”

Levi shrugged and began rummaging in his drawers for clothes.

Eren’s heartbeat didn’t return to normal until they were out the door and walking in the direction of campus.

 

They parted ways by the main entrance; Eren heading toward the exam hall, Levi to the office. Before they separated, Levi grabbed Eren’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

“Good luck.”

Eren chanced a smile.

“You too.”

Their hands reluctantly detached and heavy feet led them to their destinations.

\-- 

Jean and Connie were flicking haphazardly through note cards in the corridor outside the exam hall. Eren greeted them both with a smile as he approached.

“Hey man, how are you feeling?” Muttered Connie, not quite managing to tear his eyes away from his revision.

“Not amazing, but I’m not ready to cry yet.” Replied Eren, peering over Jean’s shoulder to look at his notes.

“Wait ‘til you get in there, that may change.” Jean snickered, dodging Eren’s half-assed punch.

It was comfortable, their dynamic. More and more, Eren was realising that the social interaction cues he’d drilled into himself over and over again were becoming natural to him. Easy-going jokes, smiles, his resting facial expression – even how far away to stand from people when talking to them. Everything he’d had no idea about previously was becoming second nature. Maybe he didn’t have to rely on manipulation anymore. Humans can always change and adapt. He’d learnt that well enough in his Psychology and Communications and Culture classes. Maybe he’d be okay.

But would he be okay without Levi? Social interactions were one thing, but what about his dependency issues?

He tried to clear his head as he walked into the exam hall.

 

It hadn’t been too bad. The multiple choice questions were fairly simple and the timed essay part had been a bit of a rush and he was sure he’d misquoted some things – but all in all, it wasn’t horrific at all. Eren walked out the building with an arm over Connie and Jean’s shoulders.

“Question fourteen had me ruined for at least ten minutes!” He groaned, a long chorus of “saaaaame” coming from the two boys on each side of him. Jean broke away from the other two,

“Better text Marco and see how his exam went this morning.”

Eren smiled,

“What did he have?”

Jean fished in his pocket for his phone and turned it on.

“Health and Social Care.”

Connie hummed in response while Eren’s hand flew to his pocket. The exam had lasted two and a half hours – Levi had to have been done with his interview already.

He quickly turned his phone on, the start up screen seemingly lasting longer than usual. Jean said a quick goodbye before heading out to meet Marco and Connie skipped off to find Sasha in the cafeteria – leaving Eren standing in the corridor, his eyes boring into his phone.

Finally a message notification dated an hour ago popped up.  Eren had barely opened it before a call from Levi lit up his screen. He answered it immediately.

“Well that didn’t take long.” Came Levi’s amused voice.

Eren scanned his tone for signs; defeat, sadness, loss, emptiness. It seemed fine but…

“Well…?” He asked tentatively, treading carefully.

There was a deep breath from the other end of the phone and Eren tensed, bracing himself for the worst – dread settling in his stomach like an anchor.

“I’m not kicked out.”

And it was gone. A giddy grin broke out over his face and he let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“I have to re-do the essay under strict supervision. Which might be just as bad because I barely even remember which subject I’m taking let alone-“

“I’ll help you.”

The words were out from Eren’s mouth before he could stop himself. He continued before Levi could even reply.

“I’ll help you study. We can learn it together. We can do this as a team, Levi.”

There was a dark pause.

“You have your own subjects to study for.” There was disapproval in Levi’s pitch. But Eren had made his mind up. He’d already decided. He was going to help Levi with anything he needed. It was on his list. “Help Levi pass his exams.”

“Is this one of those times that arguing with you is useless?” Levi’s voice chuckled over the phone line – his tone lighter than it had ever been in the past week.

Eren nodded before remembering that Levi couldn’t see him.

“Yup! Come over tonight, we can order Indian and cram study.”

There was a mini-pause before,

“Chinese.”

Eren was grinning.

“Thai.”

“Deal.”

And Levi had hung up.

Eren felt as light as a feather. He practically glided towards the cafeteria where he spotted Armin slightly ahead of him. He called out and the blonde spun around. Eren jogged slightly to catch up with him, automatically throwing his arms around him.

“Hey, what’s up! You seem happier!” Armin laughed as he was pulled into a bear hug. “I just saw Jean, he said the exam wasn’t too hard. How did you find it?”

Eren loosened his grip slightly and shrugged.

“Was okay actually, yeah. Where you off to?”

Armin gestured in the general direction of the library, his body language turning meeker, almost nervous. Was he worried that Eren was going to object? Eren made sure to widen his smile and relax the look in his eyes.

“That’s cool. I’m gonna go find Mikasa, I guess I’ll catch you later?” Eren squeezed the smaller boy closer and then let go, closely analysing Armin’s face.

He looked shocked for a second, before his body visibly melted into relief.

“O-okay. Maybe see you this afternoon?” He suggested, his voice brittle. Armin’s face scrunched up in confusion for a split second. “Thank you…”

Eren’s heart wrenched a little bit. This is what he’d done. Armin felt like he had to thank him for allowing him to go to the library. He needed to undo this. He needed to stop. Whatever mental issues he had, he couldn’t let them become a cage to the people around him.

He tilted his head a tad to the side.

“Why are you thanking me? I’m not your keeper.”

Armin shrunk back slightly as if he were being scolded. Eren acted quickly and took his hand tenderly.

“We’re friends.” Armin’s eyes lit up instantaneously. “Best friends.” The blonde nodded, cheeks a rosy pink. Eren let his hand go and turned away.

“See you later.”

Armin beamed at him.

“Yeah! Have a good day.”

Eren returned the smile and felt warmth spread through his chest.

He already was.

 

Mikasa was found pretty easily, chilling on the outside benches with Annie and Mina, an iced tea in one hand as a complete contrast to the red scarf around her neck.

“Are you hot or cold, Mika?” Joked Eren as he walked towards them. Mina shifted to make a space on the bench so he could sit beside Mikasa. A rare smile decorated her delicate face.

“I like this season. It’s not too hot or cold.”

Annie nodded next to her.

“Pity it’s exam season though.” She mumbled, her eyes fixed on her cell phone.

Mikasa softly slurped her coffee.

“How did the exam go?” She addressed Eren, leaning into him slightly. Eren gave a thumbs up,

“Not too badly. Connie and Jean didn’t seem to find it that terrible either so I think we’re safe.”

“Or all three of you goons failed together.” Smirked Annie, causing Mikasa to let out a short laugh. Eren chuckled along with her,

“Do you wanna fight?”

Annie flicked her eyes away from her phone screen to raise an eyebrow at him.

“If I did, you’d know.”

Mina whistled next to them and Eren laughed. He didn’t doubt that she’d have him on his ass in seconds. Eren absentmindedly leaned over and checked the time on Annie’s phone. He had an hour and a half until his Comms class’ study session, and then afterwards it was home to Levi. He pulled out his own phone and let himself lean into the warmth of Mikasa’s shoulder, the whole group lapsing into a comfortable silence.

He sent a text to Levi asking what his essay title was and was unsurprised to see that the reply came within seconds. Levi generally responded to him quickly.

‘Uses of psychotherapy in prisons as criminal rehabilitation methods.’ Eren stared at the text for a few seconds, trying to recall the brief module they’d done on psychotherapy. It was a little advanced, so they’d barely touched on it in his classes. He’d have to do some research so he’d be able to help Levi with preparation for this essay.

He opened the Google Chrome app on his phone and began searching , screenshotting anything he thought would be helpful – names and dates of laws that had been passed, results on effectiveness and references. Eren was filled with more hope for the future than he had been in a long time. There was still the case of where to live over the summer and on campus next year – but at the moment, things weren’t looking too shabby.

An hour passed and Reiner had come to ask Annie if she wanted to go get pancakes, which she’d agreed to, and Mina had left to go to a lacrosse club meeting and Mikasa and Eren were left sprawled out on top of each other on the bench.

“When’s your deadline?” Eren asked, lying on his back tapping on his phone. Mikasa was delicately balanced half on the bench half on Eren’s torso, her chin (actually a little painfully) perched on his chest, her phone in front of her.

“Got two weeks.” She answered, the vibrations from her throat tickling Eren’s skin through his shirt. Mikasa’s course was coursework based and therefore didn’t have any crazy exams to study for. Her dissertation had her stressed some days but relaxed other days, but today seemed like a good day.

“How far through are you?” He asked, taking one hand away from his phone to absentmindedly pet at her hair. It was really soft today.

“About sixty percent, maybe.” Murmured Mikasa, trying to shrug but not really managing it in her position. “But the sooner I finish it, the sooner I can practice for the kickboxing competition.”

Eren nodded and accidentally dropped his phone on his face.

“Fuck!” He shouted, his hands flying up to clutch at his nose. Mikasa started laughing so hard that she fell off the bench. Which made Eren whip his head around to see if she was okay and subsequently fall off of the other side of the bench. They lay, sore, on the dirt ground groaning and giggling.

“What the fuck are you two doing?”

The two swivelled to see where the voice was coming from. Jean and Marco were strolling towards them, holding hands and carrying pastries.

“We fell…” Eren gestured dumbly.

“No shit.” Chortled Jean, throwing a brown paper-wrapped steak slice in his general direction. Eren fumbled but caught it. It was still warm.

“Thanks.”

This was possibly the happiest Eren had been in a very long time.

 

* * *

The day went surprisingly quickly – Eren’s remaining classes were mainly based on revising for exams and asking questions on things he couldn’t remember/never listened to in the first place.

When he got home, there was time to shower, change and vaguely pick some of his crap up of the floor before his phone buzzed with a text from Levi stating what time he’d be over and what Thai food he wanted. Levi couldn’t handle super spicy food and Eren couldn’t wait to tease him about it.

He called the takeaway place with a soft smile never leaving his face.

When Levi turned up, he had a large satchel filled with menacing looking books and a deep frown on his face which lightened considerably when Eren gave him a shy kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Eren mimicked back with a grin. “That bag looks like it weighs more than you.”

Levi swatted him on the chest as he moved past him into the room.

“You’ve seen the size of my dick; you know the kind of weight I have to drag around every day.”

Eren sniggered and rolled his eyes.

“And you must run the risk of serious loss of blood to the brain when you get a boner!” He wailed, throwing his hand dramatically over his eyes. “Your life is a tragedy.”

Levi didn’t even look behind him, he just dropped the satchel on the floor and sat down infront of where the food was laid out.

“Your face will be the real tragedy if you don’t shut your whore trap – now get over here.”

Eren closed his door and walked to where Levi was sitting.

“But I thought you liked my mouth wide open, Daddy- fuck!”

Levi thwacked him on the forehead with a large silver spoon.

“Don’t think for a second I won’t eat this food, beat your ass, and then go home.”

Eren rubbed his forehead, giggling.

“Whatever you say.”

Levi glowered at him whilst piling his plate up with the mildest curry on the menu.

“And not a fucking word about this curry either.”

Eren burst out laughing.

“Later, I’m going to ask you questions on your essay topic and every time you get an answer wrong – you have to eat something spicy.”

The glare Levi gave him could’ve stopped the heart of an elderly person.

“Ask me if I’m ever going to suck your dick again. Just fucking ask me.”

Eren started serving himself food from the plastic cartons.

“You couldn’t handle it.”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“Eren no.”

“Because this?”Eren ran a hand down the front of his body.

“Eren, don’t.”

“Is too hot for you to handle.”

Levi clutched his head – physically in pain.

They then ate in silence, to Levi’s relief.

 

After the food was finished and dirty dishes cleared away, they began studying. They read passages together and summarized dates of laws being passed and results of studies and experiments. When Levi saw that Eren had already started doing research for him, his eyes widened and his hand clenched around Eren’s. He sounded almost choked when he said thank you.

A few hours in, Eren yanked the book Levi was reading out of his hands and started quizzing him on the content. He got a surprising amount right, and Eren rewarded him with kisses.

“Go brush your teeth, your mouth tastes spicy.” Levi reprimanded him, drawing a dramatic eye-roll from the younger.

“Fucking white people,” muttered Eren sarcastically as he slinked off to do as he was told. Levi glared at him incredulously.

“You’re barely tan!”

Eren turned back to him, mouth full of toothpaste.

“I’m half Persian.”

“Well that’s fucking news to me.” Levi paused for a second. “Actually… I know next to nothing about you.”

Eren froze.

He figured this conversation would come up at some point. He couldn’t spend his whole college life dodging questions. His friends had noticed his reluctance to talk about his past and tried to leave him alone about it – but Levi was a different entity.

Levi knew how fucked up he was and expected him to have a tragic backstory.

How would he feel if he knew that all of it was Eren’s own fault? That he’d been the one to drive his family apart.

Eren spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He replaced the toothbrush and trod carefully back to where he and Levi were sitting.

“I told you about my childhood and how I got into manipulating people.” Eren nodded, not able to make eye contact. “I don’t know anything about you at all.”

Levi sounded upset about it. Eren supposed he was right to be. He opened his mouth. Then closed it again.

Eren took a shaky breath, and without looking up from the floor in front of him, began talking in a small voice.

“My mother’s family sent her over here just after the revolution because they thought Iran might get dangerous. She committed suicide when I was younger. Then my dad left. I had a sister but she left just before I applied to university.”

The air was thick.

“I don’t have a home anymore, apart from here.” He added.

He expected Levi to ask more questions, or see right through him, or _something_ – but all he did was scoot closer, wrap an arm around Eren’s shoulders, kiss him on the top of the head and pick up the book that Eren had put down.

No probing questions.

No “I’m sorry”s.

Just silent understanding and a kiss on the head.

Eren wanted to cry.

But instead he cleared his throat.

“Define the purpose of Forensic Psychothrapy.”

His voice was slightly shaky.

Levi held him tighter and began a explaining the perfect response.

 

With the grip around his shoulders, it felt more like Levi was holding him together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vERY close to the end!  
> wanna finish it this year
> 
> i moved country again so everything went really crazy and now im really busy and *excuse excuse*
> 
>  
> 
> Extra fun story 
> 
> I got a roommate 3 weeks ago and she's white - and she actually complained that the house SMELLED spicy  
> I'm channelling my feelings into this chapter lol 
> 
> I want to write more, I really really do. But reading and writing romance or smut, I actually end up just reminding myself how lonely I am


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi

“You have five minutes remaining.”

Eren’s eyes darted up to the clock in the corner of the room, chewing absentmindedly on the end of his pen. Five minutes left of his last exam. He glanced over to where Jean was sitting hunched over his desk, furiously scribbling with the pen that Eren had given him. Eren fought back a small smile, not wanting to look strange in amongst all these people.

He’d already written as much as he could have, so he decided to flick back through the previous pages to check for any mistakes. The ticking of the clock seemed eerily loud, resonating in his ears and matching the rhythm of his steady heartbeat. It was now four minutes before six PM, and four minutes until his freedom. Short-lived of course, as he still needed to work out a plan for the summer since he had no actual home to go to.

Maybe he could go travelling?

_Three minutes left._

No, he didn’t have enough money for that – or a passport for that matter.

How did Levi’s final essay go? He should have finished roughly two hours ago. Whether he’d be able to continue on his scholarship hung entirely on that grade. Whether Eren would be able to see him again next year depended on that three-hour timed essay. Eren swallowed hard and looked up at the clock again. Just two minutes until he could call Levi and ask how it went. Of course they wouldn’t know for sure until the official results came in the post, but you always had a vague idea. Eren found a spelling mistake and corrected it, propping his head up with his left hand. At least he was invited to Marco’s beach house for a week over the summer – that was definitely something to look forward to. He’d always wanted to see the ocean.

One minute remaining. Jean was still writing, probably in that miniscule scrawl he used when he was in a rush. Eren had picked up on so many of his friends’ little habits and quirks – but more importantly, recently he’d stopped using them specifically to make them like him. If he stopped by the store to get Armin those mint chocolates that he liked, he consciously told himself it was because he was his friend and he loved him – not to make Armin cherish him more. It was difficult, but it was progress. He would complete his last list before summer officially began.

But then, there was that last point he’d added in so hastily…

“Put down your pens, the exam is over.”

Eren placed his chewed up pen down on the table and heaved a deep breath. His first year of university was officially over. It had been a wild ride. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Jean glance at him. He looked over and gave him a small thumbs up under the desk, getting a slightly weaker thumbs up in return.

The exam proctors came around collecting each exam paper and after a few short explanations of marking systems and when to expect the results, row by row they were dismissed. As Eren’s row filed out of the exam hall, Jean was waiting for him just outside of the double doors leading to the grounds. Eren gave him an easy smile,

“So?”

Jean shook his head, scrunching up his face.

“Everything other than what I studied last night came up. I don’t think I failed, but I don’t know if I did particularly well.”

Eren frowned and clapped him on the shoulder.

“It happens man. At least this exam is only 40% of the grade, right?”

Jean nodded. They began walking outside, it was a pleasant evening. Not too cold, not too dark. Comfortable.

“Wanna go get tacos?” Suggested Eren, “That was our last exam.”

Jean’s face lit up. Clearly it hadn’t hit him yet that the exam hell was over. He laughed,

“Bro, I would love to!” He fished around in his pocked for his phone. “I have to jet off quickly though, me and Marco are packing our suitcases to go home tonight.”

Eren smiled; a totally natural smile – not forced or strained. Jean and Marco were his friends and their own people, not things for him to control.

“Yeah of course. When are you guys leaving anyway? We’re allowed to live on campus for another week, right?”

They climbed up the stairs towards the monorail and swiped their passes.

“Next Monday. We’re thinking of having another get together before summer officially begins. You in?”

The train pulled lazily into the station, the rickety doors opening for them. From the monorail tracks they could see over the whole city, the sun almost completely set over the horizon. Only a few reddish clouds dotted the sky. All was still.

“Yeah of course,” Replied Eren, “I’d love to.”

The train trundled along, comfortable silence punctuated by the creaks and slides of the aged wheels on tracks. Eren took this opportunity to rummage in his bag for his own phone, half dreading and half anticipating the message from Levi ready and waiting on his screen.

Only two words.

‘Thank you.’

The blood drained out of Eren’s face and his breath caught in his chest. Thank you? Thank you for everything, good bye forever?

Shaky fingers tapped out a fast response as green eyes glanced over to where Jean was nodding off, gently rocked by the swaying of the train.

‘How was the essay?’

Eren fought back the urge to use seven more question marks. The pre-recorded train announcement proclaiming that they were nearing the final stop woke Jean from his semi-slumber. His bleary eyes found Eren and grinned. Eren sent him a small one back and zipped up his bag with one hand. They both stood up as the train squeaked into the station, the doors opening sluggishly in front of them. Just as Eren’s feet touched the concrete of the platform his phone buzzed in his hand. Jerking his phone up to his face, he read the message. Then again. Then another time.

‘Was okay actually.’

All of the breath left Eren’s body at once and the warm sensation of relief crashed over him. He knew he was smiling like a dumbass but he couldn’t help it. It was okay! Levi was okay. _They_ were okay. He was stood frozen on the platform giddy with happiness.

“Eren?”

Jean had unwittingly walked all the way to the ticket barriers without him.

“What’s up, are you okay?”

Eren finally tore his eyes away from his phone screen and gave Jean the most genuinely ecstatic smile possibly of the whole year.

“Yeah. Never better.” He jogged to catch up with him and they exited the station together.

“Finally hit you that the exams are over, huh?” Asked Jean with a smirk. Eren chuckled,

“Yeah, something like that.”

Jean laughed in response.

 

The sky was clear, the streets were welcoming, the tacos were good and Levi was safe.

 

* * *

 

 

It took a few days to clear out his room. Old pizza boxes had snuck to the far corners under his bed and Eren had pondered for hours on whether he should throw his notes from first semester away or not. What if he needed them for something? The irony of packing with nowhere to go beckoned a grim smile onto his face as he zipped up his suitcase. At least he could probably room with Levi next year. He just had to ask him.

And also…

Eren’s eyes found his last list, taped to the inside of his closet door – hidden from prying eyes. A few points had already been crossed off.

1)    ~~Finish my exams~~

2)    ~~Help Levi finish his~~

3)    ~~Be more comfortable around friends~~

4)    Stop manipulating

5)    Figure out where I can live over summer break

6)    Decide who to room with next year

And then the last one, not even numbered, scrawled at the bottom as though it were an after-thought when really it might be the most important.

Eren flushed red and diverted his eyes away. He’d get around to it when the time was right.

He hadn’t even seen Levi in the last few days, with Eren being busy with parties with other first year students and Levi busy with his own friend group they’d barely had time for each other and it made Eren’s heart ache. How was he going to cope the whole summer vacation without him?

Eren shook his head to rid him of these invasive thoughts, got up from where he was kneeling on the floor and strode over to his bed. In two days time, these dorms would be empty.

Tonight was the last get together with his friends, tomorrow he was going to see Armin, who was leaving a day earlier, off at the station and then the next day he’d say goodbye to everyone else. So far his plan was to travel to Stohess and go from there. No one he knew was from Stohess; it would kill him for people to find out he had no home and no family. He still had some savings left, and he was determined to make something work. This last year had made him a lot stronger.

Eren ran a hand through his hair and looked over to the pile of clothes laid out on his desk. Time to get changed and head over to Jean’s house.

 --

Jean had The Weeknd’s newest album on repeat. Eren liked the laid back vibe - it was good if you ignored some of the lyrics. It was the first time in a while that the whole gang was together, Ymir and Christa snuggled on the sofa in the corner, Sasha and Connie chilling on the floor eating chips – even Annie, Bertholt and Reiner were stood in the kitchen having an animated conversation with Jean and Marco over the punch bowl. Eren, Armin and Mikasa were sat on the biggest couch in the living room, completely ignoring the Ru Paul’s Drag Race marathon on Netflix and chatting amicably between themselves. It was comfortable and relaxing. Possibly the most comfortable Eren had been without Levi.

“And then Sasha farted so loudly the whole exam hall turned around to look at her.”

Eren and Armin burst out laughing, Ymir hiding her sniggers into Christa’s shoulder. Mikasa continued her story,

“Annie told me everything. Apparently it smelled really meaty too.”

Eren wiped his eyes,

“How do you have a meaty fart?”

Mikasa shrugged and Armin kept laughing. Sasha frowned up at all of them,

“It was not meaty. And it wasn’t even that loud!”

Connie patted her shoulder lovingly, shovelling chips into his mouth.

“Your farts aren’t the nicest though babe, I’ve got to admit.”

Sasha fell back against the plush rug.

“You’re all dicks.”

Ymir piped up,

“Well I for one have never seen a dick in my life so…”

They all laughed again. Eren took a deep breath and leaned further into Mikasa’s shoulder. He was content. He was loved. He was loving. He might be able to cross the manipulating off of his list once and for all. He checked his phone just in case there was a text from Levi.

There was.

Eren smiled warmly down at his phone as he read it.

_‘Gonna catch an early night. Hope youre having a good time with your friends. Miss you.’_

Eren’s heart skipped a beat, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he read the last two words. His fingers deftly flew over the keys as he wrote a ‘Good night, miss you too’ back to him.

When he looked up, Mikasa’s eyes were on him.

“Is that your boyfriend.”

And suddenly everyone’s eyes were on him. Eren took a shaky breath before answering truthfully.

“I’m not sure at this point. I hope I can introduce him to you soon though.”

Mikasa gave him a small, understanding smile and Armin squeezed his shoulder supportively. Ymir’s voice came loud and clear across the room,

“You’d better! You wouldn’t hide your lover boy from us would you?”

Eren laughed, his heart lighter than it had been in years.

“Of course not.” He looked around at all of them, his eyes lingering on the entrance to the kitchen where Jean, Marco, Bertholt, Annie and Reiner were still standing, oblivious to their conversation. “You guys are my best friends.”

And they were.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning came and with it, Armin’s train. Eren and Mikasa helped him carry his suitcases to the station – they were absolutely full to the brim with books.

“Let’s have a group skype when we all settle in back home.” Mikasa suggested. The two boys nodded cheerfully.

“It won’t be long until we all get together at the beach anyway, right?” Armin piped up before glancing at Eren. “Aren’t our houses close anyway? You came shopping in my old workplace before, remember?”

Eren tried for a laugh but it came out more as an exhalation of air through his nose.

“That’s not my home anymore, but I’ll definitely see you guys at the beach.”

Armin nodded and enveloped them both in a tight hug.

“Meeting you guys has been the best part of university so far. I can’t wait to spend another year with you.”

Mikasa wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his head.

“Me too, Armin. We’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Began Eren, leaning fully into the hug, “Real soon. Drop us a message when you arrive home so we know you got there safely. Give our love to your grandfather too!”

Another dazzling smile from Armin, a few more drawn out goodbyes and Eren and Mikasa were watching his small frame disappear into the station. They waited until the train had departed before they began walking back towards the university village arm in arm.

It was looking to be a clear afternoon, the air nice and crisp and the sun bright in the sky. Eren and Mikasa walked, talking about his exams, her dissertation, her upcoming kickboxing tournament, the beach house. It was comfortable. As they arrived to the entrance to the dorms, Mikasa let go of his arm and gave him a quick hug.

“I’m going to help Annie finish packing. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Eren nodded.

“Yeah.”

As he stepped into his dorm building and started up the stairs he thought to himself. It might be a little early to know it for certain, but he felt sure. He was going to cross out another number from his list.

He entered his room, noting how empty it looked. So much had happened in this room, so many memories. After toeing off his shoes at the door, he daintily stepped across the room towards his closet. Grabbing a pen off of the desk he drew a fine line through the paper on the inside of the door.

1)    ~~Finish my exams~~

2)    ~~Help Levi finish his~~

3)    ~~Be more comfortable around friends~~

4)    ~~Stop manipulating~~

5)    Figure out where I can live over summer break

6)    Decide who to room with next year

It was almost complete. His last ever list. Levi would be so proud.

At the thought of Levi, his eyes darted to the last, un-numbered line at the bottom. He frowned to himself and closed the door. Today was going to be another day of making plans and budgets for his summer – applying for jobs in Stohess. He sat at his desk and sighed; Levi and the last point on his list still heavily in his mind.

 --

The buzzing of his phone woke him up. When had he even fallen asleep? Fuzzy headed and sleepy eyed, he lifted his head, his neck protesting at the movement. It was a call. Stifling a yawn, Eren tapped the answer button.

“Levi,” He greeted warmly.

“Hey, Brat.” Came the familiar voice. Delight filled Eren’s chest at the usual nickname.

“Hey.” He replied breathily.

“I’m seeing Erwin and Hanji off tomorrow afternoon, but I’m not leaving until evening. Where will you be?”

Eren hummed,

“Pretty much the same. My friends are leaving about 1-ish. I still have some things to clear up.”

“Okay, that’s cool. See you tomorrow then.”

Eren smiled a bittersweet smile into the phone. How long would it be until they could see each other again?

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” He couldn’t hide the worry from the tone of his voice. But then he’d never been good at hiding things from Levi.

“I miss you, Eren.”

And there it was. With one short phrase, Levi had his face turning an unhealthy shade of crimson.

“I miss you too…” Eren trailed off, letting his face sink into the crook of one of his arms. Levi chuckled once, and the line went dead.

Eren groaned into his arms.

The sun was setting. Tomorrow was the last day.

 

* * *

 

 

Because Eren had slipped off into an impromptu nap last night, it had taken him forever to actually get to sleep and therefore he’d slept in – the ringing of his phone alarm shrill and obnoxious to his ears, bouncing off the inside of his skull. His eyes were bloodshot and his feet were heavy as he trudged to the shower rooms.

But he was going to see Levi today.

The water woke him up a little bit, and the leftover curry he’d hidden at the back of the kitchen fridge woke him up a little bit more. He washed the plastic tub in the sink and brought it back to his room to pack into his suitcase.

Changing into his t-shirt and ripped black skinny jeans for the day, he slipped on his sneakers and opened the door.

Eren hesitated.

He strode across the room to his closet, opened it and tore the list off the door. Folding it carefully, he pocketed it and left the room. For the second last time ever.

 

 --

 

The train station was bustling. Goodbyes, See You Soons, I’ll Miss Yous punctuating the air. Eren was hugging and being hugged by so many different people. People he barely even remembered the names of that were in his classes or study groups – people he remembered from parties. He caught sight of the tree that was Erwin Smith and just as he’d thought, Levi was close behind him being talked at by Hanji. They made eye-contact and Eren’s chest clenched.

He waved weakly and Levi nodded in response.

Eren turned back to Mikasa, Jean and Marco – double checking the address and dates for the beach house trip. After a fist bump from Jean and a warm hug from Marco, they were gone, hand in hand, through the ticket gates.

Eren was just about to ask Mikasa what time her train was before he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around and a grin took over his face immediately.

“Hi Levi.” He’d barely gotten the greeting out from his mouth before Levi spoke again.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Eren could tell Levi was nervous for some reason, which instantly made him nervous himself. He could feel Mikasa tensing up next to him – she’d obviously sensed his own discomfort.

“Yeah?”

Levi’s steely eyes bore into him.

“Would you maybe want to stay with me this summer?”

Eren gasped. Mikasa gasped.

“Eren, who’s this?” She asked, voice icy. “Is this your-“

“Boyfriend.” Levi cut her off firmly, making Eren gasp yet again, his face growing hot. A giddy happiness bubbled up in his stomach.

 _Boyfriend_.

Mikasa took one look at Eren’s face, and seeing that it was rapidly growing to resemble a tomato she smiled softly.

“I’m going to go buy a sandwich from the kiosk. Come and find me when you’re done okay, we have some things to discuss.”

Eren nodded gratefully. He turned to Levi.

“Boy…?”

Levi smirked but Eren could tell he was masking his nerves.

“You don’t like it?” Levi asked tentatively.

Eren shook his head furiously.

“No! I love it! I’m…” He didn’t realise he’d lowered his gaze until he found he had to bring it up to meet Levi’s eyes again. “I’m really happy.”

His shaky hands reached into his pocket.

“In fact, have you got a pen?”

Levi looked at him quizzically as Eren opened up the folded sheet of paper. Eren turned to the wall next to him and leant the paper up against it – using it as a writing surface. Levi handed him a pen and Eren immediately drew a wobbly line through the ‘Find somewhere to live over summer’ point.

That was when he heard Levi’s breath catch in his throat.

He’d seen it.

Eren’s heart was beating a million miles per minute.

“Eren...” Began Levi. “The next one.”

He couldn’t bring himself to meet Levi’s stare. Levi spoke again, voice controlled and resolute.

“Eren. Would you consider living with me next year?”

Eren’s eyes stung with the beginnings of tears, threatening to spill. With a shaky voice and even shakier hand he begun to cross out the next point on his list as he responded.

“I would love to, Levi. Thank you so much.”

The heat was radiating off their bodies. The happiness was clawing at his heart.

But there was one last point at the bottom and Levi knew it.

“What about this last one? Right at the bottom. In god-awful handwriting.”

Eren turned to face Levi; all fake confidence and trembling fingers, and trembling shoulders and trembling lips he spoke,

“I was hoping you could help me cross that one out.”

It was a whisper at best, his voice fluttering in his throat.

The tears were almost brimming over his bottom eyelashes, blurring his vision as he saw Levi move closer and clasp his own shaking palm over Eren’s.

The most gentle, heart-warming smile graced Levi’s lips.

“Of course.”

His tender response and even more tender fingers guided Eren’s hand to move, and together they crossed out the last point on Eren’s last ever list.

 

~~Tell Levi that I’m in love with him.~~

 

Through the blinds in the window of the shop, Mikasa watched them.

 

 

Eren was going to be okay.

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its over  
> I said I'd finish it but I never knew it would take me this long.
> 
> So much has happened, I moved country AGAIN and graduated, and ended one engagement and entered into a new one (getting married next year hollaaaa) 
> 
> People who started this fic with me, a lot of you probably aren't even into attack on titan anymore - some of you may have seen the update and read this for the first time.  
> All of you who came this far from chapter 1, thank you.  
> All of you who have been waiting since 2015 for this chapter, thank you, I'm sorry, I love you.
> 
> I was in such a hurry to get this finished before bedtime that I probabkly have missed a bunch of mistakes so if you do find one please let me know.
> 
> I have a lot of feelings right now
> 
> those of you who didnt want a sappy sweet ending?
> 
> lol.
> 
> nah.
> 
> happiness for everyone


End file.
